


Pompeii

by CanyonsIntrovert07



Series: Pompeii [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action, Blood and Gore, Consensual Sex, Developing Relationship, Erwin's a dick, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humanity's Strongest, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'll give you warnings, NSFW, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Strong Female Characters, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-24 17:10:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 57,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9773843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanyonsIntrovert07/pseuds/CanyonsIntrovert07
Summary: It was just a bet. Something to pass the time between the expeditions and the titan attacks. Just another one night stand like all of the many other one night stands I'd had since I'd joined the scouting legion. We had nothing in common other that our tragic pasts, but everyone had a tragic past in the scouting legion. So when had I started to see him as anything more than a Captain? And more importantly, how were we going to survive as the walls continue to fall down around us?A story based on Attack on Titan around the time after the 104th squad became Levi's squad. LevixOC Bit of fluff, some angst, some steamy interactions and a lot of action, would you expect anything less from Attack on Titan?





	1. Perhaps I should clean it.

I absently twirled my small knife in between my fingers as Ellie and Rowen sat cleaning their equipment for the coming expedition. The rest of the squad quietly milled about headquarters, cleaning this, packing that, and just generally trying to ensure we had all of the provisions we would need for our journey outside of the walls. I looked over at my two friends as they studiously cleaned their equipment.  


Rowen was a tall willowy girl with thin, stick-straight blonde hair that she always kept pulled back into a tight bun and piercing, calculating gray eyes. She was as tall, if not taller, than most of the men in the legion which made her a little slower on her maneuvering device, but her skill with a blade was incredible. Ellie was almost completely different; she was barely 160 centimeters and was all curves. Her hair was an unmanageable tangle of blond curls, and her dark green eyes always held a mischievous gleam. On land she was the clumsiest person I knew, but in the air she was graceful and as lithe as a mountain cat. The three of us were an odd match, but seeing as there were so few women in the squad, we usually stuck together.  


“So,” I said, breaking the silence, “are you going to scream the entire expedition this time too?”  


Ellie blushed furiously and threw the rag she had been using to clean her gas tank at me. It flew past me with incredible speed without me even having to dodge. A soldier a few yards away yelped as it smacked him, jerking up to find who had thrown the rag. Her mouth gaped open and she ducked behind Rowen quickly.  


Rowen pushed Ellie away, snickering as the soldier found his target and threw a glare and some choice words at Ellie, “You know your aim is horrible. Why do you even try?”  


After smiling and waving apologetically at the man, Ellie scowled at Rowen before turning on me, “Yeah, I just might! Got a problem with it?!”  


My mouth turned up at the corners as I tucked my knife back into its sheath on my thigh, “Well, since it alerts all of the titans to our location, yeah, I kind of do. Why did you even join the scouting legion if you are so scared of titans?”  


Ellie looked at me blankly before shrugging, “Impulse.”  


I laughed, “That has got to be the worst reason I have ever heard! How uninspiring!”  


“Correction,” Rowen cut in, “I think she means _how_ did you ever join the scouting legion?”  


Ellie turned and playfully smacked Rowen, sticking out her tongue, “Luck! And besides, who isn’t scared of titans? They’re so eerie with their nasty smiles and and blank eyes,” she mimicked their movements, coming toward me with a blank smile.  


“By eerie you mean absolutely adorable, right?”  


We all flinched at the intruding voice, my hand instinctively reaching for my knife again before recognising it. I slowly turned to find Hanji sitting at the table with a dreamy look on her face. I swallowed and tried not to frown at my captain. She had undeniable skill, but sometimes she was just plain unnerving. How long had she been sitting there?  


“Good evening, Captain Hanji,” Rowen said politely. I rolled my eyes at her unbelievably calm composure and pulled my hand away from my knife.  


That jerked Hanji out of her daydream and she pouted at us, tears welling up in her eyes as she pushed an envelope across the table at us, “It’s a command from Erwin himself, you're switching squads! From this expedition on, you are going to be a part of Levi’s squad!”  


“What?!” I exclaimed, snatching the letter off of the table and ripping it open. Rowen and Ellie crowded in around me to read the letter. After reading a few crap lines about ‘for the good of the legion’, I shoved the letter at Ellie and then pushed toward Hanji.  


“But Hanji, you know this is where we belong! Here with you and the rest of the squad,” _and there’s no way in hell that I’m going to deal with that sarcastic little runt._  


“I know!” Hanji wailed dramatically, “I loved all of our talks about the titans-” _and I hated every single one of them,_ “but Levi himself asked Erwin to send you, Yesenia, and I told him he couldn’t take you without taking Rowen and Ellie too.”  


Ellie’s eyes widened and she rushed over to envelop Hanji in a tight hug, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Captain Hanji, you are the best!”  


Hanji smiled and patted Ellie before turning to Rowen and I, “You’d best collect your things, you’ll be sleeping in Levi’s squad's barracks tonight. Oh, and Yesenia, you’ll want to clean your equipment before you meet Levi. He’s kind particular about things being clean.”  


I shrugged and tapped my gear with a knuckle, “The inside is cleaner than Commander Erwin’s and runs better than anyone’s gear in our military, who cares what the outside looks like?”  


Hanji raised her hands in defeat and smiled sadly, “If you insist, I will go plan your funeral service. Anyway, you can always come visit and we’ll have a marvelous discussion about my most recent experiments!”  


With that, the three of us quickly collected our gear before heading to our barracks. As I shoved my belongings into my bag, I cast a glance at my gear. Perhaps I should clean it.  


I shook my head and shoved another shirt into my bag. It works fine, amazingly in fact; I would know, I’d pulled it apart and tweaked it enough that I knew it worked faster and more efficiently than anyone else’s gear in the squad. What did it matter what it looked like? I’d be fine.


	2. I might have to use his title.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls meet their new captain. Yesenia feels the need to sass him, it does not go well.

I yawned unabashedly as the morning sun started to creep over the horizon. I scowled unhappily at the soft glow, it was way too early. I should still be curled up in bed until the sun was firmly in its position above the tree line. Ellie, Rowan and I stood at ease as we waited for our new captain, Rowan was characteristically alert and calm, but Ellie was asleep on her feet, head rested against Rowan’s shoulder as soft snores came from her sleeping form.

I growled and shifted my weight from one foot to the other, “How long does he expect us to wait? Damn runt. It’s way too early for this shit.”

Rowan rolled her eyes, “Just relax. He’s a captain, he probably is busy doing paperwork or something."

“I doubt it, he is probably still asleep, like we should be.”

Rowan shrugged, but didn’t reply, her gaze fixed on the growing glow of the sun. I rolled my shoulders and looked over the grounds. They were a lot like the barracks we had stayed in previously, but everything was spotless. The grounds were perfectly manicured, the beds didn’t sport a speck of dust, and everything practically shined. Something in the distance caught my eye and I watched as a small figure came into focus. Almost in unison, Rowan’s and my  jaw dropped.

Our new captain was in an impeccably tailored uniform with a white cloth tied over his hair and another tied around his neck. I’d always heard he was short, but with him there standing in front of us, I had a hard time not dissolving into fits of laughter. He was right in between Ellie and my height, and poor Rowen towered over him. I looked over at her with a coy grin and she sucked her lips into her mouth in an attempt to control her laughter.

The captain frowned us as he took in our barely contained giggles and eyes still heavy with sleep, “Do you even know the meaning of attention? Damn brats.”

My giggles stopped abruptly and I frowned, returning his steely glare, “Brat? From where I’m standing, you look like the brat here.”

His gaze settled on me and he slowly made his way towards me. Rowen’s eyes widened and she elbowed me in the ribs pointedly, shaking Ellie awake. I ignored Rowen’s pointed warning and stared down my long, thin nose at Captain Levi.

“I bet you think that’s funny,” he said quietly, his gaze steady.

“Yeah, actually, now that you mention it, it is pretty funny,” I said, casting a wry grin at Ellie and Rowen.

Rowen wearily put her head in her palm and sighed heavily. Ellie looked confusedly from Rowen to me, and then tapped Rowen on the shoulder, whispering fervently. I continued to stare down at the captain, hands crossed over my chest, hip jutting out. I was settled in for a fight.

Captain Levi quietly took me in before reaching out a hand and whipping a white cloth over my 3-D maneuvering gear, his cloth coming away dark with dirt and grime. His lips twisted into a grimace and he clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

“You gear is as filthy as titan shit-"

“Was that supposed to be an insult? Considering the fact that titans don’t shit-”

“You are going to get another mark for insubordination, that makes five on your record. Not a good way to start a transfer,  Burrell. You are going to be taking over everyone’s cleaning duties in the barracks for the next week,” he cut me off, his eyes boring into mine, “and the next time I see you, your gear had better be spotless or you will get another mark and I will make sure your life is hell. Understood?”

I gritted my teeth and snapped into a salute, shouting out a, “Sir, yes sir!”

He stared at me a moment longer before turning away to walk back to the barracks. I relaxed and glared after him muttering, “Fuck you, damn runt.”

Before I could flinch, he was at my side, a hand in my hair. I sucked in a gasp as he kicked the back of my knees, forcing me into a kneeling position and then pushing my head back. Tears welled up in my eyes at the force of his hand in my hair and a hand flew back to his, my nails digging into the top of his hand.

He didn't even blink ask my nails grew hot and sticky with his blood, "I don't give two shits if you're a woman. This is the military. If you cross me again, forget about insubordination marks, I will beat the fucking shit out of you."

I bared my teeth at him, but didn't say another word. He held me there a moment longer before thrusting my head away and stalking towards the barracks. I fell toward the ground heavily and put out a hand to catch myself. I looked after him quietly. Rowen's groan shook me from my thoughts and I rose, turning to look at her.

"Why do you always have to 'test' your new officers? Can't you just accept the fact that they're in charge of you and deal with it like the rest of us?"

I brushed my knees off and grinned at her, "What, and be a mindless soldier like the rest of you? No way in hell."

Rowen frowned at me, but didn’t say anything.

Ellie cautiously walked up to me, her eyes worried, “He really didn’t go easy on you. Are you okay?”

I shrugged off her concern and ran a hand through my hair, pulling out clumps of hair that Levi had pulled loose. They were wrong. He _had_ gone easy on me, but I couldn’t have just not tested him. No one just received my respect without earning it first, and as many times as he has had to rebuild his squad… That was either horrible leadership skills or really bad luck. I still hadn’t decided which one it was, but I thinking I might actually have to use his title.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured out that you don't actually have to put in the HTML format for each sentence! Thank you Rich Text button! I could just cry from relief! T.T


	3. Who's the worst and who's the best?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't decide which is worse, putting in all of the HTML commands yourself or having to go back and fix all of the crap HTML that the Rich Text throws in there. T.T Please send help...

Later that day, as I begrudgingly polished the beds in the barracks, my mind strayed back to Levi. This morning, he had given me a chance to be a good little soldier. He had even let my first comments pass with nothing more that a quiet reprimand.

I thought back to my previous commanders; they had always stopped after that first step, walking away with a sneer and some muttered comment on how they 'didn't have time for this shit'. That was always my signal to do what I wanted because they obviously didn't have the time or strength of will to make me obey them. Hanji had just laughed and agreed to all of my underhanded comments, earning her my friendship, but definitely not my respect.

Levi, however, he had given me the chance and then showed me that I would obey him and if I didn't willingly, he would force me to, but there were any number of attacks he could have used.

At breakfast, he had broken up a fight between Jean and Eren using a swift roundhouse to Eren's stomach and an uppercut to Jean's gut. Both of them had coughed up bile from the force of the blows and had just laid there for a while, but the most he had done to me was pull my hair. I smiled at the empty barracks. Despite his big words, he still didn't want to hit a woman. I might get to have some fun after all.

The creak of the barracks door tore my attention from my musing. I turned to find Rowen and Ellie framed in the doorway, adorned with mops, buckets, cloths, and cleaners. Ellie had a big grin on her face that made her lose ten years, and Rowen had an eyebrow raised as she lifted her buckets of cleaning supplies.

"Want some help?" They asked, almost in unison, their different voices raising in a cheerful question.

"Get out of here you two," I said, unable to keep the smile from my face, "If Captain catches you in here, we're all screwed."

"Captain?" Rowen repeated, her eyebrows raised in surprise and her voice slightly mocking, "Did you just call a commanding officer by his title?"

"Have all of the cleaning fumes gone to your head?" Ellie asked with a lilting concern and rushed over to place a hand on my forehead.

I shoved her away with a laugh and pitched a rag at her, "What can I say? It's not my fault he's the only officer since training that actually passed my test."

Rowen rolled her eyes. "You and your 'test'. Aren't you too old for that kind of stuff?"

I threw her a nasty look, "I'm not old, I'm seasoned. And I'm barely twenty-five, so shut it!"

"Still older than most of the rest of us," Ellie said, looking at Rowen for any warning that she was prying too much. "Especially this squad, they're all so young! They can't be more than eighteen."

I snorted, "Try fifteen, I heard they just graduated from training. I bet their balls haven't even dropped yet."

Ellie's eyes widened in surprise and then she burst into a fit of laughter. Rowen grinned as she turned to collect a cloth and some polish. Then, grabbing my gear, she began to dutifully scrub away the accumulated dirt and grime.

"No, now I'm serious, you guys should go before Captain shows up-"

Rowen cut me off with a wry grin, "So, who'd be the worst and who'd be the best?"

I groaned; she knew I couldn't resist ranking our new squad. It was something we had always done, since training. But I wasn't going to put them on Levi's bad side too, I had to resist even though names and scenarios were already racing through my head.

"Guys, seriously-"

"I think Armin for the worst and Eren for the best," Ellie cut in, ignoring her furious blush and giving me a wide grin, "I mean he can turn into a titan, I bet that could be fun."

I rolled my eyes and replied before I could stop myself, "Titans don't even have dicks, how could that be any fun? And I bet Armin would surprise you. It's the quiet ones that are always the most kinky. The kid's got a good head on his shoulders, too, I bet he could think of some really creative positions."

Ellie and Rowen grinned at each other and Rowen asked slyly, "Then what do you think?"

I groaned, "You guys play dirty."

Rowen rolled her eyes, "Captain is going to figure out sooner or later that everything we do, we do together. Might as well be sooner so he can come to terms with it."

Ellie nodded, grabbing a broom and sweeping dust bunnies out from under the beds, "Yep, she's right. We're kind of a team. But I thought those were pretty good picks! I've _got_ to know yours now. Berthold and Jean? Reiner and Armin?"

I laughed and resigned myself to their help, grateful to have such loyal friends, "No, no, no, those are horrible! You never learn, do you, little virgin?"

She blushed wickedly and tried to whack me with the broom, "And proud of it!"

I shook my head; Ellie has always been so adamant about her first time being with someone she actually loves. Man, she was such a prude, but I loved her for it. Rowen on the other hand, she was still a mystery. She never blushed furiously like Ellie, but she only caught half of the crude jokes that were always passed around the table at meals.

"Hmm..." I mused, thinking over everyone. "The worst has got to be Eren, he's so caught up in his whole 'kill all titans' thing that I'm not sure he even knows what sex is. And I'm like ninety percent sure he's gay. The best?" I paused as I thought it over before another name popped into my head, I grinned wickedly, "Levi."

Rowen and Ellie both paused and exchanged glances before Ellie piped up, "The fumes really have gone to your head. If Eren is gay, I'm pretty sure he'd be gay with Levi."

"And," Rowen added, "he's so small, you really think that'd be enjoyable?"

"Sometimes it's not the size that matters," I said with a grin as Ellie blushed even deeper, "and I can promise you, he is definitely not gay. I'd be willing to bet a week's pay on it."

Rowen nodded thoughtfully, "I'd take that bet."

Ellie looked back and forth at us and tried to reason with us, "Come on you two, think about it, how would we even find out?"

"Easy," I said, "someone has sex with him."

Rowen and Ellie both shook their head and Rowen interjected, "And by someone you mean you, don't you?"

I grinned, "Why not? It's been a while. So, the bet is, if I get him to have sex with me and I'm right, then you both have to give me a week of your pay."

"And if you're wrong, or you can't get him to have sex with you, you give us both a week of your pay. That's two weeks pay, are you sure about this?" Rowen asked, the rag she'd been using to shine my gear frozen in a steady circle.

I shoved my hands out toward her and Ellie, "Shake on it?"

They exchanged glances before shaking my hands roughly. I smiled to myself as we all rushed to finish cleaning the barracks in time for supper. As we walked into the dining hall, my eyes locked with Levi's over the heads of the other cadets. I couldn't help but smile. Tonight was going to be a night to remember.


	4. This was going to be easier than I had thought.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia tries her best to not lose two weeks pay. She has some difficulty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! I feel like this is a little self explanatory since she is going to _seduce him_ but whatever. This chapter is a little NSFW. Readers beware (or y'know, enjoy).

Before I walked into his quarters, I pulled my shirt down a little lower, just to be sure the line of my cleavage could be clearly seen from above and then pushed my breasts together more firmly. I smiled at my work and then pulled my hair out of the tight french braid it always resided in, letting it fall around me in tight curling, scarlet waves. Satisfied, I pushed into his room.

Levi was seated at his desk, his eyebrows low over his eyes as he studied paperwork that was neatly piled all over his desk. He had a lamp burning low that highlighted his features, bringing out his strong jaw line and the sharply angled planes of his face. He turned when he heard the door creak open and frowned at me.

"What are you doing, brat? Get out of here before you dirty the floors," he said gruffly before turning back to his work.

I bit back my retort and languidly walked over to his desk, trailing my fingertips along the polished wood until I was right beside him, and then I pushed myself on top of his desk. I pouted invitingly at him, "C'mon Captain," I whined, bending down to display my breasts.

He stared at my butt on his desk and then glared up at me, "You'd better clean that before you leave, Burrell. The wood cleaner is in my wardrobe to the left. Hurry up."

I tried to not frown at his total disregard for my alluring looks. If he wouldn't come to me, I would just have to come to him. I bit my lip and trailed a bare foot against the inside of his leg until my foot was resting on his chair right in between his legs, "It must be lonely, being a captain. Having no one to satisfy your... desires," at the last word, I rubbed the top of my foot against his crotch, hoping for a reaction.

He didn't even flinch.

He slowly put down his pen before pushing away from his desk and turning to look at me. The movement left him far enough away from me that my foot had lost its purchase and was now swinging idly in front of his desk. He glanced at me from under lowered lids and crossed one leg over the other, folding his arms across his chest.

I frowned and stood, he wasn't getting away from me that easy. I walked to him, carefully put my knees against the outside of his hips, and sat in his lap, "Now, now, Captain," I crooned as I wound my fingers through his hair, "no one likes a prude."

He just watched me, as expressionless as ever, and then the corner of his lips turned up in a dry grin, "And you think a brat like you could satisfy me?"

I grinned back at him and leaned forward, pushing my chest against his,"I would leave you breathless," I breathed against his lips, letting his soft hair fall from my fingertips before winding my hand back into his locks, loving the silky texture of it.

"That sounds like a challenge."

"It's a promise," I answered before sitting back, pushing my hands down his chest, and running my tongue along my lips.

He watched me for a moment longer, his face unreadable. I hated how he could do that. No matter the situation, he always had that stone cold bored expression on his face and I hated it. It made me want to make him show me what other expressions he could make with those steely gray eyes.

He nodded and answered quietly, "Fine. If you can turn me on, we will go on like this never happened. But, if you can't, I'll report you for insubordination and you will be on cleaning duty for the barracks for the next six months. And I'll make sure your friends don't help you for those six months."

I swallowed hard and tried not to scowl. I might have just transferred to his squad, but he had already picked up on how I hated cleaning, and if the boys knew I alone was on cleaning duty, they would make sure it was a wreck. Forget that, how had he known that Rowen and Ellie had helped me?

Not to mention the charge for insubordination, I already had five marks of insubordination and I did not want to know what happened when you got a sixth. My life would be hell, he would make sure of that. I bit the inside of my cheek and grinned at him, I'd never met a man who could resist my charms. I had nothing to worry about.

"Sounds like a good wager," I said with a crooked smile.

"You'd better clean my desk after this, too," he muttered.

I rolled my eyes and moved off of his lap to take hold of his cravat and pull him out of his chair. His eyes held a warning that I didn't heed as I led him to his bed and pushed him onto it. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth in annoyance, but didn't say anything.

I kept eye contact with him as I pulled my shirt over my head and slid out of my pants. The binding across my breasts caused them to bulge and fight against the cloth's hold. I grinned as I watched his gaze roll over my body appreciatively. This was going to be easier than I had thought. I slowly crawled over him and fit my hips against his, I could feel his sharp hip bones through the thin fabric of my underwear. I sucked in my bottom lip and started unbuttoning his shirt. I pushed the fabric over his shoulders and down his arms and stopped watching his face for a moment to marvel at his body.

He was incredibly toned. He might have been a short man, but what he lacked in size he made up for in mass. His chest and arms were corded with tight lean muscle and his abs were a sight to behold. I looked up from his chest to find him watching me closely with an amused look in his eyes. I gritted my teeth, _smile while you can, Captain, I'm just getting started._ I lowered my head and let my tongue trail along his hip bone, saliva dripping down the top of his pants, past the gap between his pants and his skin that his hip bones made. His stomach jerked at his quick intake of air and I grinned; I was finally getting a response from him.

"You're so responsive, Captain," I said, my voice high and breathless.

He glared down at me, but he couldn't hide the quickening of his breath.

I rose up on my knees and started to unbuckle his pants. I watched him closely, reveling in the small tell tale signs that I was winning. The tightening of the skin around his eyes as he tried to ignored the feelings of ecstasy, the quickening of his pulse under my fingertips, the heat of his skin, the tautness of his muscles: they were all telling me that I was going to win. I pulled his pants low on his thighs and then trailed a hand along his thigh before bringing my attention back to him. I stretched my body out against his and started rotating my hips against his.

At this point, I was excited too. My face was flushed and my breathing hard. Levi had closed his eyes and his fists were clenched. I traced the line of his jaw with my tongue before rising up to press my lips against his. I moaned against his lips and tried to coax him into a kiss. He was unresponsive as I tugged on his lips with my teeth and moved against him, but when I pulled his mouth open with my thumb and captured his tongue, his eyes snapped open and his hands hungrily pushed my hips more firmly against his. I gasped as his fingertips pushed into my skin hard enough to bruise.

His body came alive beneath mine.


	5. I'd be damned if I didn't come out on top.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia and Levi have some fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still NSFW, if you were wondering. If that bothers you, you can totally skip to the next chapter, I promise you won't miss any monumental plot points. Otherwise, enjoy~

He raked his nails over the thin fabric of my underwear and down my thighs, roughly pulling my knees up against his side. I groaned at the bite of his nails on my skin and he answered me with a rumbling growl that made me shiver in anticipation.

The bed shook as he kicked off his pants, but his hands never left my skin, his tongue still searching out all of the curves and crevices of my mouth. His hands gripped my thighs, testing the resiliency of my skin before he made his way up to my butt. I let out a sound of surprise that quickly turned to pleasure as his hands slipped under my underwear to cup my cheeks. He broke away and left a trail of biting kisses down my throat that left me arching into him and letting out an animalistic mew.

A dark chuckle puffed against my skin as Levi made his way back up to my ear to whisper, "What's that you were saying about being responsive? You twitch and moan with every touch and I'm barely even touching you."

I shuddered, his voice was dark and heady, all bass and gravel and pure desire, "You can still talk?" I murmured breathlessly, "Guess I'm not doing my job properly."

I pulled away from his grasp to lean down and lick the crook of his neck, reveling in the salty taste of his skin, "Tell me, Captain, what are your weak spots? Are you ears sensitive?" I asked as I leaned forward to nibble on his ear, pulling gently, and he stiffened and grunted. His hands came up, grabbing me by my upper arms as he started to push me away.

"No?" I breathed, licking over the small teeth marks on his earlobe, smiling as his grip tightened on my arms, but he didn’t push me away, "What about your nipples?"

I sat back on my heels and lowered my head to delicately lick his nipple. His frame shuddered and he let out a strangled moan of pleasure. I sat forward again and wove my fingers into his hair, raking my nails against his scalp. He was driving me crazy. I wouldn't be able to coherently think soon, with his hands hungrily learning every curve of my body and his earthy scent tinting the air around us; the waves of passion were threatening to drag me under.

I looked into his gray eyes, a storm of desire, before turning his head roughly to the side and lapping at the sweat that pooled under his chin. He tasted like earth and salt and spice, and it was all I could do to not let him take control. That's what this was after all. Other than for the bet and the pleasure, this was a fight for dominance. I had to know who would come out on top and I'd be damned if it wasn't me.

After taking in the scent and the taste of him, I pressed my lips to his skin and drew in hard. His nails dug into my skin and he groaned, his body shaking beneath mine. I let out a quiet moan from deep in my throat in response, and for just a moment, I let myself revel in the taste of him, drunk on his skin.

When I lifted my head, we were both panting, our breaths mixed. I sat back, grabbed one of his hands and settled my heated gaze on him as I took one of his thin fingers into my mouth. I started at the webbing between his fingers and then licked the length of his finger before closing my lips around the tip of his finger and sucking. His body bucked against mine and that's when I noticed it, the unmistakable bulge pressing against my underwear that only served as a point of friction. I gasped and bit my lip, trying to stifle a high pitched moan and keep my head in the game. I placed my hands in the middle of his chest and scooted back, off of his erection, and then smiled wickedly at him. I cupped the bulge in his pants, causing him to let out a low, growling moan.

"I think I've won," I whispered.

He shocked me by sitting up, putting his hand against the back of my neck and pulling me towards him for another tasting, biting kiss. I relaxed and let my desire over take me. I moaned as he deepened the kiss and roughly pulled his head to the side to fit my mouth more securely against his. Unhappy with my position, I rose up on my knees. Levi's chin lifted, his lips hungrily determined to claim mine. I sat in his lap and wrapped my legs around his stomach, shuddering as the heat and hardness of him pressed against the thin layers of fabric that separated us.

My eyes flew open as Levi deftly flipped me onto my back and settled his weight on top of me, "You haven't won yet, brat." The roughness of his voice made my fingers itch for the tight heat of his skin, forgetting the bet and the fight for dominance. All I could think about were his hands on my body.

He lowered his head to the top of my still bound breasts and placed his lips against my skin, sucking as his hands followed the curve of my breasts, leaving me with a mark that matched the one I had left on his neck. I gasped and dug my nails into his back as he sunk his fingers into the soft skin. By the time he was done, the binding around my chest was almost completely unraveled and my mind was so bleary with lust that I was barely able to process what he was saying.

"Now, it's my turn," he growled, hooking a finger around the fabric of my underwear as we sunk into the sheets and finally let go of the reins of our desire.


	6. He made the mess, he could deal with it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia rocks the 'walk of shame'.

I woke to the same dream that robbed me of my sleep every night, blood dripping down from the cracks in the floorboards as I waited for my death, haunted by the one person I knew would never hate me or want me to feel guilt over our past. But every night, it was the same:  _ Why Yesenia? Why did I have to die alone?  _ And every morning when I woke, I was less sure that he wouldn’t wish death upon me. Every night I fought with ghosts that appeared only in nightmares and tales you’d tell children to spook them into behaving. The only difference was my ghosts didn’t disappear when I woke up. I could still hear his voice echoing in my head, still feel the chill of his hand on my throat.

I sat up to wrap my hands around my knees and winced at the dull ache in between my hips. I groaned quietly as I remembered the events of the previous night. I bit my lip and slowly turned to look at Levi, praying to any god that would listen, hoping he was still asleep. I let out a quiet sigh as my eyes fell on his still frame, his eyes closed and face relaxed. He was still asleep, thank the skies! I watched him sleep for a moment, amazed at how a man could look so vulnerable and childlike when he was asleep, so at contrast with his usual harsh expression. His tousled hair fell into his face haphazardly and before I could think, my hand was reaching out to gently brush it from his face.

I snatched my traitorous hand back and held it to my chest, my jaw dropped in disbelief. What was I doing? _ It was just a one night stand, get yourself back to the barracks before someone notices you’re missing! Or worse, before Levi wakes up.  _ As I stood to gather my clothes, I chided myself. What was that? I hadn’t done anything like that since. . . I stopped myself, not even allowing myself to think the words, think his name.

I shivered as the cool night air kissed my skin and quietly wandered around the room, looking for my discarded pieces of clothing. It was just the dream, there was no other explanation or other motive for my movements. I glanced down at my hand warily, like it was some alien appendage that had a mind of its own. I swallowed hard and went back to collecting my clothes. I picked up my discarded underwear and frowned. Had he really needed to tear them? They hardly even resembled underwear at this point. Oh well, I’d have an extra two weeks pay in my pocket, I could just go buy some more. I dropped them back on the ground.

I walked to my pants and slid into them quietly, flinching every time the metal buckles clinked against each other. I froze when I finally had them on before walking quietly over to look into Levi’s face. My eyebrows pulled together in disbelief. He could sleep through anything! I wagged my hand in front of his face and watched for any sign that he was faking it. When he didn't move, I shrugged and continued collecting my clothes.

I grabbed my binding, wrapping my breasts securely before pulling my shirt over my head. I turned and stared down at the torn underwear. What was I supposed to do with those? I rolled my eyes and waved a dismissive hand behind me as I walked toward the door. He made the mess, he could deal with it.

I made my way back back to the barracks slowly, and tapped Rowen on the shoulder as I came in. She blinked open her eyes wearily and then nodded at me before rolling over and going back to sleep. I undid my binding and stiffly clambered up to my bunk before falling heavily onto the hard mattress, praying for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

* * *

I stretched as rays of sunlight slipped in through the rafters before slamming a pillow over my head and groaning. It’s too early, or rather, someone kept me up too late last night. Along with that thought came the dull ache between my hips. I groaned again, smushing the pillow against my face.

“Hey, it’s time for breakfast,” Rowen's muffled voice came through my pillow and she poked me in the arm, “Come on, you don’t want to miss breakfast.”

“Can I miss today?” I asked wearily, wanting to roll over and just sleep the day away.

“What? Move the pillow, I can’t hear you,” Rowen said, tugging on the pillow.

I released my hold on the pillow and let Rowen drag it away, “Nothing. Just that today is going to be hell.”

I staggered down from my bunk and frowned as I thought about bending down to get a new set of clothes. Rowen took in the dark circles under my eyes and unkempt hair, whistling long and low before motioning for Ellie to come over. I yawned and looked at them both, waiting for them to say something. Instead they just watched me, a mixture of shock and amusement warring for a place on their faces.

“Well?” I asked, cranky from my lack of sleep, “Aren’t you going to ask me?”

Ellie shook her head and just simply asked, “We lost the bet, didn’t we?”

I grinned wryly, “Oh yeah, big time.”

Rowen stooped down to get me a change of clothes and retrieve my hairbrush, “We can talk about it over breakfast. For now, lets just get you ready for the day.”   

I nodded and took the clothes from Rowen, changing out of last night’s rumpled clothes. I then sat on the bunk and let Ellie tame my scarlet curls and coax them into my usual french braid. When I was ready, we made our way to the mess hall.


	7. Come on, Twinkle Toes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls get in some practice.

After collecting our plates, we made for a table in the corner of the dining hall. I noted Levi sitting at the front table, sipping on a cup of coffee, and Eren's usual group at a table close to the door, but other than them and a few stragglers, the hall was empty. I frowned, and turned to regard Rowen and Ellie unhappily.

"Did you wake me up early? What bell is it?"

Rowen shook her head, "We woke you up late! Eighth bell had already rung out before we woke you up. Everyone is already out training."

"Except," Ellie broke in with a blush rushing up her neck and a mischievous grin, "Captain Levi. What happened last night? And I might be crazy, but you look  _ sore. _ "

Rowen nodded thoughtfully as she slathered her biscuit with honey, "Well said, Ellie. If I'm going to be forking over a week's worth of pay, I'm going to need some details."

My jaw dropped in disbelief, "What, you don't believe me?"

"Well," Ellie broke in, "Captain strikes me as someone that would be hard to seduce, even for you."

I snorted, "Fine." I put two fingers against the skin of my neck right under the corner of my jaw and regarded them smugly, "He's got a hickey right here. That proof enough for you?"

Ellie's jaw dropped and she craned her head to try and catch a glimpse of the mark, dragging a sleeve through her breakfast. I rolled my eyes; I don't think she could be more clumsy even if she tried. When she found the mark, she gasped and whirled around quickly, her cheeks aflame.

Rowen nodded as she caught sight of it as well, moving with far more discretion than Ellie, and said with a quiet smile, "Yeah, that'll do it."

Ellie looked at me and swallowed hard before asking in a whisper, "H-how was it?"

My chest clenched painfully at the thought of sharing any details about the night before, and I tried to resist the urge to frown as I answered in a conspiratorial whisper, "It was incredible, I swear he tickled my ribs! And he did this thing with his tongue-"

Ellie cut me off with a quiet squeal that made Eren and his group look over with curiosity and slammed her hands over her ears, "Stop! Stop! I don't want to hear anything more!"

I leaned back and laughed as her face turned two shades darker and wondered at my reaction to her question. Why had I not wanted to tell her about last night? I frowned; it had to be because he was one of the few captains I'd ever had even a shred of respect for, so I didn't want to disrespect him like that.  _ Yeah _ , I thought as I shoveled my breakfast into my mouth hungrily,  _ yeah, that’s got to be it. _

* * *

By the time we got to the training grounds, nine bells had just finished ringing out. The three of us ran a quick mile to warm up and then strapped on our 3-D maneuvering gear. I ran a hand over the clean smooth metal of my newly cleaned gear and gave Rowen an appreciative nod. The metal gleamed in the morning sun and reflected the images around it; there was no way Levi could complain about my gear now.  I stood straight and looked into the trees, already trying to map out where the towering wooden titans would be this time. I took a deep breath and settled my  mind before looking to Rowen and then Ellie.

“Usual formation?”

They nodded and bent their knees, fingers on the triggers, ready to take off into the trees. I grinned at them and followed suit, my fingers twitching on the triggers eagerly. I stilled my breathing and watched for the signal. Everything faded into silence as I waited for the cadet to drop his hand. My heart pounded in my ears and I rocked forward onto the balls of my feet.  _ Any second now… _

His hand dropped and our tethers hit the trees with a thunk, our gear whirring as we shot towards our mark. With Rowen on my left and Ellie on my right, we took off into the trees, our gear shattering the silence we had left at the beginning of the tree line. I grinned at the feeling of the wind tearing at my braid and looked over at Rowen and Ellie, their grins mirroring my own.  _ Okay,  _ I thought, tightening my grip,  _ let's go! _ I pulled on the trigger for my gas and propelled myself forward even faster.

"Right!" Ellie practically sang as we sailed through the trees.

I glanced to the right and caught sight of her flipping through the trees, hardly having to use any gas. When she was above the titan, she somersaulted through the air, holding her tucked knees to spin even faster and then whipped out her blades at the last minute to cut a deep slice out of the nape of a wooden titan. Rowen and I shifted positions to cover her space while she bounced through the trees, watching for any other movements.

I rolled my eyes as she came back into formation with a twirl, humming a familiar tune. It started off slow and quiet, and then became higher and faster as we spun through the trees, the melody dropping and rising rhythmically with the thunk of our tethers against the trees.

I heard the creak of wood and metal and narrowed my eyes. Where was it? As we sailed over the next trees, I caught sight of a 3 meter replica. I cursed and grabbed onto a tree branch, using the momentum from my flight to flip around the branch. I shot down toward the replica and cleanly cut off a chunk of its neck. I spun and kicked off its head, shooting back through the trees, returning to our formation.

The training continued like that: Ellie and Rowen calling the replicas and the three of us systematically cutting them down. We worked seamlessly, and soon we were landing on the other side of the forest, all titans terminated, hair in a mess.

Ellie tripped as she landed, falling into a heap with a groan, "Why can I never stick the landing?"

"Alright, come on, twinkle toes," Rowen said as she and I hoisted her up and then began to stretch out.


	8. My mind went blank.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia gets called aside for a little chat.

I bent down, running my hands along the back of my calves to my ankles, stretching out my warm muscles. I sighed and let my head loll from one side to the other, enjoying the feel of the heat under my skin and the light sheen of sweat on my brow. As I stretched, I caught myself humming Ellie's tune. She always hummed the same tune when she got excited on a mission or during training exercises. I'd asked her once what it was and she'd just replied that it was something her grandmother had taught her. It reminded me of a lumbering titan in the morning, slow and bumbling before waking up with the sun’s rays. Sometimes I caught myself humming it through the day, the tune was so easy to get stuck in your head.  

I reached over and smacked her arm. She yelped, gaping at me, "What was that for?"

"You got that song stuck in my head again!" I complained with a sigh, tapping my temple pointedly.

She smacked my arm in return, "Well, if it bothers you so much, then just ignore me when we go out!"

Rowen snorted, "That's as hard as ignoring Captain Hanji on expeditions."

We all grinned and looked at each other, throwing up our arms and yelling "Ya-hoo!" in unison before dissolving into fits of laughter.

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa ran towards us, the boys’ faces flushed with excitement and Mikasa's face decidedly blank. I frowned at her. Heaven forbid she and Levi ever get together, they would have the most emotionless children the world had ever known.

"That was amazing!" Eren exclaimed, his eyes wide.

"That's the fastest anyone has ever made it through," Armin threw in, giving Ellie a wide smile that made her blush and go silent, "how did you guys do it?"

"We've got experience, we're not newbies like you kids," I said, poking Armin in the shoulder.

"We have experience!" Eren protested as Armin rubbed his shoulder.

Rowen shook her head and cut off his heated retort, "Sure, you guys have emergency experience and know how to survive in a crisis. We're not saying you haven't seen some shit, we're just saying that we've been working together for six years and have been in the legion together for five, so we have more experience in those areas."

"Plus, I might have tweaked our gear to reduce the friction and boost our trajectory," I whispered conspiratorially to Armin with a grin.  

Eren frowned, unsatisfied, and started going off about who knows what, still trying to fight his case with Rowen and Ellie. Armin regarded me with a kind of awe, leaning forward to undoubtedly shower me with a million questions, but the mill of voices froze uncomfortably as a cold voice cut into our conversation.

"Burrell, come see me."

We all turned to see Levi appraising us with that cool stare of his. I frowned as everyone snapped to attention. I slowly joined them at attention and returned his cool stare; what could he possibly want? He turned, obviously meaning for me to follow him and my annoyance grew. There was absolutely nothing he could complain about with our performance, we had gotten every single titan in record time  - and my gear was spotless!

As we rounded the corner and he turned to face me, I planted my feet, crossed my arms, and scowled at him. "Captain?" I murmured reluctantly.

Without replying, he retrieved something from the pocket of his pants and leaned forward, sliding it down my shirt into my binding. Goosebumps rose up where his skin brushed against mine, and I tried to ignore the rush of heat against my skin as moments of the night before flitted through my mind... the heat of his breath against my skin, the tug of his fingers in my hair, the dark timbre of his voice, his body moving against mine...

"You forgot something in my quarters last night," he murmured with a wicked gleam in his eyes, taking my mind off of the thought of last night.  

Without a word, I took a peek at what was wedged between my breasts and frowned in confusion as torn fabric greeted me. _What…?_ Realization hit me after a beat and rage boiled hot in my veins, the audacity! I leaned forward, my body tense and eyes hard. I had to fight the urge to grab his ridiculous cravat and throttle him with it. I balled up my hands, the thought of doing so almost too tempting. How dare he call me away from training to shove the underwear that _he'd_ torn down my shirt! Outside, in broad daylight, to top it off! Didn't he know what a one night stand meant? What happened to 'we'll go on like this never happened'?

"I didn't _forget_ anything," I growled softly, my voice terse, "I left you to clean up your mess, _Captain."_

He didn't back up, he just stood there, acting like it was perfectly normal for two people to stand so uncomfortably close to one another.  We were mere centimeters apart from each other, his eyes lit with amusement and mine burning with rage. I was trying to decide what witty thing I could say to get a rise out of him when his gaze fell to rest on my lips. My mind went blank. All of the tension left me and my breath quickened as he leaned forward, my lips parting. He stopped when his lips were almost brushing mine and then looked into my eyes again, a smirk lifting the corner of his mouth as he pulled away and walked toward the combat grounds.

I shook with anger and leaned down to take off my boot and hurl it at the arrogant bastard when Rowen and Ellie rounded the corner, walking up to stand beside me. Rowen took one look at me furiously tugging at my boot and cocked an eyebrow at me.

"You were taking a while, so we came to make sure he wasn't lecturing you on our formation," she said with a knowing smile, "I take it he didn't want to talk about the morning training?"

I growled and yanked my boot back on, "He just wanted to acknowledge our obvious skill," I said with a bite I knew shouldn't accompany those words.

Ellie and Rowen laughed as they hooked arms with me and led me towards the combat grounds. "Let's put some of that frustration to good use," Ellie said as they tugged me along, ignoring my incessant grumbling.


	9. No dying on me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia and the corp sets off on the expedition.

The next morning as I saddled my horse, I was only slightly irked at Levi's actions. I had pummeled every opponent I had come up against on the combative grounds, and had then stormed off to run. I don't even know how many miles I ran before the sun went down but no matter how drenched I was with sweat, and how much my muscles burned with the strain, I just couldn't calm down. I'd ended up just taking a shower and stiffly climbing up to my bed. I was so exhausted from the constant physical strain that I had fallen asleep as soon at my head had touched the pillow. But when I woke up the next morning and walked into the mess hall to see his smug face, the annoyance had raged through my veins again with a vengeance.

I put my shoulder under the girth and pushed up, tightening the leather as far as it would go. My sorrel nickered to me and shifted uncomfortably, the old leather creaking. I frowned and cocked my head at her. I might have tightened it a little too furiously at the thought of Levi, but still, I shook my head and rolled my eyes; if she didn't puff out her stomach every time I went to saddle her, I wouldn't have to strap it so tight. I reached out and tickled her flank. She stomped her back foot irritably and swung her head around to shove her nose into my rib cage, pushing me away. I grinned and rubbed a flat hand against her forehead, stumbling when she pushed her weight against my hand, her eyes lolling closed with pleasure. I giggled and shoved her away. Walking to the front of her stall, I took her bridle from the gate and coaxed her into letting me put the leather over her ears and the metal bit between her teeth.

Before I buckled my supplies and rations to the saddle, I pulled a sugar cube from one of my bags and covertly slipped it to her. She greedily snatched it away and licked my hand clean of any trace of sugar. When she had finished crunching the granules, she nibbled on my fingertips, searching for another treat. I smiled; I'd had Sugar as my expeditions partner for three months now, after my other horse had been killed on a previous expedition. Sugar and I got along fairly well, she was a pain sometimes, but so was I, so I couldn't complain too much. er stubbornness kept her alive on the expedition, something else we had in common. I grinned as I thought of her rearing up and kicking out at one of the titans on our last expedition; she was something else all right.

The bell rang out rhythmically, calling us into formation and my mood instantly sobered. I swallowed hard and swept a hand down the length of Sugar's long neck. Her ears flicked back and she turned to settle her warm brown eyes on me, my nervousness unsettling her. I smiled and scratched her chest as she settled her head on my shoulder and pushed her chin against my back, pulling me close to her chest. My smile wavered and I threw my shaking hands around her neck.

"Let's make it through this one too, miss," I murmured into her fur, breathing in the smell of soft hay and sun warmed fields, "No dying on me."

She backed away from me and turned to pull some hay off of the ground. I rolled my eyes and poked her belly as I pulled her towards the gate, "That's enough, fatty, we are already late to the formation and our new Captain isn't exactly the forgiving type."

I put a foot in the stirrup and swung up, shifting in the saddle before urging her into a gallop. Her ears pricked at the command and she eagerly jumped forward, kicking up her back feet before speeding towards the front gates. I pushed my legs against her strong sides and pressed a hand against her withers, feeling the rhythmic bunch and release of muscles against my hand. I leaned low against her neck and wet my lips in anticipation as I galloped over a hill and caught sight of Rowen, Ellie, and my new squad already in formation. A bloodshot sunrise colored the morning red, and as we set out past the gates and toward the city, I couldn't help but wonder at what this expedition held for us.

* * *

We rode hard through the day and were well into the open wilderness outside the walls when the sun began to settle low on the horizon. We had encountered a few titans on our way, but none of them had been unique variants, and the cadets on the outer edges of the formation had been able to take care of them with only a few casualties. It was all so normal after having to fight off Annie that I could have been convinced that the terrible battle had never happened. We didn't have any fatalities as we neared the sheer rock cliffs that Erwin had decided we would use for the night, but I still couldn’t hold back the sigh of relief when our shelter came into view.

Its sharp cliffs rose high into the sky, shockingly at contrast with the green grasslands and towering forests we usually encountered on our expeditions. I stared for a moment in awe as we galloped toward it, our horses lathered in sweat from the hard ride. As we got closer, I noticed a dark crevice in the rock. The cave opening got bigger as we drew nearer and I felt the deep respect I had for Captain Erwin grow. I had no idea how he learned of areas like this one, but he always took impeccable care to make sure we would be safe as we slept. When we finally arrived at the base of the cliffs, I was shocked to find the small crevice was actually a gaping hole in the rock face, large enough for three horses to stand abreast and tall enough for a person on horseback to enter without having to duck.

We wiped down our horses and fed and watered them, tying them outside for the night. Then, after night watches had been appointed, we all grabbed our packs and headed inside. The cave was even bigger inside. There was more than enough room for everyone to comfortably lay down in the main area and complex webs of tunnels spread out from the main area, leaving the actual size of the cave a mystery. A few were given torches and sent to scout out the tunnels to ensure that we wouldn’t be met with any surprises through the night. I grumbled as I was given a torch, but obediently wandered into one of the branching tunnels.


	10. What are you afraid of, Captain?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia finds much more than she expected while she is scouting out the tunnels.

The air became continually more stale as I continued down the tunnel. I encountered a few rats and some caved in tunnels, but otherwise found nothing out of the ordinary. I was about to turn back and report when the small circle of my torchlight lit on a slight figure. They had an arm tight around their knees, pressing them against their chest. One hand was splayed out against the rock like it was a lifeline, the other pulled at the dark black hair on the back of their head, their arm concealing their face. When the light fell on them, they jerked their head up, steely gray eyes wide and unguarded.

I gasped and almost dropped my torch as recognition flooded me, “Captain? What are you doing here?”

Just like that, his mask was back in place. He set his jaw and stared me down, “This branch has already been inspected, Burrell, go report back.”

I was so shocked, I spun on my heel without protesting and almost left, but something stopped me. I rocked on my heels and bit my lip. The image of his face when he had first seen me flitted through my mind. His face had been so unguarded, and for just a moment, I had seen a mixture of shock, dread, and relief, flash through his eyes.  _ Relief.  _ When he had seen my face, he had been  _ relieved _ . Was he relieved it had been someone he could blackmail into keeping quiet about finding him here like this? Or had it possibly been because he was lonely, but too proud to say it?

I stood for a moment, indecisive. I had been so furious at him mere hours ago, but when I’d laid eyes on him, his frame curled up against the rock like a child hiding from his greatest fear, all of the rage had left me. Maybe it was because of the intimacy gained from sharing a bed with someone, or maybe it was for the same reason my hand had reached out to him that night. Either way, I found that I couldn’t leave him there. My feet simply would not let me walk away.

I swallowed hard and turned, walking back towards him. He repeated his order, but his voice was devoid of his usual harshness; instead, there was a hint of desperation that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and my heart pound faster. What could make Levi desperate? As I settled my back against his, tremors shook my frame. My eyes widened in shock. Levi was shaking. Levi - humanity’s greatest hope - was practically shaking like a leaf. I wet my lips; whatever had him shaken up had to be something pretty big. I put the torch on the ground, letting the warm glow encompass us like a cocoon and leaned back, my head knocking against his. He stiffened, but didn’t pull away. I chewed on the inside of my lip, thinking, flipping through the few facts I had learned about him over the past years I’d spent in the legion.

“You know,” I murmured into the terse silence after a long moment of thought, “there’s a rumor about you going around the legion.”

“Damn brats. Gossip worse than a bunch of old hags,” Levi said disdainfully.

I ignored him and continued, “They say you grew up in one of those underground towns," I paused to gauge his reaction, but he didn't budge. I continued, "I had to visit one on a mission to collect data for one of Hanji's crazy experiments, it was hell. The air was stale like it is down here, and the stench was worse than death itself, it practically choked you. I could barely keep from vomiting. That was the worst month of my life. People littered the streets, dead and alive, sometime you couldn’t even tell the corpses from the living. And it was impossible to keep track of time. I missed the moon and the stars so much that by the end of my mission I slept outside for a week, just so that I could prove to myself that they were still there. I bet living in a place like that could scar someone so deep that they would seize up if they ever had to go to a place like that again.”

I paused and waited for him to say something, to either deny or confirm the truth of the rumors, but he was quiet. I frowned; what was he so afraid of? I had the insatiable desire to know what it was, but first, I had to get him to talk. I made swirling patterns in the dirt for a moment while I thought, and then I tried a different approach, “I grew up in this little shack of a house inside Wall Maria. My mom was ridiculously strict and my dad was so lax, we always knew that when mom left him to watch us kids we would be able to get away with practically anything. And half of the time, we did."

Levi slowly began to relax as I talked of my home that had been built into the gentle slope of a hill and the quiet market space that was nestled in the valley. He stopped shaking when I talked about swimming in the creek with my brothers. He pushed out his legs and let his hands fall to the ground when I talked about working the fields. By the time I got to my story, his breathing was even and his head was leaned back against mine as we stared at the ceiling and thought back to simpler times.  

"My younger brother,” I chuckled at the thought of his unruly copper curls and devious grin, “he was a prick! One day, my mom went to gather some herbs and left my dad in charge. My little brother decided it would be ingenious for him to leave a spider in my bed to get back at me for I can't even remember what. But he never did anything halfway, so he went and he gathered a whole box full of spiders from the meadow and put them in my bed before I went to sleep that night.

"By the time I crawled into bed, they were so pissed off that I got covered from head to toe with spider bites. There was so much of the little monsters' venom inside me that I almost died. My mom spent all of her savings on doctors and spent weeks nursing me back to health. My brother couldn't sit for weeks, she made sure of that. But, because of that little bastard, I have this ridiculous fear of spiders. Even now I can't stand them." I paused, and sighed out a laugh before asking softly as I toyed with the frayed edge of my sleeve, "It's funny isn't it? How we can be terrified of something so small, so ridiculously small and childish, but no matter how hard we try to fight through it, we can't convince ourselves that it’s nothing to be scared of."

The silence settled over us again, but it was a quiet comfortable silence that made me want to close my eyes and drift into sleep. Just wrap the thoughts of home around me and drift into a quiet slumber, but my incessant curiosity got the best of me and I broke the silence again.

"What are you afraid of, Captain?"

He stiffened and was quiet for so long that I almost thought he wasn't going to answer, but then the quiet timbre of his voice vibrated through me as he spoke a single name.

I was on my feet in an instant, my blood thundering through my veins as I stared down at him. How? How did he know that name? He met my gaze, unashamed, but in his eyes I saw a quiet regret and remorse for saying that one word. That one name.  _ His  _ name.

"Who is he, Burrell?" Levi asked softly, almost reluctantly.

I wet my lips and reached a trembling hand down to pick up the torch from where I had left it lying on the ground, "I-I should," my voice was hoarse and shook unreliably, I cleared my throat and tried again but still couldn't speak louder than a whisper. "I should probably go report back. They'll be wondering where I am."

With that, I stumbled away from him, back towards the camp. Instead of reporting in, I went to a separate branch that I  had found earlier. The end had been sealed off by a cave in and only had the one entrance. I dropped the torch at the front of the tunnel, where it sputtered weakly before the darkness engulfed the flame. I fell to my knees and pounded my fists against the sharp rocks, not caring as they bit into my flesh and my blood colored the rocks. His name repeated over and over again in my head, and, for the first time in years, I let the images flood my mind. His tousled, curling blond hair. His gentle copper brown eyes. His wide generous smile and vivacious laughter. The way it felt to have his arms wrap around me and his lips kiss the top of my head. I remembered the quiet caress of his voice as he told me he loved me.

And then I made myself remember his screams as he had died, forced myself to remember that he was dead because of me. I sobbed, curling in on myself as the image of his torn, bloodied body filled my mind, blocking out all other thoughts. I clutched my chest at the heart wrenching pain and tried to breath as the loss of him came back to me. I pulled at my hair and screamed at the darkness until I stopped resisting and let it consume me.


	11. That's when the titans attacked.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The corp runs into some titans and Levi saves Yesenia's ungrateful ass.

Ellie was the one who found me there, clothes stained with my own blood, hair in a mess and tears staining my cheeks. She didn't say anything, and I was grateful to her for that. If she'd tried to comfort me at that moment, I'm not sure how I would have reacted. She just gently pulled me to my feet and tugged my bloodied jacket from my shoulders. She curled it up to conceal as many of the blood stains as she could and tucked it under an arm before leading me back to camp.

I could recognize that people were speaking to me, but I didn't respond. Even if I'd wanted to, I don't think I could have. I'd screamed my throat raw. Now that the dam that I'd spent so many years building and tending to had broken, there was no escaping from the ghost of him. I mechanically did my duties and obediently bathed when Ellie and Rowen shoved me towards a creek. I even let them bandage the shredded skin on my hands, but I wasn't there, not really. When it came time to sleep, I wandered back to my solitary tunnel and let the memories consume me again.

* * *

The next morning, I made my way back to the camp and gathered my things in a trance. Ellie and Rowen tried to talk to me, but I brushed them aside saying I had one errand or another I had to get done. Luckily, the commanders always pushed for efficiency, so we were out of the cave within the hour. I fell into formation and let the expedition move forward without me. We entered a forested area as we made our way through Wall Maria, driving the legion forward towards Shiganshina. 

That's when the titans attacked.

Cacophony broke out as the commanders barked orders and wires whirred, lifting cadets off of their horses and into the trees to fulfill those orders; I didn't move. A titan ran out of the trees on my left and I dumbly stared back at it. _If I just let it eat me, I could finally be rid of it: this life, the haunting memories. I could maybe see him again._

A force hit my back and a strong arm looped around my waist, hoisting me out of my saddle and up into the trees. Beneath us, Sugar jumped over the hand that had been coming for me, disappearing into the forest with a snort and a kick. We landed on a tree branch high above the mayhem that was unfolding around us. I winced as the person slammed me into the tree trunk, fingers digging into my shoulders. I blinked blearily at them for a moment before I recognized those cool gray eyes.

"Captain?" I murmured weakly.

His scowl deepened and he released his hold on my shoulders to backhand me. My head snapped to the side as his knuckles cracked against my face, busting the skin along my cheekbone. The pain pulled me out of my dream like a hand pulling me from a bucket of ice water; the world around me exploded with colors and the heat of pain thrummed through me. I gasped and blinked rapidly to dispel the spots in my vision. I slowly turned to regard him. 

"Wake up!" Levi snapped, "I have soldiers out there dying because I'm not there to give them orders. I don't have time to babysit brats. If you want to die, do it on your own time. Right now, you are under my orders, so do your damn job!"

I stared at him for a moment, my hand on my cheek, my jaw slack. He was right. I swallowed hard and embraced the pain like a friend, its sharp sting keeping my mind focused. I had to be strong for Ellie and Rowen. I had to make sure they got through this expedition too. I could take care of  _ him _ later. Right now, I had to make sure we got as many soldiers back to their families as possible. I silently asked  _ him _ to forgive me and then straightened, picking up my triggers and slamming new blades into the hilt. I pulled them out, the metallic ring vibrating through the air around us.

"Then what are we still doing here?" I asked, flicking out my tongue to catch the blood as it trickled down my face before turning away from him and shooting forward.

A tether hit the tree beside me and I jerked my head to the side. "That's more like it!" he growled as he sailed past me.

I stared after him for a moment, amazed at how he spun through the trees. He didn't let a single movement cost him his speed and used his strength to push through the trees when he could to save his gas. My mind drifted back to the night before and I gripped the hilts tighter. I felt the sting of pain as my newly scabbed cuts reopened and seeped blood onto the white bandages on my hands. I grit my teeth, but didn't loosen my grip. I had to stay focused and if pain was what it took to keep me focused on this battle, then I would lose as much blood and flesh as was needed. I'd promised myself I would never lose anyone important to me ever again, and yet I'd let Ellie and Rowen run into the fray without me. How could I have sunk so low into myself as to do that?

As I sailed over the fray I tried to do a headcount; so far there were only five missing. That was good. I tried to find Ellie and Rowen, finally spotting them taking down a 10 meter class titan. I shot forward and hung beside them as we searched for another titan.

"Are you-?" Ellie started, but Rowen cut her off.

"Good to have you back," Rowen said with a terse grin.

I returned the grin and nodded to her, "What do we have?"

"We have two more 5 meters and one 7 meter. Seems like we're almost done, just picking off the stragglers at this point," Rowen reported.

I turned to reply, but was cut short as a leaf fluttered down to land in my hair. I lifted a hand to tug it out when I saw it: a unique variant hung suspended above us in the trees, its mouth open in anticipation. When it noticed me watching, it released its hold on the wide tree trunks and fell towards us, hands outstretched.


	12. That was my kill.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia and the corp fight the aberrant.

"ABERRANT!" I screamed, diving to the side as the titan fell towards us at an alarming speed.

Rowen and Ellie shot away and I tried to follow them, but my hands had bled through the bandages. I cursed as the blood slickened hilt slipped from my grip. I grabbed at the wire that attached the sword to my gear, but with the ground looming ever closer and my blood covering the wires, I couldn't get a good grip. With an undignified whimper, I gave up and reached out to a branch that I was falling toward. I let out a strangled yell as my stomach hit the tree and my ribs cracked against the impact. I breathed deep as adrenaline flooded my veins, drowning out the pain for a few blissful moments, but I knew it wouldn't last long. I had to act fast. _Get up, get up!_ I thought angrily as I struggled against gravity's greedy hands pulling me back down. I grit my teeth and let out strained, panting breaths as I pulled myself on top of the branch and tried to find the variant. I froze as a tangle of curling blonde hair shot past me. My mind went blank. I gasped and rocked forward searching for his gentle copper eyes. A small part of me whispered that he couldn't be here, even if he hadn't died all those years ago, but in the middle of the mayhem and carnage of battle, those thoughts were easily forgotten.

"NIA!" I turned in a daze to see Ellie diving toward me, arms outstretched.

She hit me with enough force to knock me from the branch and send me tumbling toward the ground once again. Gravity had its way with me this time and I hit the ground, the force knocking the wind out of me and jarring my already broken ribs. I clamped my teeth down over an anguished scream, my adrenaline already leaving me to fend for myself. I took a few shallow breaths to clear my head and looked up to yell at Ellie for using that stupid nickname and knocking me out of the tree. The words died in my throat as Ellie's screams filled the air.

I watched, frozen in horror, as the variant crushed her in its grip. She was on the same branch I had been on only moments ago; she had taken my place. The world fell into a gray silence as everything slowed around me. I couldn't move, I couldn't breath. Why? Why had she done that, she was terrified of dying at the hands of a titan. Another anguished scream ripped the air as the titan tightened it's grip. I flinched at the sound of crunching bones. Ellie went limp; it must have broken her spinal chord.

"NO!" I screamed, pulling myself out of my shock. I ran forward, reclaiming my swords and shooting towards the titan.

I put a tether into its eye, snarling at the beast. It yelled and reached a hand up toward me, but didn't release its grip on Ellie. I shoved a blade deep into its forehead and held tight as hot air blasted me and the titan flailed in agony. I turned and sliced away the fingers that were trying to claim me with my other blade, catching a glimpse of the still captured Ellie. A sob escaped me at the sight of her limp figure and I twisted the blade that was still lodged in its wide forehead, gritting my teeth as the heat began to erode away my skin.

"Come on!" I screamed at the monster, "Am I not enough of a bother to you yet?!" It screamed but refused to let her go. "COME ON!"

I whimpered helplessly at the thought of losing my other blade, but unlocked it from the hilt anyway and hurled it into the other eye. Rendered blind, the titan finally released it hold on Ellie, both hands going towards its face. I pulled my tether free and left my other blade in its forehead, falling towards the earth. A gigantic hand tried to grab me from the air, but just knocked me away; I grunted against the pain as I hit the trunk of a nearby tree. I whirled around trying to find her and felt my throat tighten with the threat of tears as I caught sight of her broken form. I flew towards her and hit the ground faster than I was anticipating. I landed in a heap and unsteadily tried to find my footing. I stumbled towards where Ellie had fallen, clamping a hand over my mouth to stop the sobs that were threatening to escape.

I gently pulled her into my lap and pushed her tangle of curls out of her face. She was still breathing, but just barely. I pulled her to my chest, "Why?" I whispered, "Why couldn't you just let me die?"

"You…" I jumped at her strained whisper and pulled away to find her dim green eyes fixed on me, "still have… things... to live for," she forced out, smiling at me as the light left her eyes.

"No, no, no, no," I murmured, searching her face for any signs of life. "Don't. Don't do this to me. You can't die like this!" I shook her frame, I slapped her face, but no matter what I did, she wouldn't respond.

A booming yell tore me from my sorrow and I turned to settle my gaze on the abnormal. Scouts were flying around it, looking for an opening. Rage boiled hot in my veins as I watched it tear a scout in two before skewering another on a tree branch. I gently laid Ellie down before grabbing my swords. The monster would not claim another life. My muscles were coiled tight in anticipation and my blood was thundering through me. I wanted blood. I wanted to dig my blades into its flesh and rip away its arms, its legs; over and over again until it couldn't regenerate, just peel away its very skin and let its screams sing me to sleep.

I put my fingers on the triggers and prepared to shoot forward and satisfy my bloodlust when Levi shot forward from the trees. I stopped to regard him with confusion. Where the hell had he been and why had he only cared to show up now? I followed his movements and gasped as I realized he was going in to kill it. I shot forward with an enraged scream. No, no, this was my kill! I would be the one to make it pay!

With a clean, flawless cut, the titan went down.

I slammed into Levi where he stood stoically on top of the steaming tumbled off of the titan in a tangle of limbs and gear. Levi easily pushed me off of him, pushing his feet against my stomach and throwing me over his head. He was on his feet in an instant, his eyes wild and alert, his blade brandished protectively in front of himself. I struggled to get back on my feet, but his blow had knocked the air from me and reminded me of my broken ribs. After a stunned moment, a few cadets came forward to restrain me. I shoved against them with all the strength I had left, straining towards Levi.

"That was my kill!" I screeched at him, unable to keep my wits about me now that the battle was over and the pain was cloaking my thoughts, "It killed Ellie! You took my kill from me, you bastard!"

Realization dawned on his face and he quietly replaced his blade. He relaxed and stood, pointing to cadets and giving orders. _What the hell is he doing?_ I thought, watching him walk around and bark out orders. _What the hell is he doing?!_ I'd be damned if I was just going to sit here while Levi ignored me. I bit one of the cadets holding me and turned on the other, but before I could strike out at them, they slammed their fist into my temple. I hit the ground with a groan and didn't get back up. All of the fight left me lying there on the ground like a lifeless puppet. It was my fault, all of it; Ellie was dead because of me. Just another name to add to the list of people who would still be alive if they hadn't met me. I drifted below the waves of pain and closed my eyes.


	13. Wings of freedom, my ass.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A retelling of the events of last chapter from Levi's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Yes, you are reading right, this chapter is from Levi's point of view. I felt like he was kind of getting the short end of the stick with it being from Yesenia's POV so I thought I'd give you a peek at what was going on behind the scenes. . .

LEVI'S POV

I shot past her toward the fray, my annoyance making my movements unnecessarily jerky. I clicked my tongue and tried to roll loose the tense strain in my shoulders. What the hell was wrong with the stupid brat? She was just going to sit there and get herself eaten, probably would have gotten her horse hurt too, and then her friends had the guts to tell me to fetch her. They were too much trouble, the three of them. They had skill, sure, but not enough skill to make it worth all of this shit.

We separated when we got to the clearing. I flew through the trees taking a head count and killing a few titans that my cadets were having problems with. I'd lost a few; I cringed inwardly at the thought of sharing the news with the families, but for an ambush they'd done decently.

"Levi!" Erwin's shout cut through the mayhem. I jerked my head to the side to find him standing in a tree just east of the fight. I tried to keep my face neutral but couldn't keep the furrow from my brow. What the hell did Eyebrows want? I shot around the trunk of a nearby tree, flying towards him, an uneasiness settling in my gut.

I landed on the branch beside him without a word, waiting for him to initiate the conversation.

"We need to capture the aberrant," he said, the intensity of his cold eyes confirming what I'd feared.

I lowered my chin, my grip on the hilts of my swords tightening. I'd feel so much better if I could just shove my blade through his neck and be done with his insanity, but in this world, we needed his particular insanity if we were going to survive against the titans.

He took my silence as his cue to continue, "Hanji hasn't been able to get Annie free of the crystal yet, but we need to keep moving forward. We have been able to capture a few titans and a shifter to study, but the aberrants are still a mystery. Think of what we could learn if we could experiment on one!"

My frown deepened at the word 'experiment', but I couldn't disagree with the logic of it. My blood ran cold at the cry of one of my cadets and I pushed my hilt deeper into my palm to keep from shooting into the fray.

"Where's the equipment?" I said, my voice monotone.

Erwin straightened with a smile, thinking he had won, and looked over his shoulder into the trees, "Hanji and a few of the cadets are bringing it now."

I followed his gaze to where a few rays of sunlight slipped through the overlapping layers of leaves. They were bringing it here? The unit with the wagons had been positioned in the middle. Our unit was on the outer edge of the formation. It would take time for the equipment to get here, time my cadets didn't have. Even just five minutes could stretch into an eternity on the battlefield. I heard another cadet scream.

"And what are we supposed to do until the wagons get here?" I asked, some color bleeding into my words despite my attempts to keep it out.

He turned to look toward where my cadets were battling the aberrant, his smile turning into a grim twist of his lips, "Keep it busy."

"And how do you plan on keeping that big oaf busy?"

Erwin didn't reply, the answer blatantly obvious. I clenched my jaw and dug my nails into my palms. He was going to use my cadets to keep the monster busy all for the 'good of humanity'. How many times had he done this? How many soldiers had he sent to their graves so that he could keep moving forward? How many would he send to the reaper today? Bile rose up in my throat and I swallowed it back down thickly. Filthy.

A grief soaked scream tore through the mayhem of battle. It was anguish and pain and fury all manifested in a single chilling cry. It made me think of the cadets I'd lost, the people I'd once been stupid enough to call my friends, dying in a pool of their own blood: Petra. Eld. Gunther. Olou. Farlan. Isabel.

Their names tore through me, the loss of them leaving a hollow pain in my chest. I couldn't stand still. I shot forward. I couldn't form a new squad. I couldn't even bear the thought of doing so. I was done sending my cadets to their death. I could help them and I would not watch on standby while they died for some idiot's vision of the future.

Erwin stopped me before I could get too far, his ridiculously long arm snatching me out of the air and slamming me against a trunk. I scowled at him and brandished my blades in a quiet threat he knew I wouldn't follow through with.

"Stop, Levi!" He bellowed, the threat of what repercussions my insubordination would carry displayed in his eyes, "Let them actually help humanity move forward! They want to-"

"Die?" I cut in dryly.

"Make a difference," he amended, with a gentlemanly frown, the pompous bastard. "If they knew their lives would help humanity move forward toward a world without walls and without fear, they would gladly die!"

"Why kill off all of the pests if you don't have any humans left to live in your perfect world when the war is over?" I asked ducking under his arm.

I'd tried to keep my face blank, but it had decidedly settled into a scowl and I couldn't seem to find my mask. Without waiting for an answer, I dropped off of the limb and flew towards the fray.

The monster had already killed half a dozen of my cadets. I hissed out a breath from between my gritted teeth. Just a few moments, I'd wasted just a few precious minutes talking to the blonde orangutan and look how many the beast had killed.

It was preoccupied with its kills, distracted by the metallic tint of blood in the air, and I wouldn't wait for it to see me. I would deal with making a coward's blow, maybe that way I could save at least one of them. I swung off a clean chunk from the nape of its neck and it fell with a soft thud that betrayed its actual mass.

I landed on its shoulder and looked down at it. I hardly noticed the hot steam that billowed up around me, distracted; contemplating what exactly Erwin had in store for me. He couldn't do much to me, I was too valuable to his cause, but my cadets were as vulnerable as newborn lambs, ready for slaughter. I ground my teeth together, maybe I had been reckless.

Someone slammed into me with an enraged scream. For a moment I thought perhaps I was wrong, maybe Eyebrows would just find another person to lead the squad and take on the title of humanity's greatest.

Adrenaline surged through my veins and my body moved automatically, remembering the days long ago when I roamed the underground streets fighting for my life. My knees came up against my chest, my feet flat against my assaulter's stomach. Pushing through with the balls of my feet, I propelled them off of me. I sprang back up on my feet and tried to conceal the hard rise and fall of my chest, tried to quiet my harsh panting breaths. My eyes were wide and wild, trying to identify my attacker.

I wasn't prepared for what I found. Cadet Burrell was crumpled on the ground in front of me, strands of her hair framed her face having fallen out of her french braid. She was back on her feet just a moment after I was, her stance unsteady, a feral snarl contorting her face. Tears streaked down her cheeks, pale streams that stood out starkly against the dirt and blood splatters. She made to come after me again, but Cadet Johnson and Lee jumped forward to grab her arms. In between incoherent screams, I was able to make out a few strangled words.

"That was my kill!" Her words were strained, but she spoke them with the conviction of a dying man, "It killed Ellie! You took my kill from me, you bastard!"

Her words didn't quite come together the way they were supposed to. Pain was fighting for the possession of her, I could see in her eyes. I closed my mouth, inhaling through my nose, and straightened out of my fighting stance.

Ellie. That was one of her friends that had been transferred over with her. I noticed with a sinking horror that the blood causing Burrell's shirt to cling to her skin wasn't hers. Eliza Goodrich. I slowly put my blades away, the quiet hiss of metal on metal carrying over the quiet clearing. It was too quiet, no one moved, no one spoke. All eyes were fixed on us. I had to get them out of here; with the metallic stench of blood still hanging in the air, it would only be minutes before more titans arrived.

I turned on my heel and started giving out orders. A hissed curse was followed by the smack of skin against skin, halting my steps and my words. I slowly looked over my shoulder, struggling to keep my face neutral. Cadet Lee was cradling his hand against his chest, blood seeping from the imprints of teeth on his skin to color his shirt. Cadet Johnson still had his hand in a fist, his face flushed with either anger or fear, I couldn't tell. Between them Burrell was crumpled on the ground, her face blank, figure limp.

I turned and settled a penetrating glare on Cadet Johnson. I knew he didn't deserve my ire, but seeing her face streaked with tears and her hair tangled and clumped with blood made the insatiable urge to protect her rise up within me. As the cadets slunk away to take care of their newest orders, I slowly made my way to stand above her. I frowned down at her, I was getting too close; too close to the idea of opening up to someone, too close to the idea of not being alone, too close to her.

I clicked my tongue in annoyance and knelt down, pulling her crumpled figure into my arms. I bounced her in my arms as I stood back up, settling her weight. She whimpered slightly and I contemplated punching her again. If I knocked her out then at least she wouldn't feel the pain. After a moment, I decided against it and started making my way to the wagon someone had found and pulled forward to transport the wounded. I spotted her tall willowy friend in the back, a weeping gash on her forehead, her form limp.

I took comfort in the fact that I had ordered them to leave the dead. At least I wouldn't be responsible for killing both of her friends. I set her down in the wagon and turned away quickly. I had been curious to see her different expressions, each one seeming like a new piece of the puzzle that made her, each one dazzling and fascinating in their own way, but over the past day I had made her wear so many expressions I hadn't wanted to see. Despair. Desperation. Bloodlust.

_Too close_ , a voice whispered to me from the back of my mind. I pushed my nails into the palms of my hands and closed my eyes for a moment. When I opened them, I had made my decision. I started searching the ground for a tangle of blonde curls and pulled out one of my knives from a sheath I kept concealed under my jacket, preparing myself to cut loose another bloodied pair of wings. Wings of freedom, my ass.


	14. How I remember them.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Yesenia try opening up for once.

YESENIA’S POV

Unconsciousness only held me for a few blissful seconds before I was jostled into reality. I groaned against the pain in my side and the slow throbbing ache at my temple. After a few more moments, I recognized the pressure of strong arms cradling me, shifting me to take the pressure off of my ribs. Something in the back of my mind was telling me I needed to wake up, that I had something I needed to do.

I groaned and tried to sit up, but the arms around me tightened, pulling me close to the person's chest. I stilled as I listened to their steady heartbeat and slowly began to relax. My lids were heavy with sleep and I contemplated why I needed to wake up once more before I closed my eyes and let sleep take me.

I got jostled awake many times to flashes of horses, trees looming above me, a quite voice sobbing my name, gentle hands. Every time, sleep’s hold on me was just too strong and kept pulling me back into its warm embrace. What finally woke me was the soft thump of a door closing, followed by a hesitant wrist on my neck after I groaned. I reluctantly opened my eyes, having to blink repeatedly before the world cleared around me.

“You!” I hissed with as much venom as I could muster. My hand immediately going for the knife I kept at my calf. I gasped against the pain that exploded along my ribcage. I wrapped my arms protectively around my ribs and glared up at him as I took in short gasping breaths. Even if my ribs weren’t broken, my knife had been taken. I was completely defenseless.

Levi walked to his desk and pulled my knife out of a top drawer. He deftly twirled it in his hand, flipping the blade up and down before throwing it to the floor where it landed, the tip embedded in the wood.

“You should wait until you can properly move again before you try to kill me,” he muttered.

“So, what, you’re disarming me for my own protection?” I snarled, the ferocity of my statement making the pain in my ribs flare.

He stared at me, not even a blinking in response.

I gritted my teeth and looked away, settling my gaze on the small flame that flickered in the lamp on his desk. My jaw went slack as realization finally set in. His desk… I let my eyes wander over his furniture, the armoire standing in the corner, his desk with all of its neat piles of paperwork, his gear shining in the quiet glow of the lamp, the dark wood of the footboard at my feet: without a doubt, this was his room. My eyes settled back on him for a moment. He was watching me with a bored expression, but his shoulders were stiff. Slowly, I reached a hand up to my hair. It was soft and clean, free from the dirt and grime of battle. I hesitantly looked down and took in my favorite nightdress where my bloodied uniform should have been.

“You-”

“Don't flatter yourself, brat,” he interrupted. “Rowen took care of you. You were still knocked out but she didn’t want to leave you… like you were.”

A sharp pang in my chest overpowered the dull throb in my mid section. I swallowed thickly. Rowen. She was still alive. She had been fighting with the loss of our friend by herself. She had washed  _ her  _ blood out of my hair. I had to go see her; being by herself without Ellie, no matter how strong Rowen always acted, I knew she couldn’t handle that. But, how could I face her? I was the reason Ellie was dead.

“Why?” I sighed, all of the fight gone, “Why did you have to say his name?”

Levi clenched his jaw and looked away.

I pulled my knees to my chest, the stability easing the throb along my rib cage, “None of this would have happened. Ellie would still be alive. But you... Why did you have to say his name? Why weren’t you there? Why am I here?”

The questions just kept tumbling out and I couldn’t stop them. Each one demanding to be recognized, all of them ringing with the need to be said. Each one dripping with regret. If only things had been different, if only I hadn’t ever made that stupid bet with Ellie and Rowen, Ellie would still be alive.

“Too close,” Levi’s whisper tore through my thoughts and I slowly lifted my gaze to find him standing with his shoulders tense, the skin around his eyes tight as he stared at the knife in his floor.

“What?”

He looked away and walked to his desk. He opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a stack of fabric. I squinted my eyes and tried to make out what the dark shapes were in the quiet light of the lamp. He settled in the chair that was seated beside my bed and hesitated for a minute, his movements unsure. Then, in one smooth movement, he fanned out the pile across the bed. My heart sunk as my eyes fell on six different patches of the wings of freedom, all spattered in blood.

“This is how I remember them,” he said flatly. “I have all but one. Farlan,” he said as he touched one and then moved on to the next, “Isabel. Eld. Gunther. Olou. Eliza.”

My head shot up at her name. He picked up the last patch, the blood still bright against the colors of the scouting legion, and handed it to me. I reached out a shaking hand to take it from him gingerly. I smoothed it over my knee and fingered the jagged edges of the fabric. The names he'd said, most of the had been from the squad that was killed while we were fighting Annie. Looking down at the bloodied pairs of wings, the answer to the question I’d asked him in the cave was suddenly, startlingly clear. The thing he was most afraid of, the thing he hated more than anything, was losing those closest to him.  

“I wasn't there,” he started like he was going to explain, but then he stopped and looked down at the arrangement of bloodied patches and said more firmly, “I wasn't there.”

I was quiet for a moment, stunned. I let out a shaking breath and tried to make sense of what was happening. When my thoughts wouldn’t move quickly enough to provide me with an answer, I closed my eyes and thought of Ellie. Then I asked very quietly, not wanting to know the answer, “Did we bring anything home to bury?”

He had been so still that I was able to catch the smallest hint of movement when he flinched, “We had lost wagons and horses in the attack. The wagons we had were used to bring the living back.”

I swallowed thickly and nodded. I should have expected nothing less. Still, the thought of Ellie's gentle mother opening her door to a soldier reporting that Ellie was “missing” was enough to choke me. I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat. Why was he doing this? Showing me something so deep, so personal; he was practically taking me to the graves of the people he had held most dear to him. It felt wrong. I fingered the edge of Ellie’s patch as the unsettling feeling grew. He had answered my question. I covered her patch with my hand and and put my forehead against the top of my hand.

_ You still have things to live for _ . I could practically feel her gentle nudge pushing me forward. In my mind I could see her, as beautifully messy as always, with her gentle grin and glittering green eyes. I didn’t know if this is what she’d meant when she said that, but something told me she would have loved to hear about how tonight turned out if she was still here. And I couldn’t live with the feeling of owing Levi; he answered my question, I had to answer his.  

“Jerome,” I choked out his name, fighting to get the words out, “was my husband.”

His eyes widened in shock. I continued before he could say anything.

“We married young. It took some convincing on his part. I was in love with him, but I was still only sixteen and he was just a few years older. It didn't take much. We were married for three years before the titans attacked.” There was a weight on my chest that increased with every word. My breath was becoming more labored, my hands were shaking, “He sacrificed himself for me so I could get out alive,” I barely got the words out before I was back in the basement, six years ago.

My beautiful old mare’s blood oozed down from the cracks in the hatch. It was dark and cold. I could feel the earth's chill seeping into my bones, taste the iron tinge in the air. The rough wood of the hatch cut into my skin as I pounded against it. I had to get out. I had to stop him.

I screamed his name. This wasn't what we'd agreed to. He was going to ride Betty out and I was going to wait for him. We would both survive. I shoved my shoulder against the hatch, pushed past the pain that blossomed along my shoulder. Or was it my torso?

It was useless. Even if he hadn’t left Betty’s carcass over the small door, he’d locked it; I couldn’t get out. His screams tore through me. They were soft, but they were unmistakably his. I was trembling so hard it was almost as if someone had me by the shoulders and was shaking me. His screams got closer. Louder. Higher. No, that wasn’t right. Was it?

“Burrell!”

I spun in the darkness. No, I was alone. Who was yelling for me? Another anguished scream had me hurtling myself at the hatch again. With each slam of my shoulder into the wood more blood fell into my hair, soaking through the thin layer of my clothes. My face was wet with tears as I sobbed his name, screamed at him.

“Burrell!”

There it was again.

“Burrell, open your eyes!”

I sobbed out a whimper. If someone was there, why didn’t they help me? Why would they have left me there, why would they have let him die for our sake?

“Burrell! Burrell, look at me! Look at me, damn it! That’s an order!”

An order? I turned to find a pair or stormy gray eyes inches from mine; eyes that harbored dark circles hiding under low thin eyebrows, eyes that could only belong to one person. I blinked as the dark basement faded into Levi’s dimly lit bedroom. I could still hear the pounding of skin against wood.

“Captain?” A worried, hesitant voice floated through the door to Levi’s room followed by another insistent pound, “Captain is everything okay? We heard screaming and-”

“Go back to sleep, brat,” Levi answered, causing me to jump.

“But Captain-”

Another quieter voice interrupted from outside and there was a hushed conversation followed by silence. They were gone. I took in a shuddering breath and stared at the door, it's wood so much like the rough wood of the hatch.

What had just happened?


	15. Please just don't go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Yesenia get some sleep... eventually.

"Where am I?" I whimpered as I stared at the door. The darkness of the basement was still lurking in the corner of my vision. It threatened to engulf me again at a moment's notice.

"Same place you were five minutes ago," Levi answered gruffly.

I jumped again as his deep voice reverberated through me. I swallowed hard and looked away from the door. I forced myself to take in my surroundings, remember what was happening. I was in Levi's room. He had me here because I had broken ribs. I sucked in a breath as I realized the pain wasn't from hitting the door, it was my ribs, the ones I had broken while I was on the expedition. As the facts started to file in, the basement started to shrink away.

I stretched out my fingers, touching my finger tips together to make a bridge. First my pinkies, followed by my ring fingers; my middle fingers mimicked the movement, then index fingers, and my thumbs were last. There, a bridge. I tried to bring back the logical part of me that could make sense of the situation I was currently in. I was sitting in Levi's lap, he had one arm looped around my shoulders, pressing me against him. His other hand was holding my wrists pressed together. One leg curled around my legs and the other was bent behind me, his knee pushing into my back; I was effectively restrained.

"You started throwing yourself at the wall," he said. I had no idea how he somehow managed to sound annoyed and worried at the same time. "And screaming."

I stiffened and tugged against his grasp on my wrists. He let go and started to move away from me, untangling himself with slow precision. I could feel the chill of the basement seeping in as his warmth faded away. My heart skipped a beat, fear making it unsteady and unsure. I grabbed a fistful of his sleeve.

"Don't!" I cried out before I could stop myself. He froze, turning a wide eyed gaze on me. I licked my lips and tried again, attempting to sound less desperate, "Please, just… don't go."

I cringed. No, I definitely sounded just as desperate.

"Where do you think I would go? This is my room," he replied.

"Ha," I barked out, "right."

A long, uncomfortable pause filled the room. His steely eyes were trained on mine, both of us frozen and unsure of what to do with my unexpected outburst. I turned away, looking around the room. I blinked as I finally noticed the total absence of a sleeping pallate. I looked again, checking the corners, and still came up empty.

"Where are you going to be sleeping tonight?" I inquired, trying to keep up my façade of normalcy.

"People usually sleep in their bed. What's with all these stupid questions, brat?" He grumbled. Although his words were rough, his voice was soft and careful. He moved his arm and leg that were restraining me, but made no effort to separate us.

"Oh," I chewed on my lip with uncertainty. _What now?_ I could feel my eyelids growing heavy with sleep again, but wasn't sure what to do. I knew how to handle Captain Levi. Just little bit of rebellion and sarcasm now and then to show he didn't have complete control over me; a sly wink to make him scowl at me during training, and a dash of sass to keep him on his toes. It was the perfect way to deal with the little midget, but this, this was different. He was different. _I think I want the emotionless bastard Captain back._

A yawn interrupted my train of thought. I pulled up a hand to cover my mouth and peeked over at Levi through watery eyes. He snorted softly and pushed a hand through his dark locks, inclining his head toward the pillows.

"Go to sleep," he murmured, climbing off of the bed to blow out the lamp's quiet glow. I stiffened as darkness flooded the room, invading every corner and crevice. I started to shake, my body going into high alert. There was a creak as Levi opened the window beside the bed and soft pale moonlight bathed the room. I breathed a sigh as the darkness was forced back again. Levi didn't make eye contact as he lied beside me. I shifted uncomfortably, trying to determine the best way to lie down. I tried putting a hand behind me to ease myself down, but winced as my ribs complained. Maybe just falling back against the pillows wouldn't be too painful?

Levi sighed and got back out of bed, coming around to my side. He splayed a hand over my back. "Just lie back."

I stiffened, "I can do it myself! I just have to figure out-"

"Shut up and do it," he growled, "I want to be able to sleep sometime tonight."

I chewed on the inside of my lip and waited a moment, just to be sure he wouldn't leave. Then, I leaned back into his hand, my muscles taut and my back rigid.

"This is going to hurt like hell if you don't loosen up."

I jerked, the proximity of his voice making goosebumps rise up along my arms, "Is that what you tell all the women you help into bed?"

"Just the stupid ones."

I gave an indignant huff and glared up at him. He lifted an eyebrow, daring me to contradict him. I ground my teeth and then forced myself to breath deep and relax, loosening every muscle. He lowered me onto the bed and unceremoniously threw the thin covers over my head. I glowered at him over the top of the thin quilt and sheet, dragging a hand up to put them under my chin. To his credit, he didn't say a thing. He just walked around the bed again and slid under the covers. It took only a few breaths before his face relaxed and his breathing steadied.

_I wonder how long it's been since he's last slept._ Had he slept since the expedition? He definitely didn't sleep on the expedition. Had it been a day? A week, maybe? I stared at his face, the dark circles under his eyes. When was the last time he had gotten more than a few hours of sleep? Had he ever gotten a full night of sleep? I thought back to my trip to the underground city. No. I doubt he'd ever been able to sleep from sun up to sundown. Watching him, I was amazed again at how he could look so defenseless and childlike in his sleep. I stared at the sharp planes of his face, following every graceful line.

"Stop staring and just sleep, brat," his words were slightly slurred.

I blinked rapidly and turned away from him. I could've sworn he was asleep! I shook my head and took one last glance at him before I let myself drift.


	16. I won't watch someone waste good coffee.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Yesenia have some coffee.

I blinked open my eyes, still swollen from my breakdown the night before. I groaned and rubbed at them with a ferocity that probably would do nothing to help relieve the insistent sting. As if the headache and embarrassment of sobbing at the time wasn't enough, there was always the burning, swollen eyes to remind you hours afterward.

I stiffened at the sound of labored breathing, confused. Realization came slowly to my sleep laden mind and along with it, the sharp pain through my abdomen and chest. I chewed on the inside of my cheek in thought. The chances of me being able to act like I was asleep until he left for morning training without him noticing were slim at best. Nonexistent, if I was being honest with myself.

Resigned to my fate, I croaked, "Getting in some early morning action, Captain?"

My question faded into silence as the quiet creak of the floorboards and huffs of air continued. I stared at the ceiling and fiddled with the sheets; he was probably finishing a set.

I had counted all thirty-two boards in the ceiling three times before he answered, "Strength training."

I hummed indignantly and strained to push myself into a sitting position, staring him down when he rose an eyebrow. "All work and no play," I sighed when I had gotten myself up, exhausted from the small exercise.

He shrugged and turned away, pulling a shirt over his head before I could really enjoy the view. He walked over to his desk to claim two coffee mugs. I was about to ask why he needed two cups of coffee when he rose one cup to his lips and offered me the other. I stiffened at the invitation; it was so unexpected and out of character for the sadistic Captain that I was almost certain it was poisoned. But then, everything that had happened since I'd woken up had proved him to be different from the man I'd thought him to be.

He frowned at my prolonged hesitation and lowered the cup he'd been drinking from, "You practically forced me to have sex with you, but a cup of coffee is too forward?"

I grinned and looked back at the ceiling, "Oh, Captain, there was nothing forced about that night."

"Do you want the coffee or not?" After I didn't answer, he turned to set the cup back on his desk, "I'll pour it out later."

"And waste good coffee?" I protested, "No way in hell will I stand by and watch someone waste good coffee. Give it."

He clicked his tongue in annoyance but obediently brought it over to me, watching from the corner of his eye as I took a sip. I almost choked against the cloying flavor, swallowing it down harshly with a wince. He must've dumped at least half a cup of milk and sugar in with it.

"Most people don't drown their coffee in milk and sugar, you know," I choked out.

"How am I supposed to know how you like your coffee?" he growled into his cup, a hint of red creeping up his neck.

I watched the hint of blush with curiosity and fascination. How long had he stood in front of the coffee staring at the milk and sugar before dumping an abhorrent amount of both into my mug? I took another careful sip to hide the smile on my lips, forgetting a little too late that my coffee was just sugar and milk in disguise. Clearing my throat after I got it down, and hiding my grin, I griped with mock distaste, "You could have at least put some vodka in it."

"Oh, for fucks sake," he muttered, walking over with every intention to tear away the cup from me.

I smiled, putting a hand against his chest and putting the cup of coffee as far from his reach as I could. As he strained against my hand, and I tried to push him away, the muscles along my torso tightened, resulting in an agonizing brush of bone against bone. I gasped and dropped the cup, pulling my arms in to cradle my ribs. The cup shattered against the ground, covering the undignified moan that escaped my lips. He immediately backed away, leaving a large space between us.

I hissed out a breath and forced a grin, "That'll wake you up in the morning."

"What are you doing, dumbass?" he growled, his eyebrows drawn together.

My smile faded, "Dumbass? You were the one who was fighting this dumbass over a cup of coffee."

"I wasn't fighting you and if you'd just given it to me, I wouldn't have a mess all over my floor that I have to clean," he retorted.

My jaw dropped; he couldn't be serious. My anger surged, replacing the pain and shock that had taken place within me and I was immediately grasping for something to throw back at him. "Yeah, well, neither of us would even be in this mess if you had just been in that clearing in the first place-" I came to a sputtering stop as I saw his face drop, his mask instantly back in place. It wasn't until that moment that I realized all this time I had been talking to Levi. It wasn't until I saw 'the Captain' that I had realized what I had done.

He squared his shoulders and turned away. I bit my tongue against the apology that was fighting to get out. I had nothing to apologize for; everything I'd said was right, but I'd gone too far, that much was blatantly obvious. I wasn't sure how or why, but his actions last night had made it obvious that he would always regret his actions on the expedition. So why hadn't he been there to help us? I shoved away my insatiable itch of curiosity. I couldn't help but remember the last time I had pushed him for details.

I watched him throw on his coat and slide into his boots, an uncomfortable silence hanging in the room. He had just grabbed his empty mug and started to head for the door when the bell started tolling. We both paused to listen and count the tolls. I cocked my head when it reached six and kept going. Both eyebrows shot to my hairline when it hit eight. By the time it had reached ten and fell silent I had my chin resting in my hands and a coy grin on my face.

I licked my lips and called out lovingly, "Oh, Captain, where are you going at this late hour?"

He had frozen when the bell had started to toll and hadn't moved since.

"What's that?" I continued, batting my eyelashes at his back. "Morning training? Don't they usually start that at five? Surely they've already adapted to your absence."

He spun on me, "Of course they have, brat. I was going to see Hanji."

Even to me he sounded like a child trying to defend his actions. He grimaced and my grin widened. There he was. I was starting to enjoy Levi; he was much easier to get a rise out of than 'the Captain'. I jumped as a wad of clothes were thrown in my face, effectively erasing my grin. I sputtered and didn't even bother to remove the shirt that was draped over my head.

"Get dressed," he ordered as he left the room, "You're coming too. I don't want you touching anything while I'm gone."


	17. You better be decent, shitty four-eyes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi takes Yesenia in for a check-up.

I followed him down the hall toward Hanji's lab, tugging at the skirt and blouse I now wore with a frown. It wasn't so much that I disliked wearing casual clothes like this. It was nice to feel the flow of the fabric against my skin and be able to move without the extra restriction of my pants and belts, but it made me feel so. . .unguarded. How were you supposed to fight if you were weighed down by pounds of fabric? Even the idea of having to fight like this made my skin prickle. I would have been more comfortable in one of Levi's shirts.

The corner of my mouth quirked up in a smile at the thought. How would my stoic Captain react if I were to walk the halls in one of his shirts? What kind of face would he have for me then? My smile grew wider as we rounded a corner and started down a flight of stairs. Would one of his shirts actually be able to cover me? I looked up from the bunched fabric in my hands to appraise his narrow shoulders. I cocked my head as I thought it over. I was so engrossed in my own thoughts and size comparisons that I almost ran into him when he stopped at a wide door.

He gave me a disapproving glance before calling out as he shoved open the door, "You better be decent, shitty four-eyes."

The door recoiled as it hit something with a crash. Levi stiffened as a hollow thump sounded behind the door following the crash. He pulled out a knife from behind his back and fell into his fighting stance. He cut a glance to me before he shoved open the door as far as it would go, and slid into the room. When he relaxed and went to replace his knife, I peeked behind the door to find a rather disheveled Hanji.

She had fallen on her butt, her warm brown hair was a frenzy of tousled tufts, and her glasses sat slightly crooked on the bridge of her nose. Scattered around her was an array of jars and petri dishes and even metal pots. The clear jars and petri dishes revealed all manner of samples- from her precious titans, no doubt- that made my stomach twist with nausea. Nevertheless, I squatted down to help her gather them all back up.

"Oh! Levi!" She exclaimed as she handed me another jar filled with a questionable liquid, "I wasn't expecting you today. And not that I'm not happy to see you, but what are you doing here, Yesenia?"

"She was injured on the last expedition," Levi answered, not making a move to help us retrieve the samples. "I'm bringing her in for a check-up."

_I'm not your damn pet_ , I thought as I ground my teeth to keep from spitting it at him.

"Oh?" She breathed as she looked at me with interest. That single syllable was so heavy that I wanted to hide from her probing gaze. _I do not want to deal with this right now._ Hanji moved forward, shoving a lidded pot toward Levi. He glared at her only to accept it after a moment with a click of his tongue. "You must have been there with the aberrant. I read the report, he sounded absolutely fascinating! I wish I could have seen him."

Bile rose up in my throat and it was all I could do to not drop her samples and empty my stomach on her floor. The monster that had murdered Ellie-killed at least a dozen soldiers-fascinating? The world began to sway around me as red and white flashes dotted my vision. I blinked my eyes rapidly to dispel the swirls and bent to pick up a pot. I exclaimed as the stabbing pain shot through my side and fought to keep the jars I had in my arms.

"Well that doesn't sound good," Hanji said, her eyes growing serious. "Put the samples down on a table somewhere and come to the back."

I was in too much pain to do anything other than obediently follow her instruction. I ground my teeth and tried to blink past the tears forming in my eyes. I'd almost forgot about my damn ribs. Damn things. I almost wished it was a constant pain like a stab wound. That way, I could at least be aware of it and compensate for the wound. With these damn broken ribs, though, it was so easy to forget.

I turned around to push myself onto the table Hanji had cleared off. I immediately regretted it as pain shot through me. Again. I groaned. I just couldn't seem to move the right way. Hanji immediately knelt down, knitting together her fingers to make a step for me. She nodded encouragingly as I gave her a questioning glance. I sighed when I was finally on the table and slumped backwards onto my hands.

"Can you lift up your shirt?" She asked, all business.

I lowered my chin, my eyebrows furrowed. I was still panting from the stabbing pain that was only beginning to subside. She didn't move. After a sigh, I sat forward and obliged, wincing at the movement. She sucked in a breath as she took in the mottled patches of red, purple, and blue that took up most of my right side.

"Have you been coughing up blood?" She asked, prodding at the bruising.

I winced but didn't flinch away from her, "I haven't been coughing at all, thank the skies. I don't want to know what that feels like."

"No, you don't," she agreed, whistling long and low, "You really did a number here, Yesenia. Levi, could you go get some wraps from the drawer in my desk? You know which one I'm talking about."

He clicked his tongue in annoyance and made a remark about 'not being her damn errand boy', but walked down a hall.

"Yesenia," Hanji said a moment after Levi disappeared down the hallway, her voice low. I did flinch this time when she pressed her fingers against my ribs, "Why is Levi bringing you to me?"

"Damn, Hanji!" I cursed, pulling away from her, "I don't know, probably because I have some broken ribs."

"The legion has doctors, you could have gone to them. Instead, he took you to me. Why?"

I stopped and looked at her, really looked at her, and what I found in her eyes sent a cold chill down my spine, "I don't know, Hanji. I guess he just didn't want me touching his stuff while he was gone?"

She frowned in disappointment, "Yesenia, I know you are smarter than that. He brought you to me because he didn't trust the doctors to look at you. . . Don't tell me he was a part of you girls' games."

I stiffened.

She groaned, "Out of all the people in the legion, you had to target him!"

"Well, there was no way in hell I was going to sleep with any of those kids! And what does it matter to you? You aren't together!" I barked, bristling.

"No, no. I'm not interested in anything like that. I believe the term is asexual. He's just an old friend who cares much more than he should," Hanji said, settling a penetrating gaze on me. "He's already damaged as it is. I couldn't forgive anyone for hurting him any more than this on some childish whim. Not even you, Yesenia. Especially not you."

I hair rose up on the back of my neck, the threat in her eyes making my blood run cold. She couldn't be serious. Was she suggesting that Levi actually felt something for me? No. She couldn't be serious. But if he didn't feel something for me, why was I in his room? Why was I sleeping in his bed? My heart beat unsteadily and I swallowed hard. This entire situation was ridiculous.

I stretched out my legs and rolled my neck, settling into my wry grin, trying to hide how unsettled she'd made me. "You've known each other for a while, then. You sure seem to know a lot about him. So what's with the whole 'brat' thing? I just don't get it. I mean, sure I'm not as old as him, but I'm definitely not a kid."

Hanji stared at me for a moment before smiling, allowing the quick change in subject. She answered matter-of-factly, "It's a term of endearment. Like 'shitty glasses'. I don't think he can physically say anything nice, so instead he just spouts off insults. Most of the time he means the opposite of what he's saying."

"That's adorable!" I quipped, my grin growing wider.

"Hmm," she agreed with a smile, gently picking up one of my hands and running a finger down my palm.

I rose an eyebrow, "I thought the term was asexual, not homosexual?"

"When did you get these?"

I looked down at my hand and blinked when I saw the roadmap of red and brown lines across my palm. I flipped the other one over and stared at them both in confusion, "I don't know. I- oh."

I snatched them back and placed my palms against the fabric of my skirt as my mind finally pieced it all together. Compared to the shooting pain of my ribs, I'd forgotten the quiet sting of my palms. I closed my eyes and remembered my frenzied running to get away from even just the thought of him. I winced when I thought of falling in the caves, slamming my hands against the rocks again and again, over and over. I sighed.

"I-um. I lost my grip on my blades during the fight and fell through some trees. It must have happened then."

It wasn't a complete lie.

Hanji sighed, "Well, I guess I should have sent Levi after more than just the wraps. Some of those look like they are getting infected. You'll need to put some healing salve on your hands and wrap them to keep the wounds clean. Speaking of, the runt sure is taking his time. He's probably reorganized my entire desk by now. Let me go check on that and pick up those bandages. Just stay put."

I sat for a moment, knocking my heels together. I sighed and rolled my head over to rest on my shoulder. I rolled it back to rest on my other shoulder. I whistled softly, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't do this.

I jumped down, landing lightly on the balls of my feet with minimal complaints from my ribs. I grinned and bounced up and down on my heels. _I'm sure she can take care of me just as well from her desk as she can at this table._ I walked toward the hallway both of them had disappeared down, tracing my hand along the rough contours of the stone walls, relishing in the hills and valleys in the rock's face. My smile slowly faded as my mind provided a sister feeling. I followed the train of thought, curious.

I recoiled as the thoughts connected, pulling back my hand. These rocks were nothing like that cave, even if I had done the same motions when I'd scouted out the twists and tunnels. No, I banished the thought and pushed myself forward toward the low murmur of voices.

"Damn right, I cleaned your desk, it was fucking filthy."

Levi's exasperated growl took form as I neared. My chest became lighter at the sound of it. Yes, people. Voices. Conversation. That's what I needed. I couldn't be left alone to my own thoughts. There was no telling what dark places I might stumble upon there.

"You found it!" Hanji marveled and I could hear the grin in her voice. "I've been looking for that for weeks!"

There was a short silence followed by a growl, "You shitty four-eyes."

I grinned.

"Yes, but onto more important matters, have the remaining troops gotten back yet?"

My breath hitched in my throat and I froze right before I rounded the last corner. I stared at the ground, the rock swimming beneath me. Troops? We had only just returned from an expedition, why would troops be coming back? Where would they have gone? And the way she had said that, her words heavy, the tense staccato of her voice; the remaining troops. . . Something was wrong. I turned slightly, pressing my back against the wall to keep from falling.

_What is going on?_


	18. Rules be damned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Yesenia have a short talk about what is really going on.  
> Don't get too excited guys, but this does contain some light NSFW material! (You have been warned.)

I slid to the ground, a hollow feeling settling in the pit of my stomach. My mind was reeling. It was all I could do to just sit there and listen. Everything in me was screaming that I needed to throw myself into the room and demand some answers, but both Levi and Hanji would immediately clam up if I did that. If I wanted any answers, I'd have to just sit it out.

"Not yet. The riders they sent out just got back this morning," Levi was saying, his tone terse.

"Did they have anything to say?" Hanji sounded conflicted, like she couldn't decide if she could be excited about what they might have to say or if she was obligated to dread the answer.

"There was no breach in Wall Rose. They searched all night, but couldn't find a single damn stone out of place, but every town they encountered had been attacked. They haven't put a figure out, but the casualties are high. None of the titans engaged were shifters."

I grabbed handfuls of my hair, trying to conceal my heavy breaths. There had been another attack? How could there be titans _here? Inside the walls!_ Here we were, living a hundred years in what we had thought to be safety, only for that idea to be crushed in a single blow. It was like they were laughing in our face. _Stupid humans with your walls, you actually thought you were safe?_

"Then," a heavy pause, "how did they get in?"

Hanji's words immediately stilled my racing thoughts. She was right. They couldn't climb the walls. None of them had been tall enough to go over the walls. The only option was for them to have come in as humans. But if they weren't shifters, what could that possibly mean?

"How the hell should I know, four-eyes? You're the brains."

Silence. My limbs ached with the need to jump up and join their conversation. The need to know _how._

"Think on it," Levi murmured, "Let us know what crazy theories you have this time."

Hanji laughed humorlessly, "This is absurd. How could they get in? Are people somehow being changed into titans _inside_ the walls? Absurd. All of it... Is Pastor Nick okay?"

I was a mess of emotions, sitting there on the floor with my hands fisted in my hair. What could all of this mean? We were all in way over our heads. No one was safe. How could they still be sending us out? The war was over; we'd lost.

Levi scoffed, "You think I can't take care of one old man?"

"Everything is riding on him giving us the information we need, we can't let the enemy get to him," her voice was strained.

"Do we know who the enemy is?"

"No!" her voice was frenzied and a bang made me flinch. The sound of papers fluttering joined the cacophony of sounds, forming a terrifying image in my mind, "No! I have nothing! Levi, I have no idea what's going on! I used to have some idea, but now… Especially now that Erwin has named me as the next commander, I need to be able to do something! But I'm just sitting here in this damn lab looking at the same data I've been looking at for years with no results!"

"Nick is safe," Levi answered after a pause, "and as soon as we get our hands on Historia, you'll figure it out. That demented brain of yours is the only reason the military allows a lunatic like you to run loose, after all."

There was another hollow laugh, "Look at you, getting all sentimental. Maybe I should have a breakdown more often." A growl. "Yes, yes, I know. How has your leg been doing?"

"It's fine," he growled. "If that was all you wanted, then go take care of the brat so we can leave."

Their approaching footsteps were sharp on the stone floor and I jumped. They were going to see me here, know I had listened to their conversation. I moved to stand and then stopped, why should I move? It's not as if I'd done anything wrong. I searched the ground, my face twisted, trying to make sense of the flurry of emotions inside me. Fear for what would become of us after this last attack. Betrayal for them not telling us what was happening. Anger for sending us out blind, to be killed as easy as lambs sent to slaughter. I settled on anger; it was an emotion I knew well, one that I had become well acquainted with and displayed proudly like my blades. I let the slow burn wash over me and leaned back against the wall, waiting for them, ready for them.

I didn't even bother to move as their voices got closer and they rounded the corner. Hanji pulled up short and Levi blinked as they caught sight of me, sitting there with my knees against my chest. I narrowed my eyes at the floor and worked my jaw before I looked up at them.

"How much did you hear?" Hanji asked.

"Enough to know that you've been holding back," I tried to sound impassive, but I could feel my emotions slowly bleeding through with every word I spoke, and I let them. "You're just sending more and more soldiers out to be titan fodder without any advancements. What the hell are we out there dying for? So you can have tea with some pastor? What's really going on?"

"Shut up, brat," Levi barked, moving to stand in front Hanji, who looked as though something inside her had fractured; something that might have been beyond repair.

"Hey!" I yelped in shocked protest as Levi scooped me up. He grabbed a small jar and some gauze wraps out of Hanji's hands, stuffing them into his pocket. He turned on his heel and left without so much as a 'see you' to Hanji. Between my shouted demands to be put down, I craned my neck over his shoulder, throwing Hanji a look that said we were not even close to being done with the conversation. Levi bounced me in his arms lightly, causing me to yelp and startle, halfway afraid he would just let me fall to the ground. For a moment I stayed still in his arms, but only for just a moment, and then I was off again.

"You can't act like that didn't just happen," I continued, beginning to wriggle in his grasp, trying to find a way down. "What's going on with this Nick guy? What's this about people being turned into titans? Hey! Levi-!"

He turned abruptly, dropping me on the floor and slamming me against the wall, "What were you doing in the hall? Hanji left you in the back room."

"I got bored."

He stared me down and tightened his grip on my arms, holding me tight enough to bruise, "Are you one of theirs? Are you another one of their shifters?"

I froze, stunned into silence. He growled and pulled out his knife, holding it to my throat. I lowered my chin and met his glower with one of my own.

"If I was a shifter, don't you think I would have shifted to save Ellie?"

"Those two never shifted until just now. People have been dying around them since before they even finished their training."

"She isn't just people!" I yelled, feeling the prick of his blade at my throat and the warmth as my blood began to bead around it. "Ellie wasn't just some other soldier. She was family. I would have gladly become a lab rat for the damn unicorns if it meant saving her life."

There must have been something in my eyes that he couldn't dispute. After a moment, he sheathed his knife. I opened my mouth to demand some answers again, but froze as he spoke slowly, painfully quiet, "Did you just call me 'Levi'?"

_Oh shit._

I looked away from him, breaking into a cold sweat, "You must have misheard. Are you fantasizing again, Captain? You should keep those things-"

Before I could finish my half-assed attempt at my usual teasing banter, he slammed into me. I was overwhelmed by the heat of his body and shivered involuntarily. His lips crushed onto mine and warning bells began to chime in my mind. I had rules, I didn't have many, but they were mine, and he was steadily breaking every single one of them. I groaned against his lips as his fingers gripped my hips. I trailed a foot against the back of his leg, letting out a gasping chuckle when he lifted me off the ground, pulling a thigh up to rest against his waist. I hooked my ankles behind him, the pressure of his body enough to keep me pinned against the wall. He traced my legs, starting from my calves up to my thighs leaving my skirt bunched around his forearms. Heat throbbed between my legs as his lips pushed mine open and his tongue entered my mouth.

My first rule was to never let it stretch on for more than one night. I had no idea how many nights I'd been in his bed now, but it had definitely been more than one night. I wove my fingers through his hair, savoring the silken feel of it between my fingers. He slipped a hand under my blouse and my breasts ached, eager for his touch. My second rule was to never let it be personal; those bloodied, torn patches had completely obliterated that rule. If I was being really honest with myself, it had been broken long before then.

He tore away from my lips and traced the thin line of red that his blade had left on my throat with a finger before leaning down to trace it with his tongue. I hit my head against the rock behind me softly and tried to stifle a moan. My third rule, one I held in very high esteem, was to leave them wanting more. He shifted slightly to bite the tendon along my neck I had exposed and I couldn't keep from grunting as his teeth scraped against my skin. The heat of his body, his breath against my skin, the smell of him, everything about him was driving me mad and made me grind my hips against his. I wanted him. I wanted the heat of his skin against mine. I wanted to hear my name on his heady tongue. I wanted to taste the salt of his skin. I raked my nails down his neck and growled when my fingers hit the collar of his shirt. I wanted _him_ , right then and there, rules be damned.

He captured my wrists as I started to tear at his shirt and pinned my hands above my head. I whimpered slightly as he pulled away. He took a moment to look at me, our panting breaths mixing in the air as our chests rose and fell against each other. Then he leaned forward and murmured in my ear, his voice so darkly musical, so inebriating, that the very tone of if had me trembling against him and clenching my legs tighter around him.

"Remember, I'm still your captain. Brat."

His last word was just a heated breath against my neck and then he gently pushed aside my hair and bit down on my ear. Hard. I yelped, the shock of it causing me to drop my legs and push him away. I landed in a heap on the ground, hard enough to jostle my ribs and make me wince. I looked up at him in shock, pulling up a hand to gingerly press against my ear. He hadn't broken the skin, but just barely. The corner of his mouth quirked up ever so slightly and then he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving me there, shocked and aching. I would have called my last rule broken if it hadn't have been for the tent in his pants and the sight of him roughly pushing a hand through his hair as he disappeared up the flight of stairs. I tried to calm my panting breaths, but didn't bother to straighten my clothes and just stared at the ceiling. So only partially broken, then; I could work with that.


	19. I need to think about somthing else.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia tries to get some actual intel from Levi.

It wasn't until I was making my way back to his room, after the many minutes required for me to sufficiently cool down, that I finally noticed the deserted halls. The old castle was usually bustling with activity, even when the squads weren't actively preparing for a mission, but at the moment, the halls were deserted. Despite the warm sunlight that fell through the windows, illuminating the dust and pollen in the air, I felt a chill start to envelop me. I took my time walking back to the room and thought over the conversation once more.

We had suffered another attack and the squad had been sent out to search the walls, which had been fine. I gritted my teeth, whoever we were really fighting against was just full of surprises, but that meant we were actually fighting against someone. An actual someone, not just this unending army of titans. Despite the daunting task of finding an end to this war, the idea of having a real enemy, who spent at least some of their time as a human instead of just some dumb beast, gave me hope.

But I still had at least a dozen questions that demanded answering, and Levi was dead wrong if thought he could just kiss me into oblivion and not have to answer them.

I pushed into his room and tried to ignore the spike in my pulse at the sight of him. He was bent over the paperwork on his desk, his cravat carefully folded off to the side. His sleeves were rolled up to his forearms and a few buttons of his shirt were open. He glanced up when I walked in and set his pen down, turning in his chair to address me.

"I was beginning to think you had gotten lost," Levi said, pausing before pulling open a drawer to retrieve the rolls of gauze and ointment he had taken from Hanji earlier. He nodded to the bed, "Sit."

I frowned, "I can wrap my wounds myself." I set my jaw and folded my arms. Honestly, I didn't know one thing about wrapping wounds-I was a soldier not a nurse-but he didn't know that.

He sighed impatiently, "Eliza wrapped them for you before, didn't she?" I stiffened, my breath caught in my throat. He let his words hang in the air for a moment before he repeated, "Sit."

I sat.

He pulled his desk chair up in front of me and flipped my hands over. I tried to regain my bearings as he twisted the jar of salve open. I twitched, resisting the urge to pull away as he spread the salve over the roadmap of scratches along my palms, his touch achingly gentle. He always did that- he'd say something harsh only to follow it up with doing something gentle. I still wasn't sure how to handle him; maybe I could talk to Hanji about it more. She definitely seemed to know enough about him. Then again, she had also looked like she was ready to take my head off at the very idea of me sleeping with Levi.

I watched a bead of sweat trail down his neck before disappearing past the top of his opened shirt, swallowing hard. With everything in me I wanted to push his shirt open and chase the drop with my tongue, push him onto the bed and rediscover every inch of his skin. I tried to redirect my thoughts back to something more productive. Anything was better than thinking about the taste of him, the way he would groan and quiver under my touch. I blinked. _I need to think about something else_ , I prompted myself, watching the muscles along his arms and chest work as he finished wrapping my left hand.

Levi tied off the wrapping with a jerk that pulled the bandage much tighter than was necessary.

I frowned at him through my wince, "So much for bedside manners."

He peeked up at me with a wry grin, the corners of his mouth twitching up almost imperceptibly. He hummed in acknowledgement before murmuring, "You're looking rather hot today, Burrell." He put particular emphasis in his words, trailing his fingertips from the middle of my wrist, through the salve on my palm, to the end of my fingers. I shuddered despite myself. His grin widened.

I bit my lip and sat forward, stroking the skin under his jaw. His grin faltered. I pulled away and inspected my fingertips that had become wet with his sweat. I smiled at him, "You're looking a little hot yourself, Captain."

He closed his eyes for a moment, clearing his throat roughly around a throaty rumble that almost sounded like a growl. I didn't realize I had leaned closer until his newly opened eyes snapped wide. His jaw slackened in shock and the movement was enough to brush his bottom lip against mine.

I recoiled, my heart in my throat. If it weren't for my captured wrist I might have fled the room. Or worse, thrown him onto the bed-an idea that was becoming more tantalizing as the day wore on. _I need to think about something else._

"Who is Pastor Nick?" I blurted.

Levi sighed and sat back, regarding me through half lidded eyes. I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin. The corner of his mouth twitched up into a dry smile before dropping back into a frown.

"We are going to have a legion debriefing when everyone gets back from the mission."

I leaned forward again, my voice low, "Then it really doesn't matter if I know a few hours earlier than everyone, now does it?"

He glowered at me for a moment longer before recapturing my hand to finish wrapping it. "Can't you just wait?"

I caught his wrist in my partially wrapped hand, catching him off guard for a moment. He froze and his eyes tightened, his gaze warning. I locked eyes with him and continued in a fevered whisper. "Going from the conversation I overheard, I would guess I've been out of commission for at least a week, possibly two. I need to know what happened during that time. I need to be ready for when everyone gets back."

I had to be prepared for whatever outcome. I couldn't deal with half the legion returning after I had been holed up here, safe and comfortable. Not right now. I couldn't look them in the eye. I needed to know how they were going to return so I could be prepared when they got here. So I could give those teens my most ferocious smile and tell them we would kill them all next time. I couldn't be a shocked, sniveling mess-and after the past few days, I wasn't sure if I could be anything else.

Levi watched me, pensive, "The commander will tell you what you need to know at the debriefing with the rest of the legion."

I sat back, a wane smile trying to fight it's way onto my lips. I shook my head, "You don't even know, do you?" An almost forgotten snippet of their conversation flitted through my mind and I blinked at him. He stiffened as he saw the change in my gaze but didn't move away. I leaned forward and grabbed his ankle, almost laughing when he grunted in pain and captured my wrist, twisting my arm back. He released me as I fell back onto the bed and glared at me, his face still twisted in pain.

"You were hurt during the expedition, too." I breathed shallowly through the pain that had began to throb through my side at the movement, staring up at the ceiling. "That's why you've been stuck here with me. You don't know what happened on the last mission any more than I do."

"You're getting ahead of yourself, brat," he growled, limping slightly as he returned to his desk. "Just wait until the squad gets back. If there's something the squad needs to know, then I'll tell you. I'm not sending you out blind."

I huffed. _Then he does actually know something. Why won't he just tell me now? Damn prick._

The sun was setting low on the horizon, the night pulling in a cool breeze from the north. I rolled onto the bed, wincing slightly at the stab in my side as I did so. I pulled the hair off of my neck and sighed as the wind played across my moist skin. My eyelids grew heavy. _The pain is stealing all my hours_ , I thought hazily as I pulled a pillow down to press against my stomach, curling in around it. My eyelids blinked open twice more before I drifted, the quiet scratch of a quill on parchment and the soft song of the early autumn breeze becoming a quiet lull in the back of my mind.


	20. Who gave you the liquor?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Rowen's POV. Rowen takes care of Yesenia the only way she knows how.

**ROWEN'S POV**

The commander had sent us off with his usual battle cry and, despite the horrors of the past few days, most of the legion had actually been rallied, believing he would somehow get us through this latest mess. The morons. I sighed through my nose and continued down the hall, smiling lightly at some of the soldiers I passed who were wearing strained, slightly manic, smiles.

We were all just bodies to him; bodies to use however he saw fit and recently, the best use he could seem to find for us was to distract. Who or what we were meant to distract-that was anyone's guess. As far as I could see, he was just sending us off to our deaths while he sat back and watched, not willing to actually divulge his plans to his pawns. He was too sneaky, too clever for me to actually trust and admire as a superior. He was more of a threat than anything.

After the expedition they had sent us off to just sit in a town's tavern, saying we were 'undercover operatives' for some mission. In reality, we had been under surveillance until they were sure none of us would shift, a fact the commander had decided to ignore during the debriefing. Then, we had been sent off to fight titans that had appeared in villages inside walls that hadn't been breached. He'd admitted that much. What he had painstakingly avoided was the uncanny resemblance these titans had had to the residents of the villages. My teeth squeaked and I had to remind myself to not clench my jaw. I lifted my chin and fixed my eyes forward. We had to find out what was really going on. Too much was being placed on chance and theories. _What are we getting ourselves into?_

I walked into the mess hall and froze when I saw Yesenia with a half empty bottle of liquor, the dark liquid sloshing up and down the bottle with every unsteady step she took. I hadn't seen her since I'd been scrubbing blood off of her pale skin, and the sight of her made my steps falter. The roiling mass of anger and desolation came to life in my gut and I tried to swallow it down.

I didn't blame her for Ellie's death. She was scarred, and from the state I had found her in a few times during training, I could only guess at the extensive amount of scarring. I didn't even blame Captain Levi for setting her off. When I thought of the events leading up to my friend's death, the only person I could find responsible was myself. I had been clumsy and gotten myself knocked out while I was escaping from the aberrant. I had spent the entire time on the sidelines while my friends fought for their lives- or lost their life. My inadequate skills were the only things I could find at fault. I tightened my fists around the blisters I'd earned from running through extra hours of routines in the forest.

I straightened my shoulders, the corner of my mouth twisting in pain for a fraction of a second before I smothered it, and continued forward. After a few more days, the soreness would wear off and I would be stronger. Maybe I'd be able to protect Yesenia on the next expedition. For now, I just had to make sure she didn't do anything she would regret tonight.

She handled her liquor well, but going from her halting steps, she'd had a massive dose of alcohol already and she didn't look like she was going to stop anytime soon. I knew better than to take the bottle from her-that never ended well-but I could at least keep her out of trouble.

"Alright," I said as I sat beside her with a small grin, "Who gave you the liquor?"

She took one look at me and froze, her forest green eyes clearing. She clutched the bottle a little tighter and took another long swig. "It's okay, you don't have to act so chummy," Yesenia said with a tight smile, "I got your best friend killed."

"Don't be stupid," I cut in, a little more forcefully than I'd intended. "Did _you_ break her spinal chord?"

"I might as well have," Yesenia replied bitterly, staring down at the bottle in her hand.

"No. You didn't," I said, putting emphasis in each of my words. I sat down on the bench beside her and, grabbing the bottle from her hand, took a swig of the foul stuff. I slammed the bottle down on the table and cleared my throat roughly before leveling my gaze on her, "I already lost one friend. Don't make me lose another."

She swallowed hard and nodded.

I gazed at her a moment longer while the silence settled down around us before sighing. Sitting here and expecting her to continue wouldn't make a difference, she would just stare down at the damned bottle until the sun rose. So, I just gave her another smile and asked again, "Who gave you the liquor?"

Yesenia grinned and stuck her nose in the air, her movements forced, "I stole it from one of the stashes the captains thought they had hidden."

"How about we go get some more?"

A bell and a bottle later, she was swinging her hips and climbing on the table, a blush coloring her ivory cheeks. I watched her with a smile, my chest aching with loss as I thought of the empty air beside her.

During times like these, Ellie would be by her side, bouncing on the balls of her feet, bobbing her head to some imaginary beat, and grinning like a fool. They would have fallen off the table in a heap of limbs and would have laughed until they couldn't breath. Ellie would have then smiled and gestured for me to join them, catching Yesenia's attention. Yesenia would have come and tried to force me to dance. They would have both pouted until I gave in and tried to move my ridiculously long limbs in a pattern that somewhat resembled dance. We would have all woken up, squinted at each other through our hangovers said in unison, "Worth it".

A sigh shook me out of my daydream and I looked beside me to find Captain Levi standing there looking very tired, "Who the hell gave her liquor?"

I shrugged. "Who knows?"

He frowned. "She's going to break her ribs again at this rate."

"She'll be fine, she heals fast," I said, watching the boy's faces grow even more red as she moved her full hips alluringly and brought her hands up along her side and then through her loose auburn curls.

His eyes flickered to me for a moment, questioning my relaxed speech, no doubt. He was quickly distracted by a flick of her hair, though. "What is she even dancing to?" Captain Levi asked, his eyes following her every move despite his exasperated tone.

I grinned and looked away. "What does it matter? We've taken a pretty hard hit, we could all use the opportunity to cut loose and forget about all of the shit that's going on right now. Just look at everyone's faces. When was the last time you've seen those kids smile like that?"

I looked at Ymir with her arm over Christa's shoulders, and then glanced at the famous trio talking excitedly to one another. There were half filled glasses littering the mess hall and everyone looked better for it. My gaze fell on Sasha and Connie seated at a far table staring into the glasses we had given them. I swallowed hard and took another swig of the liquor, hoping to chase away my bout of sobriety. "It's not like you'd want her to stop anyway."

Captain Levi's gaze was immediately on me, his eyes narrowed, "What are you saying?"

"I'm just saying," I said as I watched Yesenia approach Armin with her hand a little too low for anyone's comfort, "she won't want to be alone tonight. So," Armin yelped and ran out the door, Yesenia's laugh following him out, "you should make sure she ends up in your bed. You _are_ keeping her there purely for healing purposes, right?"

She was heading for Jean now.

"You should watch your tongue, brat," Captain Levi growled, his eyes flashing dangerously.

I inclined my head and sighed out a smile, "My apologies, Captain. I guess I've had a bit too much to drink."

Even with the threat in his eyes, I caught the slight flicker of confusion. It was there for just a moment before he covered it. _How? How does she know? Does the squad know? Does Erwin know?_ I could practically hear all of the questions buzzing about. It had only taken a moment for me to observe her cold bed, with its sheets arranged in sharp precise corners, to know that Yesenia hadn't been in it for at least a night. His reaction was all I needed to confirm my suspicions. I couldn't say for sure why he was keeping her close, but I had an idea that it had something to do with the way he watched her protectively and stared down the older cadets when they made a move toward her. I tried to push away a stab of annoyance before it could become something more.

No one could make Yesenia do anything she didn't want to, not even Captain Levi. If she had been in his bed, then it was because she wanted to be there, even if she hadn't realized it yet. Yesenia had been with so many without so much as a backward glance, the fact that Captain Levi was the one to make her turn back still baffled me. I took another long swig of the liquor, trying to drown out my racing thoughts and the persistent stab of anger, pain, and irritation.

"I think that's enough small talk, don't you? You really should go save those new recruits of yours. They won't be the same after she's done with them."

Captain Levi stared at me a moment longer before letting out a low grumble and stalking toward where Yesenia was tracing lines up and down a very red Jean. I took a bottle and headed toward the door, but paused for a moment to see how Captain Levi would handle a drunk Yesenia.

He approached her with a scowl and grabbed her wrist, bringing her hand back to a safe zone before she sent Jean running too. "Can you stop groping my recruits?"

Yesenia pouted, "Aww, c'mon Captain. Can't I have a little bit of fun?"

"No."

"Hmph. You're just jealous," she whined and then her eyes started to glitter mischievously. She sidled up to him, covering a stumble on her way over, "Hey Captain, why don't we. . . ?"

A muscle in his jaw jumped and he blinked his eyes closed, releasing a long, steadying breath as she leaned heavily against him and whispered conspiratorially to him. I regarded him with curiosity, the corner of my mouth twitching up as I tried to decode his movements. Was he angry with her for stealing the liquor or just plain annoyed at her adolescent behavior? Or perhaps there was another reason for the dark look in his eyes.

"Enough. You're spending the night in the dungeons. Maybe that'll sober you up," Captain Levi growled as he scooped her up in his arms and started towards the door.

"Whoo-hoo! Captain's getting _kinky_! Pull out the chains and whips, we're going to the _dungeons_!" Yesenia sang, throwing an arm around his neck and swinging the bottle behind his back.

"Stop."

Her words faded as they got further down the hall and I smiled after them. If only Ellie could have seen the two of them. She would have gotten a real kick out of them. I noticed after a beat that my smile had become stiff and let it fall away rather than wear a fake, shadow of a smile. I tapped a finger against the bottle in my hand and took a moment longer to look after them before shoving away the mix of emotions that were burning hot in my gut and resolving to be the first person to find them in the morning. I yanked my hair out of its usual tight bun and walked out of the mess hall to find my favorite seat among the towering trees.


	21. Being With You is Dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi tries very hard to be a responsible adult. He's not very good at it.

**LEVI'S POV**

I tried to block out Burrell's stream of suggestions that were getting increasingly more colorful as I made my way down the stairs. _She is flat out drunk_ , I reasoned as I forced my grip on her legs and waist to relax after another tempting murmur, _I will not be accused of unwanted advances on a subordinate._

Even if everyone was well aware of Burrell's hobbies, if someone were to come down at some point and happen upon us we would both be discharged. It was against the code of conduct for a superior to show any sort of favoritism towards a subordinate. I had known that when I had decided the best place for her would be in my quarters. With most of the squad on a mission, I hadn't deemed it as a threat. With Erwin back, the idea of having Burrell anywhere further than where I could see her made me uneasy, but after my actions during the expedition, he would be looking for any sort of leverage to force me to comply.

I knew the safest place for her would be far away from me, but I couldn't leave her to some other man. I would just have to sit here tonight and keep an eye on Burrell. I would have to ignore the way she moved against me and pressed her lips against my skin. I let out a terse breath as she lavished my neck with another kiss. The damn brat was making this difficult.

"Why so quiet, Captain?" Burrell murmured against my neck hotly before accentuating it with a playful nip to my ear lobe.

She giggled as I tensed and jerked away to frown at her. She was well aware of how much I hated her touching my ears, she'd just wanted my attention. Now that Burrell had it, she nibbled on the edge of her bottom lip and gave me a grin as she trailed her nails along my scalp. The cheeky brat.

I kicked open the door to the cell furthest from the stairs and dumped her on the cot inside before turning on my heel and leaving. I locked the door as she sat blinking at me on the cot.

She was on her feet a moment after, scowling at me through the bars and waving the half empty bottle of liquor in my direction,"Not exactly what I had in mind, Captain."

I sat heavily in a wooden chair outside the cell, leaning on the rear legs until the back hit the wall. I pulled out a knife and began twirling it on my thumb. When her complaints became more insistent I closed my eyes, focusing on the balance and worn wood of the hilt as it rotated, clicking every so often against my nail.

"You owe me a bottle of cognac." I wasn't sure exactly why I said it, but Burrell immediately quieted down when I did.

She considered it for a moment before firing off hotly, "Oh is that what it was? Okay, fine I'll get you another bottle of your fancy schmancy liquor. Mister fancy pants with your fancy liquor and your weird cravet-crevit-scarf thing!"

I sighed and sent the knife spinning again, careful to keep my eyes closed. My self control was hanging by a thread and I wasn't going to give her a chance to break it. "It's a cravat."

"It's a bib!"

I stiffened and was clenching my teeth with such force that my teeth squeaked and a muscle along my jaw jumped, but I still kept my eyes closed. I let out a long breath before I sent the knife spinning again.

After a moment of silence there was the sound of Burrell shuffling around before she settled on the cot and tried again, "Hey, Captain?"

"What is it now, Burrell?"

". . .Do I really havta stay here all night?" Her words were slurred and quiet, like the murmur of a child sent to bed without dinner. Without even opening my eyes I could see her folded up on the cot, the downward tilt of her chin pulling her hair forward into her eyes.

I sighed, "If I let you out you'll just go after the next thing with a penis."

"But . . . I don wanna be alone, I remember things. And bein with you is. . . dangerous."

My knife fell to the ground with a clatter. I stared at her for a moment as what she'd said repeated in my mind. Was she afraid of me? I sat forward and when that wasn't even enough, I stood and stepped toward her. Burrell looked away, like she finally realized she didn't want my undivided attention, and picked at the frayed rubber at the bottom of a boot.

"What?"

She glanced up uncertainly before ducking and cocking her head as she pulled her hair over her shoulder, running her fingers through the haphazard mess of curls, "Sometimes you look at me like Jerome. It's dangerous."

The air stilled around her whisper. _What the hell does that mean? I look at her like her dead husband? What the hell?_

Burrell's face contorted after a beat and she turned away with a grimace. I looked at my knife where it laid discarded on the ground and I told myself I would pick it up, sit back down, and wait for her to fall asleep. Instead, I picked it up and found myself locking the cell door behind me.

She spun on me, her eyes darting around like a cornered animal before her face settled into a shaky smirk.

"Do you piss everyone off this much or is it just men?" I asked before Burrell shot off some comment to get a rise out of me.

Her face fell, her eyebrows pulling together in frustration and a blush rushing up along her neck to color her cheeks as she sputtered, "I-I don't mean that!"

_Then what do you mean?_

Something told me that neither of us were ready for the answer to that question. I took the bottle from where she'd put it on the bed and chased down my question with a few gulps. I didn't wince as it burned through me but ran my tongue along the inside of my teeth to test the residual silken heat of it in my mouth.

". . . Yeah. You're probably right, brat." I murmured as I settled on the cot beside her, leaning my head back against the stone wall.

Leaving the comment about her dead husband aside, being with me was definitely dangerous. With our wounds just a few day short of being completely healed and the alcohol tinting the air around us, there was no doubt that something was going to happen. With nothing but the moon and stars to accompany us, we were going to be doing something dangerous.

Knowing all of that, I still couldn't make myself leave. I didn't have it in me to even want to leave her. Not like this, not when she looked like she was just one thread short of unraveling. It had taken more self control than I was comfortable admitting to not pull her tight against my chest when she had seen the mere handful of soldiers file in past the gate. Her skin had paled and suddenly all of her bravado, all of her swagger and smirks and armor had been ripped away to reveal that she was just as broken as any of the rest of us.

The debriefing had done nothing to alleviate her crestfallen state, if anything it had worsened it. Despite that, I didn't regret keeping what I knew from her. Eyebrows had opted to keep so much information from them. Seeing how what little he had revealed had pushed her so far, I'm not sure how she would have reacted if she had known what was actually going on.

She had tried so hard to get the information out of me, too. My lips quirked slightly at the thought of her trying to seduce it out of me. The cheeky brat. She was always playing with the boundaries, testing just how far she could push me before I pushed back.

After I took another long swig from the bottle, I turned my head to find Burrell watching me, her full lips parted and skin flushed. She slowly reached over and took the bottle from me, watching me for a moment before she tipped it back and dank with an intensity that made me thirsty. Her tongue darted out to sweep along her bottom lip, leaving the soft pink skin wet and shining. I swallowed hard, my mind swept clean by her movements. She worried her lip between teeth for a moment and my breath stuttered. The ghost of the thought of self control was the only thing that kept me from capturing her gently worn lip between my teeth.

Burrell handed me the bottle, panting slightly, and gave me a shallow smile, "Guess it's a thing I gotta good for danger."

I held onto the bottle dumbly for a moment before trying to shake off the alcohol induced rose tint to the air. I waited for her to correct herself, but she didn't. My hair fell haphazardly across my forehead, tickling my eyelashes, but I didn't bother to brush it back. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a series of guzzling mouthfuls from the bottle, recognizing too late that the contents were not meant to be chugged. I winced, coughing slightly as my head spun and the cell began to mimic the action. I blinked the tears from my eyes and held out a hand to keep Burrell at bay when she rocked toward me, though I couldn't remember why I was trying to keep her back.

Once the spinning had subsided I opened my eyes to find the vixen thumbing the rolled cuff of my sleeve. When I frowned at her she merely smiled in return and pressed a kiss against my tense jaw. My arm bobbed in the air between us for a moment before falling to my side. With the barrier gone, Burrell rose up on her knees and leaned forward, brushing her lips against mine. My muscles ached with the strain required to keep myself from pushing my fingers into her skin and pulling her against me. I closed my eyes and let out a shaking breath, overly aware of her moving to put her knees against the outside of my hips to settle in my lap.

When I opened my eyes again I couldn't remember if the room had become hazy because of her or the liquor. Burrell leaned forward again but this time I put my hands against her arms and shook my head slightly. I couldn't remember why I had decided to exercise restraint, perhaps I wanted to test exactly how much I could take before I started ripping her clothes from her. If that was the reason, then she and I were both fools. My self control was sorely lacking. If she pushed a little harder, if she purred one more time, I would push her into the thin mattress without a second thought.

She didn't push back, though. She stopped without me having to actually force her back and I deflated slightly at her lack of persistence, my head dropping.

_Greedy bastard_ , I thought disdainfully.

Her shoulders slumped and I tilted my head, glancing up from the tangle of limbs on my lap. Burrell shifted and I hissed slightly as her thighs tightened around my hips, pushing the juncture of her legs flush against my stomach. I tried not to think about how different the situation would be if we didn't have clothing separating us.

I failed.

Burrell looked up at me through her eyelashes, her green eyes bright with desperation and desire, like she needed this more that air-like she needed me.

"Please?" She whispered.

I kissed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello my lovelies! Sorry I haven't put anything up in a long time, I've had a lot of trouble with this part. I've rewritten it at least three times now and I like this version the best (think it goes fits the best with the characters) but I feel like it still needs a lot of work and I just keep going around and around in circles. In the end, I decided I was happy enough with this and would just move on. So, I hope you enjoyed it!


	22. Make New Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia is basically a horny preteen.

**LEVI'S POV**

She rose up under my touch, moving with a fierce hunger and need. I winced slightly as her haste knocked my head against the stone behind me. She breathed out a slurred apology that I swallowed down in another greedy kiss. I was the match and she was the flame; now that we were moving together, all that was left was heat and need.

She pulled away for a moment to grapple with her shirt and my hands immediately went to the newly exposed skin along her hips and waist.

It amazed me how women always had this certain amount of softness to them. Even in the military, where they tried so hard to push away their softness until there was nothing but smooth muscle and hard lines; even here, they still had that innate, supple, gentleness.

I stroked her stomach with a thumb and leaned forward to place a lingering kiss along the top of her bound breasts eliciting a subdued moan from Burrell. Her moan dissolved into a frustrated grunt as she struggled with her shirt that was keeping her hands captured where she had placed them behind my head. I chuckled as she growled out a stream of curses, trying to free herself from the fabric that was clinging to her wrists.

Today was the first time since the expedition that she had donned her uniform with all of its clinging fabric. I had been wanting to tear it off of her since I had walked into my room to find her sitting on my bed, pulling on her boots over her too tight pants. Sitting there with her scarlet curls pulled over her shoulder and the rising sun highlighting all of her smooth curves. . . It had taken me a beat longer than it should have to tear my gaze away and walk to my desk. Then she had smirked and straightened to give me a sultry wink, and the fire of annoyance and desire had made me consider pushing her back into the still mussed sheets. If only to wipe away the condescending twist on her lips.

I eagerly helped her out of her shirt, but then paused. She let out a muffled keen and tried to push closer. I swallowed hard and tightened my grip on her hips slightly. When I didn't relieve the pressure Burrell put her head on my shoulder, her panting breath washing over my neck.

"Good girl," I teased, my voice slightly strained. I cleared my throat.

She twitched into my touch as I trailed my left hand along her waist, up to where I knew the bruises would still cover her torso. I pushed slightly into her skin until I found the curve of a rib and followed it from her side to her back. Burrell shivered slightly but showed no sign of discomfort.

"'M fine," she whined against my neck before mumbling something else into my skin. I leaned closer to try to decipher her garbled words. Burrell didn't repeat herself but rolled her hips forward to push more firmly against my stomach instead. My grip tightened unintentionally and she gasped softly, her hand pulling against my hair, making my scalp burn.

"You aren't fine." I went to push her away but froze as she began licking her way up my neck, pulling my head back for better access.

"Be gentler, then," she murmured before leaving a lingering, biting kiss.

_Something isn't right_ , whispered to me from the back of my mind. I tried to hold onto the whisper of sobriety as she pushed my shirt off of my shoulders and began exploring my chest with her wicked tongue. _Something isn't right_. What was it? There was something off about her movements. Something more than what could be explained by the alcohol, something that gave me pause. Then she stopped and looked up at me to whimper and I understood.

I pushed her away from the open waistband of my pants that she had been tugging against. "Stop."

This wasn't Burrell. There was no fire in her eyes. Her usual snarky murmurs and domineering grin were gone. All that was left was a bleary-eyed, drunk woman who was _whimpering_ to get me to comply. She wasn't in her right mind.

Kramer's words came back to me in a rush. _She won't want to be alone tonight_. My stomach roiled as I remembered why I had decided to exercise restraint. Burrell didn't want me, she just didn't want to be alone. If we went through with this, Burrell would wake up in the morning, look at me and grimace. She would edge away from me with skirting comments and a contained look of disgust. I wouldn't be the object of her regret when she awoke.

Burrell pouted and began to lower her head to where her hands rested on my hips. I stood before she could convince me to listen to the liquor. She floundered for a moment before I had a secure arm under her knees and across her back. I held her against me, ignoring her grumbling whimpers as I pulled the wool blanket and sheet roughly off of the bed. I laid Burrell back on the bed, grimacing slightly as she bounced and winced from the force of her short fall. I pushed her toward the wall and laid down beside her, pulling the covers over her head.

I pulled her close and buried my face in the crook of her neck, growling, "we are going to sleep."

"But, Levi-" My eyes snapped open as she whined my name against my neck and my pulse jumped. Burrell stilled slightly before snaking a hand up to push through my hair, "Your heart. . .I can feel it. Me calling you Levi. . .you like it?"

I couldn't begin to tell her what hearing her call my name did to me; with her being so close I didn't really need to. I let out a shaking breath that I found myself choking on as Burrell stretched up to whisper my name into my ear. I groaned against her skin. I wanted to feel her body moving against mine-to hear her moan my name-but I wouldn't. I wouldn't be the man she had sex with just because she had no one else. I would never take that choice away from her.

"My mother was a whore," I gasped out as she dipped chilled fingers past the top of my pants and left another mark on my chest. She froze and, though she didn't move her hands, her chin tilted up. I pushed her closer to my chest and squeezed my eyes closed, horsely whispering against the top of her head, "Don't make me like the men she serviced every night."

The smell of alcohol was everywhere. I could taste it in the air. I tried to push it away, to hold on to the shred of sobriety that had crashed over me. I nuzzled into her hair, trying to combat the tang of alcohol. Underneath the stench, I found her sweet scent that was slowly becoming familiar to me. I had been trying to name the smell since the first night she had let herself into my room, but it wasn't until now that I was able to identify it.

She smelt like honey, soft and warm and sweet. I took another long breath, counting the beats of my heart as I released it. There was something different about the way Burrell smelt tonight than when I had first become acquainted with the aroma. I pulled her closer, pushing my nose against the crook of her neck. Under the alcohol and her honey-sweet fragrance there was another scent that caught me off guard and threw another spike in my pulse. She smelt like my sheets after I'd left the window open and the sun had warmed them. She smelt like my soap, smelt like the polish I used to clean my boots. Burrell smelt like me.

"Okay," She murmured against my skin as she taped a finger over my raging heart, "Got it. Might better work if you dun hold me so close. Better. _It might work better_. By the skies! If I could talk." She moved to sit up and after a moment, I let her. She squinted around the cell before leaning towards me and grumbling, "I gotta puke anyway."

I snorted and threw an arm over my eyes as Burrell clambered over me, trying to block out the image of her flushed, bare skin. Thinking about anything other than the way she practically glowed in the moonlight, highlighting the marks adorning her skin.

I listened to her stumble toward a bucket in the corner and grimaced as she heaved into it, the vomit making a cold, hollow sound against the metal. After a moment I stood and followed her over to pull her hair back as she heaved again. When she was done emptying her stomach, she spit into the pail and wiped the back of her hand across her lips.

"Can't even keep your own hair out of your puke, you really are a brat," I muttered as she looked up at me. She hadn't gotten any vomit in her hair.

I was expecting a heated retort or a crude gesture in return, instead she reached up with her clean hand and tapped the back of mine where it was still holding her hair against her nape, "Yeah, thanks Captain."

Crouched like that with her wide, unguarded smile, she suddenly looked young enough to fit in with the new recruits.

"Levi."

She frowned and tilted her head, "Yesenia? Nice to meetcha?"

I shook my head and let her hair fall back around her shoulders as I crouched to look into her bleary green eyes, "Levi. Call me Levi."

Burrell's chin dropped as she frowned again and muttered a snide, "say please," before she stood shakily to scowl at me as she walked toward the bottle of liquor. I made a move to stop her, but she waved me away, "Don' worry, I just wanna get this taste outta my mouth. Make up your damn mind, what m' I supposed to call you? You get all pissy 'cause I call you Levi one day n' the next you want me to call you it!" Burrell took a swig of the liquor and I opened my mouth to answer her but she rushed over my words, "just what d'you want, huh? I can never tell. Can you just tell me?"

I glowered at her and walked forward to take the bottle from her hand and place it back on the ground by our boots, "If you'd stop mumbling like a drunken old man, I'd tell you."

"Oh." Burrell piped, wandering back to sit on the bed. I watched her for a moment until she made a gesture indicating that I should continue.

I sighed and came to sit next to her on the cot enjoying the feel of her bare shoulder against mine, "Don't call me Levi when there are other people, but when it's like this. . ." I gestured to us and the empty cell, letting my words trail off.

"It's okay?" she finished for me, leaning forward to look me in the eyes. When I nodded she grinned again and crowed, "Then you gotta call me Yesenia. It's only fair." I snorted and Burrell pouted, poking me in the ribs and falling forward into my lap when I pulled away from her, "What're you laughin' at? It's fair in'it?"

"You sound like a brat, too."

She placed a hand on my hip and rose up to poke me in the chest and reply, "You were pretty turned on by this brat justa few minutes ago."

I smiled. There she was. Burrell was slowly beginning to act like herself- with some added flairs. I caught her hand against my chest and leaned forward, not realizing what I was doing until her eyelids fluttered closed. I ground my teeth and pulled away, letting out a terse breath. "That was before you threw up in your hair."

She scowled and pulled her hair over her shoulder, moving to sit beside me again, "I didn't throw up in my hair," Burrell grumbled as she searched her curls. After a moment she sighed and let her hair fall around her as she let out a hollow declaration. "I have rules y'know. Four of 'em. Tonight you broke all of my rules." I turned to appraise her and she nodded solemnly, "Yeah. All of them. I'll have to make new ones."

I looked at her and waited for her to continue. I could see there was more for her to say and after a prolonged beat she sighed and began to count on her fingers, "One: never let it be more'n one night. Two: dun let it get personal. Three: leave 'em wanting more." She paused, scrunching up her face in thought as she counted her fingers again. "Well, I guess that's only three rules. Still broke. Either way, you've broken all of 'em."

It came like a punch in the gut, hard and fast and it left me just as breathless. She had _rules_? Was having sex with random men so much of a regular thing for her that she had made rules? I thought back them. I had broken the first two, I couldn't disagree with that, but the last was still in tact. I opened my mouth to argue with her, but a monstrous yawn cut me off.

"I've never had anyone break all my rules before," Yesenia mumbled through her yawn, "I dunno what to do now." She laid down with her shoulder against the stone and pulled on my arm, holding the covers open to me.

I swallowed, still considering correcting her. Would she leave in the morning? If she thought I had broken all of her rules, would I wake up to find her gone? When would the dangers she had mentioned become too great for her to stay? After a moment of hesitation, I laid down beside her.

Burrell snaked a leg around one of mine and pulled me closer with a pleased little sigh. I let out a surprised chuckle before putting an arm around her waist and pulling her close in return. She placed her hand over the top of my heart and nuzzled into my chest. I closed my eyes and held her tight as I breathed in the smell of her again, the smell of us. Whatever the morning brought, I would deal with it then. Right now, I would let her feel safe and fight the darkness for her.

"We make new ones," I murmured. Burrell hummed against my skin and raised an eyebrow but her eyes remained closed. "Here's one, if you're getting drunk, come find me."

She tittered a quiet laugh before sighing, "M'kay. I guess I could at least give it a trial run. G'night, Levi."

My pulse skittered at the tender tone she had wrapped my name in. I pulled the covers up to her shoulder before curling down to whisper into her hair, "Good night, Yesenia."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hey lovelies! If you have anything to let me know, whether it be about the story or if I messed up on grammar or something then please leave me a comment/PM! 
> 
> P.S. For those of you who are wanting to toot the 'this isn't how that works' horn. I do realize this isn't completely realistic. It's a fanfic, I'm allowed to use my creative license. Just roll with it! (But thanks for reading, I still love you!)


	23. What Happened Last Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia and Levi receive a rather rude awakening.

**YESENIA'S POV**

"Wake up!"

Rowen's insistent hiss jolted me awake. A moment later my head was throbbing and my whole body aching. I groaned and scooted closer to my pillow, nuzzling into its warmth and soft autumn musk.

"Oh, for the love of-wake up, Yesenia!"

There was a low growl as the thing I was attached to caught something and hurled it back in the direction of Rowen's voice. From the solid clop, I was guessing it was a boot. _No, no, no, no,_ the chorus of denial started up as I hesitantly tried to think far enough past the pounding to accurately be able to identify the person I was snuggled up against. I breathed in the soft scent of autumn again and cringed but still ran a hand down their bare chest, just to verify.

"I don't think that's why she wants us to wake up," Levi's voice rumbled through me.

My eyes snapped open. I was curled beside Levi, nestled between his side and the rough brick wall. My knees were pulled against my stomach, my arms folded in front of me on top of his chest. Warm rays of sunlight fell through the small window behind Rowen, cutting through the shadows of the cell and illuminating dust motes in their lazy, drifting paths. Despite the slices of sunlight, my breath still created small puffs of fog in front of me. The cots in the cells weren't usually equipped with much bedding, but what little blankets had been on the bed were securely pulled up to my chin and wrapped around my frame. Two sets of boots had been carefully set up toward the foot of the bed but our shirts had been left to sit haphazardly on the dusty floor.

"I was starting to think you'd never wake up," Rowen huffed and and I squeezed my eyes shut, curling in tighter to hide from her disgruntled tone. Without a doubt, she was thinking about how irresponsible I was- it seemed to be one of her favorite topics of thought.

My breath caught in shock when Levi's arms encircled me, pulling me tighter against his chest as he growled to Rowen, "What is it, Kramer?"

"Pardon me. . . Captain," her tone held an edge that Levi chose to ignore but I could feel his grip on my shoulders tighten with fury, "Commander Erwin is looking for you."

"What does he want?" Levi replied testily.

"I didn't stop to ask." Rowen was quiet for a moment, contemplating, before she added, "I'll buy you a few minutes before I bring him down."

Her boots slid along the ground before clicking together smartly and clopping down the hall and back up the stairs. I sighed and hesitantly peeked up to find Levi with his head back against the flat pillow from the cot, his face weary. He released his hold on me to swipe a hand over his face and through his hair, his fingers catching in a few tangles. He breathed in steadily and released his breath slowly, working his jaw.

"That was. . ." I began, clearing my throat to try and gain some semblance of my voice before finishing lamely, "one hell of a wake up call."

When he didn't reply I stiffly sat up, wincing as the throbbing behind my eyes became even more intense. I stumbled over him, flailing as I narrowly avoided taking a nose dive off the cot. I grumbled as I wandered about the cell, collecting my shirt.

Rowen had known where to find us. Had we disappeared together in a heated mess of limbs and panting breaths? I frowned. No, Rowen had found me drinking last night, she wouldn't have let me get into that much trouble. When had Levi even shown up? I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose as I tried to think past the haze. It was no use, I couldn't remember anything past sending a few of the new recruits running.

I sighed as I pulled my top over my head. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had that much to drink. Rowen, Ellie and I had our nights that we would visit the taverns and blow off some steam but we never got to this point. I glared down at a boot before tugging it on forcefully. If Levi had just told me everything before the debriefing I wouldn't have been so caught off guard. I would have been able to cheer the kids up without making a total fool of myself. I thought of my rules forlornly. I'd have to make new ones.

I turned to regard Levi with a huff. He still hadn't moved, he just laid there with one arm over his eyes and the other cast out beside him, his hand tucked under the edge of the pillow. I frowned and crossed my arms, jutting out a hip.

"Captain?" I asked flatly, "Rowen can only stall them for so long."

He sat up slowly and shook out his hair like a dog, squinting through his hangover. Despite my annoyance there was a tight warmth that bloomed in my chest seeing him like that. He shivered slightly as he tossed away the wool blanket we had been curled up in and yawned as he looked around the cell. I leaned against the wall as my eyes chased the goosebumps that were rising up on his skin. Like me, Levi didn't have a shirt on and he carried a few kiss marks, but he still had his pants on. I chewed on the corner of my lip as I tried to remember anything from last night. I was once again met by the intense pounding haze. I groaned and fiercely rubbed my eyes.

Gentle hands captured my wrists and pulled them away from my face. I stared at Levi, eyebrows raised. He frowned at me, "Stop it, brat, you're only going to make it worse. I'll get you some coffee once I'm done dealing with Erwin."

I pinned my gaze on his and opened my captured fists slowly, "what's going on? Why are you acting like I'm your lover or some shit? Why were we _snuggling_ for fuck's sake? And by the stars, why did we still have clothes on? _What happened last night_?"

Levi's mouth twitched as he let one of my hands go and twisted the other, placing his lips against the inside of my wrist. I flinched as he nipped at my skin and then froze, torn between the ideas of pulling away from him and not reacting to his ploy. After a prolonged beat I pulled away, scowling at him.

He smiled at me as he replied coyly, "Don't worry, Yesenia, you still have one of your rules to fall back on."

My jaw dropped and I jumped back like I'd been slapped. His face fell, his brows pulled together in confusion. We both startled as the door to the dungeons slammed open. I cast about wildly, trying to gather my bearings. I needed to look like I'd just spent a night locked up, I needed to look disgruntled, annoyed, furious, and altogether unhappily sober. I didn't need to look like the rug had just been pulled out from under me. I tried to settle my face into a scowl but the cell was still spinning around me. My breathing was clipped short and my hands shook as I reclaimed the bottle of liquor, tossing it on the bed before finding my own place among the mussed sheets.

My rules. _How does he know about my rules?_ No one knew about my rules. Not even Rowen or Ellie. They were what kept me safe, what kept me sane when I'd start thinking that maybe I could forgive myself and actually have something with a person. They were what reminded me. They were a secret that kept me warm and safe when I was craving the closeness of another person. Now they were gone and I couldn't stop shaking.

After a moment and a considering glance toward the stairs, Levi tugged on his shirt with a terse, frustrated rumble and slipped out of the cell. The cadence of overlapping voices covered the quiet click of the door as he pulled it closed. The captain reached up a hand to extinguish the torch before turning to plop down in the chair across from the cell.

He'd only just finished arranging his cravat and pushing a hand through his hair when Commander Erwin's voice boomed from down the hall, "Levi, why were you not at your post?"

My blood chilled. _Shit. Was he on duty last night? We're fucked, we're so fucked. Not only are we violating the regulations, he also was on duty? I might as well turn in my blades now._

"I had the night off. Hanji took over my shift," Levi replied cooly, thumbing the cuff of his shirt as he looked up at Commander Erwin through half lidded eyes, his expression bored.

I settled my gaze on his relaxed, defiant form, my shock blatantly apparent. Did he seriously think we could get out of this? Silver eyes flicked over to me as the commander fired another question at him, tightening for just a moment as they took in my slack jaw. Anger flooded my veins at the expression and I scowled at him.

The bastard was the reason we were in this stupid mess! If he had just let me go have one of my usual nights of drunken escapades neither of us would have to worry about being discharged. What right did he have to glower at me?

 _At least he's trying to cover it up_ , the rational side of me spoke up, _you're just sitting here like an idiot. Why not try to be useful?_

I gritted my teeth. I blamed Rowen for the rational outburst. Her cold logic had to be rubbing off on me. _Alright, Yesenia, time to put on a show._

"Heaven forbid the squad have a little fun now and then!" I grumbled. Their conversation halted around my words. I shot glares at Levi and Rowen, "Oh, don't stop on my account! Please continue, I'll just sit here and rot for the next century."

"Levi?" Commander Erwin asked with mild curiosity, obviously fishing for an explanation.

Levi obliged. "Yesenia Burrell. She's part of my new squad. She stole liquor from the store rooms and passed it around to the brats last night. When I got there everyone was filthy drunk, but she was the worst. I brought the cadet down here to keep an eye on her and make sure she wouldn't cause any more trouble for the night."

"It's not like I wasn't going to put it back!" I cut in hotly, snatching the bottle off the cot for added emphasis, "I just wanted a little something to take the edge off."

"So you let her keep a bottle? That seems a little counterintuitive," Commander Erwin said around my outburst with a soft smile. "She seems sober enough, perhaps you could release her and return to your duties?"

"Does something demand my immediate attention, Erwin?" Levi asked his brow furrowed.

"We should talk in my office," Commander Erwin said after a pause, "For now, why don't you unlock the door."

Levi flicked a glance around the commander and I raised my eyebrows gesturing towards the locked door. A slow sigh escaped past lips pulled down into a disapproving frown. I lowered my chin and resisted the urge to growl at my captain. I was getting tired of his constant disapproval. I cast a last glance at the remaining liquor before finishing it off.

I languidly rose to my feet as Levi pulled open the door, a scowl firmly set on his face. As I passed, I smiled wryly at him and shoved the empty bottle into his chest.

"See there? I told you I would return it."

The taste of blood and an intense ringing in my ears were all I was aware of. It took me a full beat to process what had happened before I could look up at Levi. After another beat I was able to recognize his fisted hand, still raised from striking me. I swiped my tongue between my teeth, wincing when it pressed against the cut along the inside of my cheek. I spit out some of the blood that was pooling in my mouth before slowly glancing up towards Levi.

" _You will watch your tongue_." Levi seethed, eyes burning and hair falling forward to brush his eyelashes.

I looked away as I gingerly pressed against my broken lip and swallowed down a mouthful of blood. He was furious, shaking with barely suppressed rage. I shivered despite myself. I'd never seen the man so irate.

"I think that's enough, Levi," Commander Erwin said, placing his hand on Levi's shoulder, his eyebrows raised in concern, "For now, we need to go speak in my office."

After a pause the commander nodded to Rowen and cast one last glance at me before heading back towards the stairs. Levi growled under his breath and tore his jacket away from where it rested on the back of the chair before turning on his heel and following him out, his boots snapping sharply against the stone until the door slammed behind them both.

I gently pressed my split lip once more before glaring down the hall after them.

"Bastard," I muttered before slowly trying to stand, wincing as my head exploded in a new round of dizzying throbbing. I groaned, "I feel like a bunch of kids are playing ball with my brain."

"You _imbecile_!" Rowen hissed as she helped me up before thumping my forehead.

I stared at her in shock for a moment. "Um, ow!"

"You moronic cretin!" Rowen continued, lower this time with an extra thump that made me shrink away from her with a scowl, "What were you thinking!?"

"I just got punched in the face and you're mad at _me_? This is the part where we plot his slow and painful death." I shot back, wincing as my outburst made my head throb even more intensely.

"You can't be serious. The only reason you aren't both being sent home with a 'dishonorably discharged' label is because of Captain's quick thinking. Even with that, I'm not sure you'll be able to get out of this."

I shook my head slightly, "Rowen, you aren't making any sense."

Rowen frowned at me, "No, you're just not thinking! Take a moment to consider our captain. What does he care about? What can someone like the commander use to force him to comply?"

I scoffed, shrugging her off, "He has plenty of other leverage to use against Levi _if_ he needed it. But the commander doesn't need it, Levi is his right hand man."

"His right hand man who got out of his evening duties to be with his subordinate. His right hand man who wasn't out on the latest mission because he was taking care of his subordinate."

"No, you can't blame that one on me," I cut back in, my heart racing with the implications of what she was saying, dread settling in the pit of my stomach with each word, "Levi was here because he was hurt during the expedition and was watching over someone with intel."

"What does that matter?" Rowen asked with a stillness that had me readying myself for the coming attack, "The point is our captain has shown a certain affinity for you that has led him to make rash decisions-decisions that usually go against the commander's orders. Right now, Erwin can't allow him the freedom to just do as he likes. Erwin needs a good little soldier that is going to follow orders and the best way to do that is to have some sort of leverage."

"But," I was whispering now, unable to keep the quiver out of my voice, "If that's true then why would he have discharged me in the first place?"

Rowen turned away and rubbed her jaw with a thumb as she spoke, her brows furrowed with concentration, "Before he punched you, you could have been just a physical release for Captain Levi. A distraction and inconvenience, something the captain would have been willing to toss away, which isn't useful for Erwin, so he would have just had you discharged or killed. But now, the captain has shown that he has an emotional connection to you. I'm sure he wasn't thinking about it when he threw the punch, he was probably just trying to keep you alive, but in trying to show that he didn't care for you he actually proved the opposite."

I was quiet as I tried to work through her reasoning, trying to find something unsound in it that I could use to disprove her theory. After a few moment of trying to think through the fog I growled tersely and snapped, "Your theory rests on the commander trying to use me against Levi. Commander Erwin isn't someone who would force his subordinates to comply-he doesn't need to! He's a good commander, he takes care of his subordinates, he doesn't blackmail and cheat his way through things. That would make him no better than those unicorn bastards!"

Rowen stepped forward, grabbing my shoulders and giving me a little shake, "Wake _up_ , Yesenia! Of course that's what he's like! You aren't going to find a single person in the world with his kind of power that isn't like that. They kill, they cheat, they blackmail, they do whatever they can to get more power and get what they want. Whatever the cost, as long as they don't have to risk their own damn neck, they'll do it! That's the price of power, it turns you into a monster."

A quiet horror settled around me before I shoved it all away and started walking towards the stairs, "Don't you ever listen to yourself? You sound like some revenge tale people spin to make you behave. The commander isn't like that. Did you see his face after Levi punched me? He looked more concerned than both you and Levi."

"You didn't see his face when he was walking out of here," Rowen called after me.

"What, did he look as pissed as I did?" I tossed over my shoulder flippantly.

"He was grinning."


	24. Were my orders not clear enough for you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids get ready to relocate and Hanji has some choice words for Yesenia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys! I apologize and thank you in advance for dealing with all my messy patchwork to fix the mistakes I made in previous chapters because I was just too lazy to go back and read the manga again. I think I've got it all fixed up now. 
> 
> Also, SPOILER ALERT! I am going to be pulling bits from the manga after the clash of the titans arch (the one they covered in season 2) so if you aren't familiar with what's going on in the manga, read at your own risk! I won't be going scene-by-scene through what happens in the manga because I think that's boring, but I will have bits of spoilers strewn throughout my story. You have been warned.

Rowen slid a cup of coffee across the table, the harsh rumble of the mug against the table making me wince. Despite that, I gingerly lifted it off the table with a muttered thanks and took a slow sip. My eyelids slid shut as I took in the smooth bitterness of the coffee laced with just a hint of milk and the warm aftertaste of alcohol. I groaned as I sunk lower on the bench and smiled taking another, longer sip.

"You finally figured out how to make a good cup of coffee. I'm proud of you-honestly, I am," I muttered into my cup, glancing at Rowen before I took another sip of the decadent mixture.

Rowen shook her head, "Not me. I'll give you another guess, though."

I followed the slight shrug of her shoulder to the table that had been designated for coffee. My breath faltered as my eyes fell upon Levi. His hand moved the spoon in languid swirls, stirring the mug in front of him. Erwin looked on, the commander's mouth a tense line. Levi ignored it, lifting his mug to his lips before frowning and reaching for the hot water again. His fingers then curled around the honey, only for Levi to scowl before dropping a cube of sugar into the mug instead. Satisfied, he turned to follow the commander up a flight of stairs to the right.

I scowled into my cup and considered pouring it out, just to spite him, but it was too good for that. I grumbled into the scarred mug as I swallowed down another mouthful.

"He also said you needed to bathe." My jaw dropped as I looked up at Rowen who was watching me with her chin in her hands. She raised an eyebrow. "What? You do."

"What right-Why do I-The little," I searched for the words in a huff before settling on, "I just bathed yesterday!"

Rowen hummed in acknowledgement before replying, "Before you got so drunk you couldn't walk straight. You stink of booze. And a certain captain."

Heat rushed up my neck to fill my cheeks as I tried to not pull my shirt away from my chest and take a sniff. Rowen watched my struggle with sharp eyes, the corners get of her lips turned down in a scowl. Her frown further soured my mood, pushing away the thought of my need to bathe.

"What?" I snapped, placing my mug on the table sharply and leaning forward.

Her gaze trailed up my neck before settling on my eyes, she opened her mouth for a moment before closing it once again. Then her brown furrowed and she articulated, "You never blush."

She was right. I hadn't blushed since I was a child being courted, holding the hand of a boy with tousled curls and a wide smile. It was all wrong, the uneasiness making my stomach a roiling mass of confusion, the heat in my cheeks, the want-for what I still wasn't sure. My rules. Everything was wrong and I had no way to fix it. I slumped, snatching my mug off the table with a grumble.

"Screw you."

"You already have that position filled," was her languid reply.

I rolled my eyes, "So, what happened on the mission? Not the sugared story everyone else is being fed. I want to know what really happened. Why we're missing three of the newbies and the commander's arm."

It had been such a shock when they had first arrived with Erwin in tow, his shirt bloody and face white. In the hours that had dragged by before he emerged to give his debriefing, the legion had been in a state of stillness; like we had all been holding our breath, waiting for the final blow. Considering how closely Hanji had been sticking to him, he probably had insisted on addressing us, no matter what condition he was in. Then the kids had turned up missing in the role call. Something was going on, something they were trying to keep from telling the legion. I was done waiting for Levi to divulge the information.

Rowen watched me closely before leaning back and crossing her arms, "No."

I froze, then slowly turned to fully appraise her, "What?"

She raised her chin, "No. I don't think you can handle it."

I slammed my hands against the table, pushing myself up to stand, "You don't get to decide what I can fucking handle!" The outburst and sudden motion made me head explode into varying degrees of pain. My jaw throbbed angrily where Levi had stuck me and my head swam with my hangover, but it did nothing to dampen my fury. The table jostled under my movements and my mug fell on its side, dumping out its contents that flowed through the ridges in the wood before dripping onto the ground.

Rowen and I would do this sometimes, butt heads to see just who was more stubborn and determined to lead our group. Normally, this is where Ellie would step in with a worried glance and convince us to calm down or, if it had gone too far, convince us to sort it out with a 'friendly competition'. With Ellie gone, our group was off, there was no one to pour water on the fire. I wasn't sure where this was going to lead, but I knew I sure as hell wasn't going to give in to her.

Rowen lowered her eyelids but otherwise, didn't move a centimeter. Her knuckles were white against her arms with the force needed to keep her temper in check. Despite the murderous glint in her eyes, her voice carried all the patient grace of a school teacher as she replied, "Someone needs to. The captains don't have enough alcohol for you to go on a drunken tirade every time you are in over your head."

"Don't you dare," I seethed, "Don't you fucking dare, Rowen. If you don't want to tell me, fine, but you don't get to decide for me what I can or can't handle. And you damn sure don't get to act like you're better than me. You may come from some high class family but you chose to roll in the shit with us, you don't get to climb back on your high horse now!"

She smiled.

I faltered, all of my bravado gone in an instant when I saw her lean forward and put her chin in her hands again, her lips pulled back into an easy grin.

"Okay, I'll tell you."

I watched her for another beat before shrinking back to settle on the bench, "What the hell was that?"

Rowen chuckled lightly, reaching over to flick the overturned mug "You haven't been yourself lately. I wanted to be sure Yesenia was still in there."

My anger roared back to life, "You can shove all your damn tests up your ass!"

"I don't want to hear that from someone who tests all of her officers."

"This and that are different! You don't test your friends, you trust them!"

Her eyes flashed, "Like you've been trusting me?"

I bit the inside of my lip and looked away.

Rowen sighed, "Do you want to know, or not?"

* * *

The candle light threw haphazard shapes against the brick. The sun had long since sunk below the treetops and everyone had left from dinner. Luckily, the commander had sent out an order that the troops were to rest and recover for the day. Rowen and I hadn't moved since breakfast that morning. The forgotten cup of coffee still laid on its side, its contents dried into streams of black trickling through the thin bands of worn wood.

"So," I dragged out, trying to focus on the words themselves and not what they meant, "Berthold was the Colossal titan, Reiner was the Armored titan. They are after Eren for some reason. Ymir went with them after there was this big fight between everyone on the wall, because she's a titan shifter, too. Eren can thunder scream titans into attacking people but doesn't know how. Christa is actually this Historia person we didn't know we needed until now. There's this Beast titan that is like a unique variant of aberrant. . . Am I leaving anything out?"

Rowen's mouth quirked up into a dry smile, "No, I think that just about covers everything."

"Great. And what are our plans right now to fight against this shit-storm?" I asked, incredulous.

"Um!" Rowen and I frowned at each other before recognizing that the interruption had come from outside of our conversation.

Christa danced along the edge of the table, her hands clenching and unclenching in the folds of her skirt as her gaze bounced between Rowen and I. I looked her up and down before deciding to ignore the pixie-like girl. I turned back to Rowen with every intention of continuing our day-long conversation but Rowen gave me a disapproving glance before turning back to the blonde.

"What is it Christa?"

Her eyes hardened and her hands released and smoothed down her skirt as she straightened, "I-It's Historia, actually."

I rolled my eyes, "I don't care how you're self-identifying these days, why are you interrupting our conversation?"

Christa shrunk again and leaned forward, her eyes darting about, "You're needed at the stables. Both of you. Something is going on."

Rowen's brow drew low over her eyes and she stood, but didn't make a move to leave, "What's going on, Historia?"

Christa's eyes went wide as a doe's and even her new-found identity did nothing to ease the concern that drowned her reply, "I don't know."

Rowen and I exchanged a look before I leaned forward to blow out the candle at the table. We rushed after the shadowed form of the girl. She moved swifter than I had thought her capable, melting between shadows like she was one herself. _I suppose a life of hiding will do that._ I thought with distaste as she slipped into the stables. After another exchange of glances, Rowen and I followed her.

There was a quiet glow from the door leading to the tack room that would have caught anyone's attention if they were looking for it, but inconspicuous enough to be overlooked as someone cleaning the saddles. Sugar nickered at me from her stall and I winced, shushing her as quietly as I could. Rowen grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Sugar who was getting increasingly more agitated as I continued to not present her with any sugar cubes.

I froze when we finally made it into the tack room. Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Christa, Connie, Sasha, and Jean were all standing in the small area, forced between various saddle and bridle stands. Sasha was gnawing on a piece of hair as Connie tried unsuccessfully to make her release the abused strand. Jean drummed his fingers against a saddle in annoyance. Eren was standing at attention with Armin as Mikasa stood slightly in front of them with her arms crossed and eyes hooded. Christa stood off to the side, looking lost without the tall brunette leaning against her and jeering at everyone.

They were all in their sleep clothes but, despite the hour, everyone's eyes were alert. In the middle of the tack room, holding a lantern, was Captain Levi. He was in his uniform and had his cape drawn close around his shoulders. His eyes went straight to the bruise forming along my jaw when I walked in and a muscle feathered along his neck before he looked away.

"Good, everyone's here," he began, his voice tight, "I'm forming a new squad. As of right now, you brats are it. The first mission as my squad is to hide Eren. Pack your civilian clothes, leave anything that stands out and could mark you as the survey corps. I don't care what you were doing before, this mission takes priority. There's a wagon packed with supplies at the end of the stables, get your things and your horses. You're to leave within the hour."

No one moved.

Levi scowled, "Were my orders not clear enough for you? Move!"

The new recruits flinched and began to scurry for the door between varying shouts of 'yes sir'. Levi leaned down, extinguishing the lantern and pulling up the hood of his cape. He slid out the door and toward the opposite end of the stables, where the wagon was waiting for us to leave. After a shocked beat I raced after him, shoving away Rowen's grasping hands and exclamations. I shot forward, trying to find Levi in the dark expanse of the barn.

I slammed into a warm body with an 'oof'. Steady hands against my forearms kept me from tumbling to the ground before withdrawing. I reached out in search of an anchoring grasp of clothing, but my fingers just uselessly brushed against a rough corner of wool.

"Captain!" I snarled, squinting to try and see through the dark expanse of the stables.

The quiet crunch of hay and swish of horses tails were all I heard in reply.

"What is it, Burrell?" interrupted my growl of frustration.

I stepped forward cautiously, my hands outstretched in front of me, "You never asked if we had any questions."

There was a quiet snort and a quick shuffle of boots as he murmured, "This isn't a fucking classroom. You have your orders."

"How am I supposed to know what to pack!?" I exclaimed. I yelped as I ran into the wagon, rubbing where the wood had hit my ribs, "Do we need our maneuvering gear? Do we need weapons? How long are we going to be out there? What exactly are we hiding from?"

My words dissolved into useless puffs of breath in the night air. Silence settled around me again and no amount of straining my ears could commandeer a scuffle or a sigh from the stables. He'd left me. I fell to the ground in a heap, knocking the back of my head against the wagon. What was going on? Levi was acting strange, it was like the past few weeks hadn't even happened. He was back to the same, cold, bastard captain I had first seen.

This morning, he had been so different, so warm. I folded my arms over the top of my knees and tried to spy a hint of the night sky through the cracks in the stable roof. He'd called me by name. _Yesenia._ He'd said it with the familiarity of a lover-not a captain. Then his face when I'd pulled away from him, like he was losing something.

At the same time that the thought made me want to run, it was also enticing. In those few moments before Rowen had come and I had pulled away, I had been warm and safe. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be held by someone; to wake up and not feel like I had to leave before they woke up. Of course, it was all a fluke, just another drunken mistake. At least, that's what I'd been trying to convince myself. The way he had held me tighter when I had curled in on myself, his hands lingering against my skin even after Rowen had gone, it made me think something significant had happened. I growled in frustration and hit my head against the wagon hard enough for it to rock forward. _Remember already you useless brain, what happened last night?_ I sighed and searched the darkness, _why won't Levi even look me in the eye?_

"What are you so damn scared of, Levi?"

"Yesenia."

I jumped before I recognized the voice. I stood with a sigh, "I'm coming, Rowen. Where are you?"

I could feel her eye roll in the silence before she answered, "Just follow the sound of my voice."

"That never works," I huffed before a hand clamped down on my wrist and hauled me up. There was a soft thump in the wagon behind me and I spun to try and find the source.

"You really have horrible eyesight in the dark," Rowen remarked as she pulled me away from the wagon, "It was just my bag, I finished packing while you were busy trying to woo the captain."

"Ha ha," I replied dryly as we finally made it out of the stable's cover and the moon peeked out from behind a cloud.

I followed closely behind Rowen back to barracks. Careful to not disturb the other cadets, I pulled what meager belongings I had and shoved them haphazardly into a sack. I hesitated as I came upon Ellie's patch. Levi had expressly said not to bring anything that would mark us as the survey corps. I bit my lip before shoving all of my other belongings aside and placing it at the very bottom of my sack. I couldn't leave it, that almost felt like leaving Ellie behind, and who knew when or if we would ever be coming back here. I tied off the top of my sack, gritting my teeth. _Who cares? It's not like I don't already have five marks of insubordination; I can deal with another._ I made to leave before cursing quietly and going back to remove the leather straps of my uniform and jacket and place them on my bed. I brushed a hand along the emblem adorning the back of my jacket before swallowing and turning my back on it.

Rowen had found a candle for me that I gingerly grabbed from her, shielding the small flame from the wind as we dashed toward the old, crooked stables. Most of the squad was already there, having changed out of their sleep clothes into civilian pants and skirts. They murmured to each other quietly as they got their horses equipped for the journey.

I watched Mikasa step out of the tack room with two sets of saddle pads, saddles, and bridles with raised eyebrows. I leaned toward Rowen, "Didn't you say Mikasa shattered her ribcage trying to get Eren back from the titan trio?"

Rowen just shrugged and grabbed her gear, heading toward her gray's stall. Rowen's horse was a huge thing, towering above most of the other horses at 16.2 hands. Rowen had ended up with him mostly because she was one of the few who could actually mount the horse. He was gray and dappled with white marks all over his body, he had three white socks that disrupted the black around his legs. He was a very proud horse, always held his head high and his ears erect. She had fittingly named him Freedom. Freedom was patient, and very pliable; always willing to work with his rider. At least that's what Rowen always told me. He never really liked me. He bared his teeth and snapped at me as I walked past and I threw a rude gesture over my shoulder as Rowen chided us both and put a hand on the side of his face to move him away from the stall door.

I sighed as I threw her saddle over the stall door and pushed Sugar aside so I could step into the stall. She nosed my chest fondly and I scratched her forelock in return. Sugar threw her head impatiently and nickered at me, turning her head to fix an accusatory eye on me.

"Don't worry I'm not waking you up in the middle of the night without snacks, I promise," I chuckled, pulling out an apple I had stashed for her.

She snuffled the object before sneezing on me and turning her head away ungratefully. I scoffed at her, shaking off as much of the sneeze as I could before wiping off the apple and pulling out my knife to cut it in half, "Fine, you ungrateful whore, I'll eat it."

I raised half to my mouth but before I could take a bite, she reached forward and snatched it out of my hand, her teeth grazing my fingers.

I snorted, "That's what I thought, you spoiled brat. Here, eat the other half, too."

When she had finished taking the apple from me, I turned to collect her saddle only for hands to grab me and pull me into the darkened corner of Sugar's stall. Not bothering to fight the hand over my mouth, I spun my knife, pushing the blade to my attacker's gut. I froze as I felt the cool pressure of metal at my throat. I flicked my gaze over to where Sugar was munching happily on her apple-half. Her utter disinterest filled me with betrayal.

"Careful, Yesenia," a woman's flamboyant voice murmured, "The legion is already stressed with Erwin out of commission, who knows how they'd react if the appointed second-in-command was killed off."

I rolled my eyes and sheathed my knife, starting to shake off Hanji's hands. My brow furrowed when she didn't loosen her grip and kept her blade at my throat. I dropped my shoulders with a muffled groan before beginning to thrash around.

"Calm down, Yesenia," Hanji hissed, "I'll let you go, you just need to keep quiet."

I stilled and Hanji slowly put away her blade and before reluctantly uncovering my mouth. Why did I need to keep quiet? Why had she ambushed me in my mare's stall? She was a captain, she had every right to waltz in and demand I talk to her. What is she hiding from and why? I turned to face her, folding my arms over my chest as we exchanged grimaces. She looked rough; her hair was loose around her shoulders in oiled clumps. There were dark circles under her eyes and her face was drawn. Her clothing hung limply on her frame and her glasses were smudged, barely hanging on to the edge of her nose.

"Damn, Hanji," I whispered, "You look like death. You kind of smell like it, too. When was the last time you bathed? Or ate?" _Or slept_ , I finished silently.

"You don't look too great, either. What happened to your face?" She grabbed my chin, moving my head to the side to better see the bruise stretching from the corner of my mouth to the bottom of my jaw. After I shook her off, she continued, "If we're talking about smells, though, you need to get the stench of midget off you before you start telling other people to bathe."

I dropped my shoulders and let out a unintelligible grumble. I walked back towards Sugar and pulled her head over my shoulder, hoping some of her warm-hay smell would rub off on me. I'd been so busy talking to Rowen that I hadn't had a chance to visit the baths. All I needed was another person to tell me I smelt like my captain.

"What do you want, Hanji? Why did you have to pull a knife on me?" I muttered as I pulled Sugar's saddle from the stall door and threw it onto her back.

Hanji hesitated for a minute, readjusting her glasses before answering, "It's about Levi."

I sighed, "That's all it's ever about, recently! Can't I have a normal conversation? The walls are falling down, mother fucking _titans_ are everywhere, but no, let's focus on Captain Levi!"

Hanji frowned, "This is serious, Yesenia! Why would I have bothered hiding here if it wasn't? Erwin is getting into some deep plans with Pixis, I think they're planning a coup de'tat. This is so much bigger than the titans. Nothing is safe right now."

I threw up my hands, "Wait, Commander Erwin? Organizing a coup? Damn it, you too, Hanji? The commander isn't some big master mind. He's just trying to keep humanity safe, like the rest of us!"

Hanji stepped forward and settled her hands on my shoulders, "After what happened with Ellie, I thought you'd be less fond of the image you'd made of Erwin."

I shook her hands off, "What do you mean? What does he have to do with Ellie?"

"He was the one who made the call to not kill the aberrant you were fighting on the last expedition. Erwin wanted to bring it back for experimentation. He called my squad over to capture it. Your group was supposed to hold its position until we got there with the equipment. Levi broke ranks and killed it, Erwin was livid."

My hands were shaking as I tucked Sugar's ears into her bridle, "What did you want to say to me about Levi?"

"Can you look after him?"

I stopped for a moment and then turned to look at her, certain I'd misheard, "What?"

"Look after him," She repeated, her face impassive, "Levi tends to get in over his head with a lot of things. He can get himself into some really deep shit trying to look after his squad. You seem to have a certain affinity for him and he seems-"

"Are you asking me to _babysit_?!" I cut in.

Hanji scoffed, she reached forward to extinguish the quiet light of the candle before advancing on me, "Get real, Yesenia. I'm not asking you to take care of some dumb fuck that can't wipe their own ass. I'm asking you to look out for someone other than yourself. Try to keep someone alive that is so focused on keeping everyone else alive that they put themselves in the line of fire. I'm asking you to consider actually caring for someone who finds their life as worthless as you find yours."

The squad had lit torches on the wagon, it was the only reason I could see the manic glint in her eyes. This wasn't the normal Hanji that would bore you to tears talking for hours about her precious titans. This wasn't the captain I had blown off and grudgingly befriended. This was something I had never seen before. Hanji was being pushed past her breaking point and being separated from a friend, maybe the only real friend she had left in the legion. A bead of sweat trickled down between my shoulder blades and I swallowed hard. For the first time since I had met her, I was actually scared of Hanji Zoe.

"Yesenia, you in there? It's time to leave," Sasha called from the wagon before being violently shushed by the rest of the squad.

I turned toward the sound but couldn't take my eyes off of Hanji. I was a deer staring down a wolf, certain that if I looked away for even a second, she would be on me.

"Well? Can you do it or not?" Hanji hissed.

My voice was hoarse as I replied, "I can sure as hell try."

"Give me your word!" She growled at me as she shoved me backwards toward the stall door.

"You've got it," I murmured as I edged to the door, bridle in hand, "You have my word, I'll try to keep Levi alive."

She finally smiled, a weary, broken smile as I pulled the door open and mounted Sugar. She laid a hand on my knee and gave Sugar a pat as she said, "Good, I won't kill you then. Have a safe trip, I'll meet you there in a few days."

As I joined the squad and we headed toward our hideout, I never once doubted that I would have died if I hadn't given her my word.


	25. Endurance Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the squad gets settled into their new home away from home and Levi and Yesenia have a friendly fight.
> 
> SOS! My chapters just keep doubling in length and I don't know how to make it stop! This chapter is over 10,000 words. T.T Send help. . .

We were only allowed a scant few minutes to commit the map to memory before setting the parchment to flames. We rode hard, not allowing our horses to slow past a canter, not daring to give them free rein. With nothing but the stars and a fingernail moon to light our path, we began to fear that we'd lost our way. We pushed on, huddling low over our mounts and pulling our cloaks tighter around us to keep the autumn chill at bay. As anxiety wove through the squad, our iron grip on the reins went slack. In our haste, we almost lost the wagon to a yawning chasm between the mountains. We watched the sun creep above the horizon with a deep seated dread that was only abated by the sight of a wooden roof beam as we crested the hill.

I allowed myself a breath of relief and straightened slowly, wincing as my stiff muscles complained, squinting through the sun's first rays to take in what would be our new living quarters.

The cabin was large enough to earn envious gazes in town, but here, nestled in a valley completely surrounded by jagged mountains, it could be overlooked as a merchant's summer home. It looked to be at least two stories high and was surrounded by a fence. There was a structure to the left of it that could have been a stable, but we were still too far away for me to be sure. After staying in nothing but barracks for so long, it looked so homey that I could almost smell the promise of a warm meal and feel the tight embrace of my mother.

We all shared small grins as we caught sight of it. Connie and Sasha exchanged a wild glance before urging their horses into a gallop, whooping something about food. The other horses stamped their feet with impatience. I pulled hard on the reins, directing the force toward my heel. I had to turn Sugar in two tight circles before she was calm enough to continue forward. I looked up at the sound of cursing to find Jean's horse at the end of a rear, its eyes wild.

"Damn morons!" He cursed, desperately pulling on the reins, "They know the only provisions we have we brought with us!"

"Leave them be," Rowen chided, patting Freedom on the neck fondly and murmuring in his ear as he stamped and snorted, "they're just ready to get out of the saddle."

Jean's horse let out a shrill nicker as Eren shoved between him and the wagon, holding out a hand to Historia with a grin, "You want to come along?"

Historia's response was cut short as Jean's hand clamped down on the back of Eren's shirt, "What the hell are you doing? Mikasa isn't enough for you, you greedy bastard?!"

Eren tried to shake him off with an indignant grunt, "What are you talking about you stupid Mama's boy?"

"Stop it!" Rowen cut in as Freedom began nervously side passing away from the wagon, "You two are just making things worse. You can't fight each other on horseback, anyway. These horses aren't trained for that kind of combat!"

"Why don't you settle it by racing to the cabin?" I called over from the other side of the wagon, grinning at Rowen's disapproving frown.

The two fell silent and Jean's face fell into a slack-jawed expression, his eyebrows furrowed and raised. It was a moment before he even found it necessary to voice how stupidly childish he thought the idea was. The teal eyed brunette cut him off.

"Sounds good to me," Eren growled, offering his hand to Historia once more and confirming the shake of her head before urging his horse into a gallop with a shout.

Jean floundered for a moment before digging his heels into his horse's flank, and setting off after them.

Mikasa brought her horse between Sugar and the wagon, offering her hand to Armin. Armin smiled, but shook his head, lifting the reins connected to the wagon's team of horses. Mikasa nodded before giving her horse more rein and leaning low on it's neck. Her midnight hair streamed out behind her as she shot after Eren.

"Oh, come on, Armin," I said, urging Sugar closer to the wagon's side, "What are you, fifteen? Act like a kid every once in awhile! You too, Chris-Historia."

Armin carefully crossed the left lead over the right, smoothing out the reins as he answered, "If the adults are acting like children, it only follows that the children will have to start acting like adults."

My jaw dropped and Rowen snorted before letting out a chortle. Armin's ears reddened by there was no other sign of discomfort at his careful jab. I leaned forward in my saddle, trying to catch his eye. He flicked his gaze over at me for a moment before his adam's apple bobbed and he trained his eyes on the driving team.

"Damn," I whistled low, sitting back into the saddle, "here I was thinking you were the little angel of the scouting region."

"You can't expect a kid with a brain like his to not have some witty comebacks," Rowen called to me over the wagon, "This kid's got enough sass to put you to shame!"

I snorted, "I won't be surprised until he has enough sass to put _you_ to shame."

Before Rowen could let out another retort, I spurred Sugar forward. Her muscles bunched and I leaned low as she shot forward at a gallop. I closed my eyes and wound her mane through the lines of her reins. I brushed a finger along her neck, feeling the way her muscles moved as she bound forward. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and let the world fall away until there was nothing but the sound of her hooves beating against the ground and thundering breaths.

The wind pulled at my hair and whipped Sugar's mane against my face. The sun's first few rays warmed my back, helping relax my muscles. For just a moment, I was a girl again, tearing through the fields astride my horse, laughing as we pushed into a canter and my heart stuttered at the new speed. I closed my eyes and pushed my hands along her muscles, trying to imagine that I was running with her, feeling the ground through her hooves and seeing the world through her big, chocolate brown eyes. I always trusted that my mare would take me home, to warm food and even warmer embraces.

Sugar's gallop abruptly became a trot, jarring me out of my memories. I sat up and rolled back my shoulders, not having yet convinced my muscles to fully release and stretch. Sugar stamped her feet impatiently as she reached forward and nipped at Connie's horse who threw her head and brushed her lips along Sugar's bridle. The teens were nowhere in sight but sounds of conversation with smatterings of raised voices flowed from the cabin.

I rolled my eyes and got ready to dismounted, leaving the reins at the pommel so Sugar could graze without stepping on her lead while I was inside. I slung my leg over the saddle but stopped, standing in the stirrup and craning my neck toward the structure beside the house. It was a rudimentary stable with long boards used to separate the stalls into four large sections. I sighed, as I dropped to the ground and headed toward the house. Sugar hated sharing her space, I would have to bring her out an extra treat from whatever provisions we'd been granted.

I pushed into the house, blinking rapidly as my eyes adjusted to the dark hallway. There was a door directly to my left and another on my right, just a few feet down the hall. The shouting wasn't coming from either. I bit my lip and brushed the top of a doorknob, wondering at what I could find inside. Steeling my resolve, I pushed forward, ignoring the curiosity that begged for me to ignore the cadets, just long enough for me to scope out the building.

As I passed the door on my right, the hallway spilled out into an open area. Connie and Sasha were rummaging in a kitchen that opened up to my left, already starting up a fire in the stone oven. Rolled my eyes and continued past the wall of the kitchen, taking note of the staircase that cut into the wall on my right. Teasing spots of sunlight trickled down from the top floor. I tore my eyes away.

On the other side of the wall, there was a living space filled with a long dining table surrounded by chairs. An armchair and couch had been pushed into the far left corner with a small, round table place in the center of the furniture. Eren and Jean were arguing over the long table as Mikasa quietly stood beside Eren, her hands absently adjusting the scarf around her neck.

"Alright, that's enough!" I barked.

Eren and Jean froze around my interjection and I saw Connie and Sasha hesitantly poke their head around the corner. I folded my arms and tried to think about what Rowen would do in this situation, immensely regretting my decision to race to the cabin.

"Jean, Sasha, you two go secure the perimeter. I saw a stable out there, make sure it's equipped and stall the horses once you're done with your perimeter sweep. Connie, Mikasa, get started on the kitchen. I think it was a good idea to get things warmed up, everyone is hungry after that shitty ride. Eren, you scope out the place. You've been a part of Captain Levi's squad longer that any of us. You know his standard of clean, so check out what needs to be done, find the cleaning supplies, and get started," I paused and thought on my words before nodding and looking back around the room.

Jean folded his arms, "Why do I have to be with Sasha?"

"Mikasa is going to keep an eye on Connie and you're keeping an eye on Sasha," I said, ignoring his rushed insistence that he wasn't looking to pair up with Mikasa, "No one wants to leave those two to their own devices when the wagon gets here, right?"

I took the silence that followed as an affirmation, "Alright! Get your asses to work, then!"

They grumbled but obediently began heading to their assigned tasks. I heaved a sigh and grumbled to myself as I moved toward the fireplace along the left wall. I hated being a responsible adult. It always left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I threw a couple of logs in the grate, pushing my face into my shoulder as a cloud of ash rose up to meet me. I reached into my pocket for the flint stone I always carried with me on long rides. After a few strikes, a small pile of tinder was smoldering under the grate.

I turned my back to the small flame, letting its warmth wash over me. Fall had set in now and even the days could be cold enough to send goose bumps racing along my skin. I didn't really need the excuse, though, I would have set a fire going in the hearth regardless. My father had taught me that a house was never really a home until it had a fire to provide warmth. He always said a fire was like the heartbeat of the home, that you could always find your way back if you had a good fire in the hearth. He had been a cold natured fool and my mother always chided him when he started a fire before fall had even begun, but she never put it out.

The door creaked open and I was on my feet at the sound of Rowen's calm and steady voice. I rushed into the hallway and grabbed Rowen's arms, ignoring the way she pulled back and raised an eyebrow as I did.

"Thank the _skies_!" I breathed, "Delegate! Please! I don't think I can handle being a responsible adult for another second."

Rowen's mouth thinned and she looked up in defeat, "Then I guess I'll just have to leave you to expire. I'd like to say it was nice knowing you."

"Rowen!" I groaned.

Her stoic face broke out into a smile and she shoved me toward the open door, "Alright, fine. Get your stuff and find the bathroom. You _still_ smell like booze and Sina knows you aren't going to be any help cleaning the house."

I walked toward the wagon slowly, pouting, "But I want to go for a run tonight, I haven't ran in _ages_! That would mean bathing twice!"

Rowen shrugged and walked toward the front door, "You could benefit from an extra bath or two."

I bristled, "Are you saying I stink?"

"Yes."

"Hmph. Can I at least get breakfast first?"

"Breakfast?" She spun on me.

I backpedaled, holding up my hands in surrender, "Nothing extravagant! Something simple, some oatmeal? Coffee?" The last word was nothing more than an empty wish. We rarely got coffee on missions like these.

Rowen sighed, "We all should get some breakfast. It'll take a while for them to get things ready, though. And it looks like everyone is busy right now," she paused to raise an eyebrow at me and I preened, "Just help unload the wagon and then bathe while we get the food prepared."

I almost saluted her but paused, "I can help make food."

She snorted, her gray blue eyes twinkling as she replied, "Not if any of us want to have anything edible."

"I can cook!"

"Name five things you can cook."

I growled at her before tearing out of the house, slamming the door shut on her chuckle.

* * *

The squad was preparing dinner when Jean burst through the backdoor, tearing into the living room. He and Sasha had been put on lookout at two simple sentry towers behind the house facing the mountains. I was sitting in the armchair, tugging on my boots in the hopes of getting in a quick run. I froze at the bang of the door. Fear flooded my veins. Had they already found us? How would we protect Christa and Eren?

Jean stopped when he saw me, understanding on his face as he took in my look of horror. He shook his head, breathing out a rushed, "Captain Levi," before continuing on to the kitchen.

My horror warped into trepidation and dread. Levi. It had been difficult to push aside the thought of him with my jaw throbbing at every spoken word, but I had managed. I wouldn't be able to do that now-not with him here, constantly by my side. I worried my lip between my teeth, the morning before replaying in my mind followed by last night when he had refused to so much as talk to me. He had gone from being more tender than any lover I had thus far taken to bed, to being as cold and unfeeling as the dead.

I shivered at the thought.

I yanked a boot onto my foot but then paused, staring at an eyelet. I wouldn't be able to hide from him. I wasn't sure I could even try. There was this pull within me when Levi was near, a need to be with him, to touch him. While hearing my given name from him had shocked me, I found myself wanting to hear it again. As much as it terrified me, I was backed into a corner. My only option was to stand and face him; ask him what had happened that night, find out why he had held me so gently. See just how wrong Rowen was.

I stopped Jean as he walked back to the door, "How long?"

He shrugged, "Sasha said she spotted him going into the forest. I couldn't see a damn thing. She's a beast, though, if she says she can see him, I believe her. Captain was hauling ass, probably. . . three minutes?"

My brows furrowed, "Was he by himself?"

He nodded. "I'm going back out, crazy woman has already tried to kill a deer and three rabbits. The idiots better have dinner ready soon."

I rolled my eyes, "good luck keeping a broad like her in line."

Jean smirked, "That's Connie's job, not mine."

I barked out a laugh. Maybe the kid wasn't as bad as everyone said, so long as he wasn't around Eren.

I slid out of the armchair, folding over my knee as I began to lace up my boot. Three minutes wasn't a lot of time. My lip lifted into a snarl as my hands shook. I curled and uncurled my fingers before yanking on the laces with a vengeance. I wasn't scared, I would have been able to handle it if I was. Instead, I was filled with this nervous energy. All I could think about was what I was going to say to him, how I would look at him and he at me. I hated myself for it.

"Dinner's ready!" Armin piped, coming around the corner with a large pot that he carefully placed in the center of the table.

Eren and Mikasa followed after him, carrying bowl and spoons. Connie disappeared out of the back door with two steaming bowls filled to the brim, biscuits precariously propped on the edge.

"Don't you think we should get ready for Captain Levi?" Eren was asking, his eyes shifting around the room.

"Nonsense," Rowen replied, walking to the table with a wicker bowl full of biscuits, "We've been getting ready for him all day, it's time for dinner. Sit down and get yourself a bowl."

Eren sat, but still looked exceedingly nervous. I rolled my eyes and looked back down at my boots.

A flag of motion at the corner of my vision had me flicking my gaze up toward the door Connie had disappeared out of. I froze when I didn't find Connie in the doorframe. I was on my feet in an instant, fist over my thundering heart in a salute. Everyone turned at the sound of my salute and immediately snapped to attention behind me, the room filling with the click of heels and thumping of fists hitting chests.

Levi glowered but returned the salute before walking into the room. Connie edged in after him and closed the door. Everyone dropped their salutes but stood rooted in place as Levi walked to some pieces of china that had been hung along the wall. Eren blanched before Levi even swiped his finger along the rim. I rolled my eyes and sank back to the floor. I crossed the ties of my other boot and wrapped them around my calf before beginning the knot at the front. The clanking of dishes resumed as Rowen continued laying bowls out around the table.

Levi clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, carefully wiping off his hands. "You're not done cleaning."

I flicked my gaze up. Rowen's face was dark with annoyance, she opened her mouth but Eren cut her off, "No, Captain Levi. We just stopped to have dinner, sir."

Levi hadn't missed Rowen's attempt at a retort, his eyes narrowed on her, letting silence stretch over the room. The squad held their breaths, gazes flicking between Levi, Rowen, and the light layer of dust that Levi's cloth now carried.

Levi hummed and turned away.

The tension in the room dropped. Quiet conversation picked up as the squad began to pull out the chairs around the table and pour soup into their bowls. The soup smelt warm and doughy and unmistakably of fowl. Dumpling soup. I took in a deep breath of it, briefly wondering which one of the cadets had actually known how to make it. My stomach felt hollow but didn't growl at the smell. I released my breath, it was the perfect time for a run. And an escape.

"Burrell." My head snapped up from my boot's ties to find my captain standing directly in front of me. His eyes didn't waver as he stared down at me. Levi didn't bother to lower his voice as he asked, "Where are you going?"

I finished the knot with a jerk, "Going on a run, Captain."

"Come with me."

The squad froze around Levi's voice. I sighed. _I just said I was going for a run, can't it wait?_ Resigned, my muscles tensed to stand, a 'yes, sir' parting my lips. I froze, bouncing slightly against my heels when I realized he hadn't barked out the command and turned away. My eyebrows flicked down in confusion as I looked up from his boots to find steely eyes still lingering on me. My breath stilled as I realized his words weren't an order. My _captain_ was waiting to see if I would follow him. Levi was giving me the option to say no.

I blinked up at him, my gaze shifting away as Rowen stood up from the chair she'd claimed. Her eyebrows were raised in question as she flicked her gaze over to Levi. I shook my head slightly. I knew I'd have to talk to him, I hadn't thought he'd come to me on his own after his less than fond farewell at the stables. I would have never fathomed that he would so openly display to the entire squad that we were more than just captain and cadet. I ground my teeth, it had to have something to do with that night. It just kept popping up along with the deep seated dread that everything had changed in that one night, and I'd never be able to remember it.

As I turned my attention to Levi's gaze once again, a blurred image flashed through my mind; his face soft as he knelt beside me, brushing my hair out after my eyes. I was on my feet in an instant, rocking towards my captain. His eyes widened and then narrowed at the sudden movement and I heard at least one scuffle as a cadet jumped.

I didn't move, afraid that if I so much as breathed I would scare away the hazy memories. When no other hint of a memory surfaced, I nodded and replied with a curt, "yes, Captain."

His face was blank but he nodded before looking up to address the rest of the squad, "Hanji, Erwin, and the other captains will be here by nightfall. A wagon will be arriving with them containing your gear. Get a space ready for it on the second floor with the rest of the supplies. Make sure this hellhole is clean by the time the captains arrive."

Reluctant shouts of affirmation followed Levi out as he pulled the door closed. I threw a grin at Rowen. Her look of concerned confusion melted into a glower. She turned toward the soup pot and waved me on. I pushed out after him, excitement humming through me. Of course Levi would be the trigger! If I followed him I had an actual chance to remember at least some of what had transpired.

I paused when I came to the edge of the small stone fence. I turned toward the weight of his gaze to find him standing at the edge of the tree line. A new thought planted a seed of doubt in my exhilaration as I returned his gaze. _Do I really want to know what happened?_ I shook off the thought and sprang over the stone barrier, settling on my feeling of anticipation as I moved toward where Levi was waiting for me.

My captain stood to the left of the house, waiting just at the tree line, though he looked nothing like my captain at the moment. His uniform had been traded for a cream cotton shirt and loose fitting dark pants with tall combat boots. Along with his clothes, his hair was mussed and he sported speckles of mud from his ride.

There was something about seeing Levi out of uniform that shook me. He looked a little more wild, like the uniform kept his life before the survey corps tucked away and without it, that little bit of abandon shone through. It was like a window to another time in his life, another side of Levi that I hadn't seen and I eagerly drank in the sight of him.

He was leaning against a tree, his arms folded across his chest. His chin lifted as I approached, a frown twisting his lips, "Hurry up, brat."

"Now, now, Captain," I replied, tapping his shoulder with a finger, "hasn't anyone ever told you you can't rush a lady?"

"Then it's a good thing you're not a lady, isn't it?" He intoned as he turned away and wove deeper into the forest.

I glared at him for a moment before shrugging a reluctant agreement and following after him. By the time he stopped, we were in a clearing covered by a leafy canopy that only let slight slivers of the setting sun's light through. As much as it pained me to admit, the short hike had me winded. Between the thin mountain air and the weeks I'd had to lay off the training because of my ribs, I was having trouble hiding my panting breaths fogging the air before me.

Levi walked to the middle of the clearing and reached back to pull his knife from the sheath at the small of his back. His fingers coaxed the small blade into a quick spin against his thumb before catching the hilt and throwing it, tip down, into the grass. The simple movement sparked a chain of memories.

_Sometimes you look at me like Jerome._

I tried to keep the ground beneath me from swimming.

The memory shadowed the man before me until he widened his stance and held his hands up in a loose guard. Separated from the ghost of my memory, Levi looked me over, silvery eyes hooded.

I blinked rapidly in an attempt to focus on what was unfolding before me instead of following the breadcrumbs the new memories were leaving. I let out a subdued, "what are you doing", in the hopes that engaging in the present would pull me away.

"Helping get one of my cadets back into shape. You're going to need to be combat ready," he answered, oblivious to my internal turmoil.

I frowned at his answer, intrigue yanking me out of my thoughts. I took a moment to repeat his words in my mind before I enunciated, "So, you're going to spar with me?"

His hands tightened into fists as he snapped, "Do you _not_ want a chance to repay me for that bruise?"

When I grinned at him it was sharp as steel. I jumped forward without need for any other invitation, the thought of rediscovering my lost night tossed away. Levi leaned back and batted away my roundhouse. I shifted my weight, looking over my shoulder as I pushed my heel out, force directed straight through his sternum. He dropped to the ground, knees bent. Hard eyes alighted on my ankle and his weight shifted. I clenched my teeth and waited for him to swing out his leg and knock me to the ground.

He didn't move.

With both feet anchoring me to the ground once again, I shot forward, pushing my knee up towards his face. Levi's hand clamped around my knee as he spun away from me, his boots leaving deep grooves through the grass. I winced as I fell hard on my back, my teeth rattling against each other. I bent my arms back, pushing off the ground and rolling into a backflip. My landing was unsteady and I stumbled slightly as I tried to regain my footing and put up my guard before the oncoming strike.

That never fell.

Levi was watching me, his hands loose at his side. I frowned. I was completely open, why wasn't he coming after me?

"We need to stop. You aren't ready for this kind of training," his words were laced with something dark and akin to disappointment and regret.

"Don't worry about me, Captain," I ground out, "I might be out of practice, but I've got plenty of stamina."

No words could disguise the way my muscles shook with exertion. It hadn't been more than a few minutes since I had let my first kick fly, but my skin was already slick with sweat and my breath little more than pants. Despite that, my blood hummed with exhilaration and my knuckles were itching to find their target.

I shot forward. His hands were back into a loose guard before I was even close enough to land a punch. My movements were slowed by weeks of reluctant recuperation. My mind was distracted by the light sheen of sweat on his skin, his focused gaze, the bulge of his muscles beneath his clothes, and the memories that were unearthed with each expression he showed me.

Each position we took, each blow we parried, each brush of his heated skin against mine and each panting breath pulled out another memory. They were clouding my vision and weighing down each blow. I gritted my teeth and tried to push them down, just for a moment. I could try to sort them out and string together what had happened when I wasn't trying desperately to land a punch.

The corner of his mouth twitched and between parries, Levi breathed, "You may have stamina, but I still remember being able to last longer than you."

I froze, my ankle held aloft by Levi, another roundhouse cut just centimeters short of finding its mark. My pulse spiked as he let down his guard, let me see past the captain. The urge to remind him that he had practically _begged_ me that first night was overwhelming, but when I opened my mouth, I found a different rejoinder on my tongue.

"Why aren't you defending yourself?" I'd been wanting to growl it at him, snarl like a rabid beast that had been promised a fight but got a pat on the head. Instead, my voice was blank.

No matter what I did, Levi wouldn't strike back. I had given him ample opportunity to leave me with another bruise or broken bone. Every time, his eyes would alight on the opening, make note of it, and then ignore it. Each ignored opening further stoked the fury within me. His dry smile had killed that fire.

Levi frowned and tapped his fingers against my captured ankle, "I'm defending myself better than you're attacking."

Molten heat roared through my veins once more and as he released my ankle, I spun, flinging my other ankle out in a crescent kick, heel driving toward the ground. His eyes widened and he threw up a hand to block the kick. Instead of hitting him, I curled my knee around his neck and the arm he had raised to block my kick. I grabbed hold of my ankle and pulled back, the force making my muscles scream. I could already feel Levi getting a grip on my calf, but before he could find a way out of my hold, I twisted. I gritted my teeth as we both fell toward the ground.

The fall was jarring, and I knew I would have a bruise against my hip by the morning, but I refused to loosen my hold on him. Levi struggled to push my leg over his head, but with his wrist captured against his neck, it was all he could do to keep me from strangling him. I finally had the upper hand.

I leaned forward, grinning down at him as I murmured, "For someone who 'isn't ready for this kind of training' I got you beat pretty quickly."

Levi growled up at me and when he arched his hand over my shoulder, for just a moment, I froze, anticipating the hand cupping around my neck to pull me down for a rough kiss.

At the thought, another memory surfaced, a desperate kiss after a murmured plea. My body flushed hot as I stared down at him, the same man as the one in my memory, but so different. Still, I knew how his lips would chase the heat across my skin, and I yearned for that touch.

My hesitation allowed him to get a grip on the back of my shirt.

I cursed and tried to pull back, but he was already hurling me over his head. I spun, grounding my weight as I pushed the balls of my feet into the soft ground and put out my hands, skidding to a stop.

My knees were shaking and sheer force of will was the only thing that kept me from letting them touch the ground. I flung my head up, ready to defend myself, only to find Levi standing where I had left him, his hands up in a loose guard.

I snarled.

His damn guard. Like he needed it; like someone with his skills would need to actually defend themselves against me. As if he needed to _protect_ himself from me. Why was he forcing me to attack? Why was he always waiting for me to make the first move, gauging exactly how far he was willing to go? He was always so protective of himself but so ready to push me further than I was willing. I was done fighting a one-sided battle, if he was going to pull me into this, I would drag him right down with me.

I curled my hand around the dirt and debris under my palm and willed myself forward. One last round, one last chance to make him meet me head on-to have enough respect for me as an opponent to stop pulling his punches.

I threw the handful towards his face and Levi's eyes narrowed, his chin lowering as he took note of my cheap shot. He flipped backwards to avoid it, but I grabbed one of his wrists before his hands found purchase in the grass. I pulled him facedown into the dirt and scrambled onto his back. I tried to plant his wrist against his shoulder blade and shove a knee against his spine. I grunted as he rolled, shoved my shoulders into the ground, and sat on my stomach, his knees straddling my ribcage.

"You're done, Burrell," Levi growled his eyes fierce, "You're out of shape and out of practice. You can't win. Stop fighting me."

I struggled against his iron grip, but I was spent. My muscles shivered with overexertion and no amount of throwing my head could keep the sweat from dripping into my eyes.

"You say that like it was an actual fight. Why were you pulling your punches, damn it?!" I panted, letting my head drop into the grass.

I twitched as a blade tickled my ear and Levi followed the movement, tongue darting out to wet his lips. An idea fueled by the barrage of memories started to form in my mind at the movement.

"I was gauging your skills. If I'd actually fought you, it would have been over too quickly for me to be able to do that." Levi removed his hands from my shoulders but showed no move to get off of me.

I snorted and kicked my legs weakly, trying to dislodge him from his position.

That was a shameless lie. I couldn't fault him for it, though. Not when my every movement was a lie, not when I was pulling him in, carefully laying my trap.

He clicked his tongue and leaned forward, bracing his hands against my shoulders, "Stop it, brat, you're only going to hurt yourself."

I glared up at him. Arrogant bastard thought he had me beat. Well, he wasn't going to win this fight. I trailed a hand up along his neck and into his hair. As his grip went slack, I rose up to whisper into his ear, "Say please, _Levi_."

His eyes blew wide and his breath caught. I leaned back and gave him a thin smile before balling up my hand and putting everything I had into a punch right into his side. Levi was propelled off of me with a whoosh of air. Neither of us bothered to move as the silence of the forest settled back down around us, interrupted only by our panting breaths. My jaw and hand were throbbing angrily, but I didn't care. I let out a little laugh that dissolved into a tired sigh. I'd landed a punch.

"You remember?"

I rolled my head toward Levi. He was sprawled out, a forearm thrown over his eyes. I hummed but then corrected, "Bits and pieces. After me and Rowen got our second round from the storage, it gets fuzzy. Did you take me out of the dining hall?"

His answer was a sigh into the wind, "I couldn't leave you there. You were chasing anything with a penis; acting like a dog in heat."

I frowned at his short answer and shot, "What does that make you, the one who decided to screw this dumb bitch?"

"Just another dog of the military." There was no hesitation in his voice and when I turned I found him watching me, a wry smile tugging on his lips.

I looked back at the canopy, tracing a branch with my gaze, "You've got one hell of a twisted sense of humor." Before he could reply I continued, "Were you ever going to tell me about Erwin?"

Silence.

"Hanji?"

I hummed.

He was quiet for a moment more before answering, "I've seen what it takes to gain your respect as a superior, I wasn't going to take that away from you. Why the hell would Hanji tell you?"

"She also told me to keep you from doing something stupid."

Levi coughed slightly and I turned, catching him at the end of a wince. "Shitty four-eyes. Damn, Yesenia, I think you bruised my fucking kidney."

I hesitated long enough to make him stiffen. I huffed out a shaking laugh, "Serves you right. Why were you pulling your punches?"

"Yesenia," his sigh was a weary warning.

"No," I cut in, sitting up and throwing an arm over his side, pinning him in place. The heat from our skin was enough to make the position uncomfortable and my arms were still shaking from the exertion, but I locked my elbows and stared down at him.

Levi raised an eyebrow. His gaze softened when it met mine and my arms wobbled. A flurry of echoing expressions came to mind as I took in the subtle softening of his face. He reached up, brushing a curl out of my eyes before trailing his fingertips against the fading bruise along my jaw. "I won't hurt you."

I frowned at him, "You didn't seem to have an issue hitting me on the expedition and in front of Erwin."

I was jostled as he rose up on his elbows, his eyes alight with rage. The rough timbre of his voice tore through us as he roared, "You didn't give me a fucking choice!"

His rage was a palpable thing. It was something I was just beginning to acclimate to. When Levi was annoyed, relaxed, content, all his emotions were quiet and subdued. It was as if he was a resident spectator to the world around him. Not meant to interfere with his emotions, just to watch and keep his thoughts to himself. But when he raged. . . It poured out of every movement, word, snarl and glance. His fury permeated the air and sunk through my skin, leaving me raw and shaking.

I didn't pull away. As much as his fury made me want to lash out in defense- match his raw emotion with my own- I held back. It seemed only appropriate to take in all of the emotion that he so constantly withheld from the world. Take this moment when he was so completely open and all his guards were down and hold it.

Levi only let his fury lash out for a moment. I watched the anger melt away from the furious furrow of his brows and the tense set of his jaw with a sort of disappointment. I desperately held back the desire to stoke that ire back into a frenzy as I watched him sink back into himself, tuck away his emotions.

"Don't."

Levi frowned, annoyance stirring the still pool of his eyes.

I pulled up a hand, running my fingers along my palm to dislodge the pieces of grass that clung to the indents along my skin. Levi went stiff as my hand wound through his hair and pulled his face toward mine. After an insistent tremor shook my frame, I eased my body on top of his, enjoying the way his chest and shoulders tensed to support the added weight. Our gazes were locked, his silver eyes all I could see.

"New rule: don't hold back," I murmured it against his lips and could feel the resulting smirk before his lips parted and captured mine.

His kiss was slow, his lips still holding the slight curve of his smile. Any thought other than the feel of him faded.

The familiar itch set in as he touched me, the same feeling I got any time he looked at me with a hungry, predatory gleam in his eyes. A shiver crept under my skin and took root, demanding more. To taste the salt of his sweat and chase his pulse with my tongue.

Levi pulled away to press feather light kisses along my collarbone and up my neck. I pulled against the raven locks in my hand, trying to guide his attention lower, somewhere I knew I could stoke him into a heated fervor. His lips curled against my skin before parting. I flinched and a gasp escaped me as his teeth teased along my skin in quiet reprimands. Levi shifted our weight onto one elbow, reaching up to tangle a hand into my hair. His other hand found mine through the grass and his fingertips trailed along my arm in an inconsistent, lazy design that made me want to scream.

If there was one thing I had never been good at, it was patience. The itch that had begun when he had brushed his lips against mine buzzed into a frenzy of unbridled energy. Every brush of his skin against mine just fed the need to feel him moving against me without any barriers. The memory of his fingers trailing along my ribcage flitted to the forefront of my mind and I drifted.

His hands had been so gentle. I had thrown myself at him, all raw passion and emotion and need and he had met me with hesitant, light touches. My cheeks burned hot with shame as I remembered grinding down against his hips, growling. _Can we just get_ on _with it?_ My hands stilled and I stiffened, all the nervous energy gone with a single thought.

I had thrown myself at him and he had pushed me back. Kept me from going through with something I undoubtedly would have regretted. No man would have done that if he was just interested in a good, clean fuck. Despite everything, he still wanted me, that much was obvious with every touch. I recalled how his eyes had blown wide when I'd said his name.

Remembered how my heart had stuttered when he'd said mine.

His fingers had curled around my wrist loosely when I had stiffened and he leaned back, watching me tentatively, but without worry.

I looked down and my lips pulled back into a wan grin. "What are we doing?"

Levi's chest rose and fell sharply in a huff. He contemplated for a moment before offering a snide, "Endurance training."

My mouth quirked. "That sounds like a hell of a lot more fun than what we're doing. I mean, what is this? What are we?"

Levi's chest stilled as he held his breath. Twilight was upon us, bringing with it a chill that left our breaths clouding around us and a dark sort of light that left everything blurring together and seeming subdued. When I looked up his face was incredulous and slightly annoyed. His face went slack as he took in my expression. He shifted between his elbows. I moved my weight toward my hip and began to pull away but his fingers tightening against my wrist coaxed my muscles to relax against him once more.

His voice was careful as he asked, "What do you want us to be?"

I sucked in my bottom lip, chewing against the soft skin as I considered my response. His eyes flicked down to track the movement before coming back to rest on my eyes.

"I don't know."

There was a beat of silence before he replied with another question, "What do you want from me?"

Even as my hands tightened around his shirt, still damp from our spar, I couldn't find an answer I was willing to acknowledge.

"I don't know."

His eyes tightened, "What do you want me to do?"

I shouldn't have asked. We could have continued dancing around each other's feelings, exploring the physical range of whatever we had. Acknowledging that there was any feeling behind our movements was dangerous. It filled me with a charged sort of dread that made me want to run or scream. I didn't move.

"I don't know."

He sat up sharply and pulled my knees to the outside of his hips. My body was rigid as he cupped my face and stared into my eyes, his gaze hard and determined.

"Then let me tell you what I want," Levi growled. He open his mouth to continue but then slowly closed it as his eyes searched mine. I couldn't imagine what I looked like to him.

Some brat scared shitless at the very notion of someone possibly wanting something more than just sex?

He wouldn't be wrong.

He followed the bottom curve of my lip with a thumb and I was astonished when I didn't tremble at the touch.

"I want you."

He said it so simply. Like he was asking for something simple. Something I could actually give him.

"That much is obvious," I smirked at him. His gaze didn't waver. He didn't pull away. Levi just watched and waited. I swallowed and when I couldn't stand his gaze for another second I pulled away from him, trailing a hand through the grass beside my leg.

"What-" my voice stuttered and I had to clear my throat and try again, "What if I can't?" I couldn't force myself to look at him, no matter how much everything in me needed to see his reaction. "I can't give you something I don't have."

Calloused fingers brushed over the top of my hand and I shook as his voice murmured against my hair, "I don't want who you think you are or who you think you have to be, I want you as you are, right now."

I clenched my teeth and turned to fix my eyes on his unwavering gaze, "I don't have anything that I can give you as I am now."

Levi sighed out a growl and leaned forward, his hand cupping around the back of my neck. He pulled me forward, his lips crashing against mine. I wanted to fight against his hold, I wanted to insist that he listen to me. I also wanted the reprieve. I was lost. I was _scared._ I didn't know what I wanted from Levi, didn't know what I could give him. I didn't know if I could even stomach the thought of being in any sort of relationship with anyone. But this-bodies moving, pulses racing, tongues searching-I knew this. I was more familiar with this than anything in my life anymore. I welcomed the escape.

Levi pulled away, resting his forehead against mine. I opened my eyes, his silvery gaze boring into mine as our panting breaths mixed in white puffs of air.

"This," he said, "I want _this_. This you, this space, this feeling. I don't want this to belong to anyone else."

I raised an eyebrow, "Belong? Levi-"

"No. Not belong," his grip on the back of my neck loosened as he looked away, "You could never belong to anyone, you aren't some possession. I just. . ."

I stopped for a moment and tried to push down my initial response, tried to remember what Hanji had said to me, "Wait a minute, let me translate."

"Translate?"

Hanji had said he usually said the opposite of what he meant, that he couldn't say something nice. After thinking over his words in that mindset, I frowned and decided to ignore Hanji's words. _This space, this feeling._ I thought back on his 'new rule' he'd given me that night.

"So," I tasted the words on my tongue before I really spoke them, "You don't want me to be this close to anyone else. You want me to only be with you like this."

Levi was quiet for a moment before he hummed his agreement.

I swallowed hard. Could I do that? Could I actually be someone's lover? The memory of Jerome lingered at the corner of my mind. I sent one last apology to him before I pushed it away. I was going to be stuck in the cabin for who knew how long, Levi would be the only one I would even consider having sex with, anyway. I could afford to give him this space, this warmth.

_This feeling._

My heart stuttered.

"I can't lo-" I choked, "If I can only give you this space, would that be enough?"

His reply washed over me as he pulled my shirt aside to reveal my shoulder and brushed his lips over the warm skin, "It's a start."

The reflexive shudder that followed had less to do with his words and everything to do with the grin that was being pushed into my skin. Getting etched into my skin. It was a thought, a feeling, a hope, and it sank deeper and deeper until it thrummed through me. It filled me, pushing and etching and growing until I couldn't tell where his grin ended and my emptiness began.

Even worse, I couldn't tell when my answering grin had filled me and stretched across my lips.

I pushed away the thought as I pushed Levi into the grass. Now wasn't the time for the thought of a feeling. It was the time for whispers of skin against skin. The time to make good on my promise, to give in to the warmth of this space.

**(NSFW)**

I couldn't tell exactly when the soft gray of twilight had been swallowed by the night. The resulting darkness had been submerged into pure blackness by the canopy overhead, robbing me of my sight. At some point, I had stopped seeing Levi and instead had given over to just the feel and the sound of him. My skin shivered in anticipation on his every touch, each graze of calluses, lips, teeth, hips, left me twitching and aching. Left me wanting.

Using my hands along the sharp angle of his jaw as a guide, my lips found his pulse. At that moment, his fingers pushed under my shirt, tracing along my spine. The rough brush of his fingertips along with the rush of cold air against my skin pulled a shuddering groan from me pushing right into the column of his throat.

The world shifted around me so rapidly that against all logic, I was certain a hole had opened up right there in the forest floor and swallowed us whole. I clutched at Levi, the rush of my heart abating slightly as I heard his quiet chuckle. The realization that my back was now cradled in soft, tickling grass was quickly shoved aside as a hand trailed up the inside of my thigh.

My knees jumped apart without any additional coaxing and I almost regretted my lack of self control. But then his hand began to trail along the newly exposed area and all I could think was, _yes, yes, finally! Skies, don't let him stop!_

Levi's mouth played along the bottom swell of my breasts, his hair tickling my stomach with each breath. As his fingers inched higher so did his lips, further adding to the liquid heat throbbing in my core. I bit my lip but couldn't stop the moan that escaped me as he reached the apex of my legs, my hips undulating against him and back arching off of the forest floor. The answering panted groan against my chest pulled my hands away from their travels over his shoulders, neck, biceps, back.

I hooked my fingers into the top of my pants, lifting my hips off the ground and pushing with every intention of eradicating the layer of fabric that always seemed to separate us. Levi's hand grasped my wrist, pulling my hand to his side before urging my hips back into the grass.

I let out a disapproving noise and he ground out, "you want to have sex in the fucking woods?" There was an actual note of question to his voice, like he wasn't entirely against the idea but wasn't sold on it either.

In response, I followed his spine down to his pants and traced the fabric until my hand was wedged in the small breadth of space between our bodies. Pulling the fabric away from his heated skin, I rubbed a small circle into his pelvis, nail brushing against hair. Levi's moan was louder than the last, his deeply melodic voice giving way to dark gravel and need and _carnality_.

"Are you going to take off your pants or am I going to have to?" I purred, my voice rough, fingertips teasing.

He leaned down, low enough for his body to brush tantalizingly against mine, close enough that I felt his growl shiver through my skin and dance along my sensitized nerves. " _If you don't stop, I'm going to take you right here_ ," he accentuated, rocking his hips into mine.

"I'd really rather you not take her anywhere, actually."

I froze, the high, gasping moan his movements had pulled from me caught in my throat. I turned toward Rowen's voice, trying to make out her form in the darkness. I jerked my attention back to Levi as the small space between us was extinguished. I clamped my teeth around a groan as he pressed against the juncture of my legs.

"Why does your damn friend keep interrupting?" Levi snarled against my neck.

There was apart of me that wanted to defend Rowen, but a larger part of me agreed with him. I let my head fall back against the grass and tried to push away every over sensitized response from his movements. Every breath pushed him further against me, stoking the fire under my skin impossibly higher. I reached up a shaking hand and ran my fingers through his hair in what I hoped was a soothing motion. From the way he twitched against me, I gathered that it wasn't very soothing.

"This 'damn friend' is saving your asses," Rowen called, annoyance thinning her voice, "which I hope you still have covered."

I moved slightly and Levi made a sound deep in his throat. His hands came up to clench the outside of my hips, the movement pushing my pants dangerously lower. I shuddered and couldn't fight the whine that escaped me, the new onslaught of sensations almost enough to push me over the edge. "Mostly?"

Rowen let out an exasperated sound, "For Sina's sake! Either hurry it up or cool down; the captains just got to the cabin. Erwin called for a meeting before he even got off the wagon. And try to keep it down, I could have found you two through sound alone. I'm going back."

I sighed, "We should probably-" my words were cut short as lips moved along my neck. His fingers moved in time with each brush of his mouth, the skillful ministrations pushing my pants lower with each brush of callouses against smooth, flushed skin. A moan escaped me before I could close my mouth again, and a warm puff of air moistening my neck gave away my captain's dark chuckle. I licked my lips and tried again, "We need to stop."

Levi didn't move as he growled.

I rolled my eyes and flipped our positions, pushing him into the grass. He didn't fight me but I could feel the weight of his gaze hungrily roll over the exposed expanse of my hips as I pushed myself onto my knees and got my pants properly situated. I sat back on my heels, ready to tell him exactly why we had to stop but flinched as I solidly pressed my ass against his erection. Levi's eyes snapped shut and he grunted as his hips bucked, seemingly without his volition.

The sudden movement thrusted me forward, knocking me off balance. I flailed. Levi cursed, his hands bracing against the top of my thighs. I pushed my hands against his stomach and chest to catch myself. He grunted again for an entirely different reason, coughing slightly as I fell forward. Confused, I gently pressed along the skin under my palm, realization flooding me as the skin gave, showing the bruise long before color would rise to the surface. I hissed, jerking away from him.

I ventured, "are you-?"

"Fine," he ground out.

After allowing a moment for us to catch our breaths, I continued, "We need to stop. Mostly because we don't have any other clothes to change into. We can't walk up to Erwin covered in sex."

Levi let out a long breath. I shifted uncomfortably as the silence settled around us. The grip against my thighs tightened and a finger playing along the inside of my thigh made me shiver as he muttered, "Would you get off me? You should know that I'm not going to attack you."

I lifted a knee and turned away from him before standing. My legs wobbled, but I managed to take a few steps away. I couldn't recall when exactly the moon had taken her place in the sky, but without Levi's warmth, the night air was startlingly cold. I lifted my arms and let me eyelids drift shut, taking in a long breath of chilled air. A smile touched my lips as I breathed in the soft smell of fallen leaves and cold earth. Undoubtedly, this was what Levi smelled like, but better, stronger. I wondered briefly if I smelled like autumn now. I found that I wasn't entirely opposed to carrying the scent.

After a few minutes, Levi came to stand beside me. "What are you doing?"

I shrugged, "Letting you take care of yourself."

A quiet snort, "No, why do you look like you're trying to take off? You look like a brat."

 _If you lift your arms and close your eyes, it almost feels like you_ are _taking off._

I couldn't say that. Instead, I sighed through my nose and shoved my hands into my pockets, turning back toward the cabin. I grinned at him over my shoulder, "then you obviously have a thing for brats, perverted old man."

I turned and began walking away, my heart racing at the possibility of his retaliation. I yelped as arms encircled me and pulled me close to his chest, Levi's voice was pure gravel as he murmured into my ear, "The next time you get me that turned on, I won't let you go."

I craned my neck, grazing my teeth along the edge of his jaw, "You couldn't make me stay even if you wanted to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter despite its monstrous length. I have no idea when my next post will be because this new semester is shaping up to be a nightmare. There will only be one more chapter for this part, but the story is far from over so I hope you'll stick with me. Long journeys are always more fun with friends. (: Thanks for reading!


	26. Don't lie to me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesenia becomes a spy and has a fight with Levi.

"This isn't going to be good, is it?"

The quiet teasing between us had petered out when the soft glow of the cabin had first become visible through the wall of tree trunks. I had been trying to push the thoughts aside, but with the arrival of the captains and Erwin, it had to be something big. Why else would we have gone into hiding on the side of a mountain?

Warm fingers brushed against my wrist, a small comfort as Levi agreed, "Worse."

I barked out a laugh, "Isn't this the part where you console me? 'No, Yesenia, it'll be fine. We can tie Erwin to the ceiling by his eyebrows and hide out in the woods until everyone is done with their pissing contest.'"

I almost laughed at my own attempt at his melodic drawl, but a snort cut me off, "Don't hold back. That is what you said, right? Or did you just mean physically?"

I winced slightly, "Well, no. I guess not." I bit the inside of my lip, _maybe I was a little too hasty with that one._

Levi's hand curled around my wrist, pulling me up short as I neared the edge of the tree line. The thinning canopy and warm glow from the cabin revealed the soft outline of his form, the details of his face smudged into shadows and half shapes. He offered no words of comfort as he ran careful fingers through my hair. When my curls were arranged satisfactorily, a warm hand settled against my neck, cradling my jaw.

After a moment, I let out a shuddering breath and stepped forward to return the favor, turning toward the cabin when his raven locks were in his usual carefully arranged manner, "Alright, let's get this shit over with."

"That eyebrows bastard is planning something. Whatever happens, don't do anything reckless."

His words were little more than a murmur, but the urgency in them stopped me in my tracks. I sighed through my nose and shook my head slightly, _you know I can't make a promise like that._

I grinned over my shoulder at him as I pushed towards the cabin, "Say please?"

"Yesenia, I'm serious," Levi continued as he followed after me, his voice tinged with annoyance now.

"So am I, Levi." Perhaps I'd said it too fast, or maybe it was the touch of weariness or exasperation in my voice, but Levi pulled up short. The conflict on his features shone clearly in the light of the cabin. I swallowed and reached for the door, pulling it back with a muttered, "After you, Captain."

A muscle along his jaw feathered, but then he squared his shoulders and turned away from me. I looked down and let out another quiet sigh, before pushing in after him.

"Yesenia, dear, you are a mess."

My head snapped up at the jovial voice of my previous captain and despite my aversion to the quirky woman, I had the urge to wrap her in a hug. "Hanji!" I crowed, grinning ignoring the somber stares from the other captain seated around the room, "I forgot you were going to be here."

Hanji chuckled, "You're inability to accept me as a captain doesn't change my position. Why are you covered in mud?"

I shrugged, "Captain Levi and I were sparring."

A stray eyebrow inched toward her hairline, "Oh? Did you get a hit in?"

I lifted my chin triumphantly and tapped my side. Hanji turned toward where Levi was claiming an empty chair beside her and poked the side that mirrored the place I had indicated. Levi flinched away from her with a scowl and Hanji let out an impressed noise.

My grin melted away at the pointed sound of Erwin clearing his throat, "I should wash up and head to my bunk," I snapped a salute, "If I may take my leave, Captains?"

"No, Cadet Burrell, stay."

I slowly turned to Erwin, apprehension etched into every breath, "Commander?"

"I believe it could be beneficial to have one of our front line cadets present at this meeting; to represent our troops," his words were carefully measured and uttered with clear assurance that smoothed out the confusion on his captain's faces, "Please, have a seat."

I inclined my head toward him and stiffly claimed the only empty chair, opposite to the head of the table where Erwin sat. Unease settled over me as his blonde head returned a dip in acknowledgement. Then, he began to speak.

"After the break in wall Rose, suspicions are pointed at the Survey Corps. Our troops are being hazed in the streets and some have even been found beaten to death in the alleys. Due to this, I've pulled our active duty to the back and have advised everyone to go into hiding until this is resolved.

"We believe the Military Police are using the corps as a scapegoat to hide the truth behind the origin of the titans, the true nature of the titans, and why there are titans in our walls. They have outlawed us in all but official documentation; trying to bury the information we have found and stop the procuration of any further information. Hanji, tell them what happened to Pastor Nick."

Hanji sat ramrod straight, "Sir. Pastor Nick had been safeguarded in a hotel in Wall Sina. Although he'd been believed to be safe, Lieutenant Moblit and I found him this morning. His corpse showed signs of severe blunt force trauma and missing nails, possibly teeth. The Military police were already there. We weren't granted access to his room or body for close inspection, but when I shook hands with one of the officers, I noticed the skin on his knuckles were torn. I've come to the conclusion that they were responsible."

I hissed out a terse breath, earning more than a few blank stares. I returned them with venom. _How can they all act so callous about a man being tortured to death?_ It was like I was in a room full of the dead, contemplating the recruitment of a new member to their ranks.

Levi murmured, his voice threadbare, "Did he tell them anything?"

Hanji shook her head once, "I'm not sure."

"How many of Nick's fingernails were torn out?"

Hanji's eyebrows furrowed, "What?"

Levi's expression didn't waver, "You said you saw him, didn't you? How many?"

"I don't know," Hanji muttered, "I could only see for an instant. As far as I could see, all of his nails had been torn out."

"All of them?" Levi's jaw went slack,"A person whose will is weak enough to be broken will start talking after losing one, but someone with enough conviction won't break-no matter how much torture they endure," he leaned forward, resting his chin atop clenched fists, his eyes clouded, "I thought the old man was just an idiot, but he clung to those damn beliefs of his until the very end."

Hanji gritted her teeth and gazed down at the table, a barely audible, strangled sound escaping her. Levi's gaze slid to her, but he didn't move.

Goosebumps covered my skin and my stomach roiled, I was suddenly very glad I hadn't had dinner. The fact that we were being hunted like dogs was shadowed by the new knowledge that Levi was familiar with the art of _torture._ Intimately familiar, it would seem. I had known that he had blood on his hands, who in this godforsaken world didn't, but torture? The thought of him using his hands–hands he would wind through my hair and brush against my skin—to pull screaming confessions from a person sent the pungent need to retch dragging at my gut.

I looked up to find a gaze of steel resting on me. I let out a rattling breath. Had I been too hasty to agree to be anything to this man? How many monsters hid just beneath his skin? I had seen only one as he tore into the gigantic beasts that plagued us and assumed there were no others. How much of an idiot could I be, to assume that he was no more wrecked than I was? I had no idea who the man sitting before me really was.

Levi looked away.

I pulled my thoughts away from the treacherous path they had strayed down, and tried to refocus on the current threat.

"Indeed," Erwin affirmed, the grin twist of his lips doing nothing to dampen the light in his eyes, "We may have not been able to get much from the good churchmen, but they haven't been able to either. More so, they _think_ we got information from him. They don't know if we know something we shouldn't. Which means. . ."

He gazed at each of us as his words trailed away, an eager teacher waiting for his students to rise to his bait. I began to spit out a taciturn response, biting back on it as Hanji replied in a terse voice, "we need to know what they're hiding before they figure out we don't know anything."

The commander nodded solemnly, "Which is why I have called you all here today. We need a plan to extract this information from their ranks. I propose a covert operation. The Military Ball is almost upon us. They will be on high alert, and will surely detain any scouts that attend. Due to recent events, I have forbidden any of our captains or officers of higher rank from attending. I understand that may seem like the coward's play, but for self-preservation's sake, we must stay in the shadows. We can't lose any comrades, not when we are so close."

We all waited as he let a silence fall over the room. I didn't bother to cover the impatient sigh that escaped me. He was setting the stage brilliantly. Levi had been right, the damn monster was plotting something. I still wasn't sure what it had to do with me, but it certainly had something to do with the Ball. Would there be a team sneaking into Neal's private home while he was out dancing with his wife? Would there be a team sent to kidnap an innocent party goer? How was he planning to come by this information? I could see the question in everyone's eyes and the unease in every shuffle.

I pushed back a lock of hair and scowled at the stiff curl, locked in place from sweat. I longed to sink into the bath and wash the salt off my skin and curl into my new bed. I tossed about the idea of sneaking into Rowen's bed but pushed it away after just a moment. Rowen would toss me onto the floor without a second thought and playful struggle would erupt from the other girls in the room after a wayward pillow got tossed. I didn't have enough energy for any of it.

"The Military Ball," Erwin's continuation jolted me out of my errant thoughts and I sat straight in an effort to focus on his words, no matter how staged they might be, "while being extremely dangerous, also holds great promise for us. If one of our own can infiltrate the ball and loosen one of the Military Police officer's lips, we may be able to rise above this."

Levi and Hanji went stiff. Hanji's arm covertly shifted outward, the muscles along her bicep straining against the coat she had yet to take off. Levi didn't move, I couldn't even tell if he was breathing. His eyes were hooded as he stared blankly down at the table.

"How do you suggest we. . . loosen their lips, so to say?" a slight officer sitting in one of the couches by the window asked slowly.

She was a captain I wasn't familiar with. Perhaps she had come by her position recently; such a thing was commonplace in the scouting region. She was a plain sort of girl, one you would overlook on the street without a second thought. Underneath her mouse brown hair and soft face, her amber eyes were sharp as a kestrels'.

"Women with such skill sets have been in league with the military for years," Erwin said cordially, "I have been unable to reach any of our allies under the current restrictions, however. Levi, do you know of anyone from your time in the Underground that could offer such services?"

Levi jolted and Hanji's resulting jostle was the only indication of why her arm had been flexed since a moment ago. Hanji was practically shaking from the force of her grasp on him and I had no doubt there would be more than one new bruise adorning his skin.

Ice had flooded my veins and my hair stood on end with pure repulsion and horror as the curtain was pulled back to reveal the stage Erwin had so carefully laid. The bastard was looking for a woman to _whore out_ for the ball. This was no 'information recovery'. This was punishment. And I knew just who he had spent such a long time setting up for.

"Like hell I would know someone like that," Levi spat out after a moment, his voice rough and eyes speaking of murder.

Erwin frowned slightly, "Well that's unfortunate, I thought you would surely. . . Any matter, do any of the rest of you know of someone who would be trusted and talented enough to take on such a mission?"

There were uncomfortable scuffles around the table as everyone refused to look up from the table, and then one of the captains flicked wide eyes at me. I cursed inwardly. I had never thought I would regret that night more than I had the following morning. I was wrong. He had been a mistake. The skinny bastard had just been one of the many I had slept with during training. I would never forget the way he had practically shoved me out of his bed afterwards, turning his back on me to grab a smoke and wave me out of his room. I never thought he could sink any lower until this very moment.

"Cadet Burrell?" Erwin's quiet politeness almost made me gag, "You know of someone?"

I sighed, done with his game, "I could do it."

Hanji stiffened further, her shoulder jumping forward, but I refused to look at Levi.

There was only one way to end this play. Avoiding my script would only prolong the ending. It didn't matter that I would be giving away the space I had just promised to my raven-haired captain. It didn't matter that I felt sick just thinking about it, that I felt dirty to my very core for even offering myself up for such a thing. Because how was it any different from what I'd already been doing? I would surely be able to choose my partner. It would just be another night with another body, more whispered words neither of us meant, and then I would be back. This was my payment. I could see it in Erwin's eyes. If I wanted to take his best piece, I had to prove myself as a valuable piece as well.

So be it.

His eyes widened with shock, the effect making his eyes look almost doe-like, "You? It certainly would provide more peace of mind to send one of our own to procure such valuable information. Are you confident you would be able to?"

I snorted and the tension rose as a muscle in Erwin's jaw twitched, "You mean am I confident I can let someone screw me for information? Yeah. It's not a particularly difficult 'skill set'."

"That's not what you need skill for," the kestrel broke in, lips pursed, "anyone can lay there. You need to be able to find an officer with enough of a hand in their operations to be able to give you information worth your time."

I respected the bird-woman for not attempting to sugarcoat what I would need to do, but I couldn't withhold the resentment as I replied, "You're right, so do you think you'd be more suited, Captain?

The woman scowled but her cheeks flushed as she turned her amber eyes away.

"More than that," Hanji's voice pulled me away from the dark resignation I had been sinking into and my eyes jumped to her, "we need to recognize that whomever we send has a very significant chance of never returning. As Erwin said, they will be looking for any scout. They will be looking to gather information from our ranks as much as we will be looking to gather information from theirs. Our covert operator needs to be able to withstand whatever tortures they can conjure up. Or be prepared to sacrifice themselves."

"We all need to steel our resolve for the coming trials," Erwin murmured, the deep vibrato of his voice easily carrying through the room, "This caution goes out to all of us. If there was ever a time to turn back, it would be now. These woods will hide you until we either finish our fight or see our ideals die with us. So I implore you, find it in yourself to fight for humanity or leave now. We don't have the means to support anyone at this time. However, if you stay, if you fight with us, we may be able to see a day when we can live beyond the walls without fear. We are closer than we've ever been. We have them scared. We have Eren—you've all see his power—with a force like that, and enough people at our back, we _will_ see the end of this unending war!"

Eyes hardened and backs straightened. I could see the change as everyone accepted their fate. As everyone accepted the bait. I pushed my head into the back of my chair and laughed, the raucous sound causing everyone to startle. If everyone was walking forward to Death then it would be just rude of me to turn him away.

I lowered my chin and gazed at Erwin lazily through my lashes, "I died in a piece of shit basement years ago. Pain is an old lover of mine. I can do this. You know I can, Erwin," his chiseled chin lowered and a genuine frown tugged at his lips, "But, if I'm going to do this for you, I have some conditions that need to be met."

The bravado that had flooded the room at his words immediately fell into cold tension, weaving between bodies like a spider's web, holding their forms frozen in its sticky wake. Dewy silence dripped from the threads of tension.

I refused to lower my grin and meet his disquieted frown as he slowly inquired, "Conditions?"

I nodded slowly, patronizing, "Yes, _conditions._ If I am going to be attending this ball as a captain, I expect to hold the rank. And receive the pay."

Wide eyebrows lowered over icy blue eyes as he replied evenly, "We have no need for additional captains in our ranks and no means to give you a pay increase."

I scoffed, "Come on, Erwin, only low-life pricks refuse to pay their whores."

Erwin's eyes flashed with anger as shocked sounds erupted from around the room.

"You have been referring to your commander informally for a while now, show some respect, Cadet!" the kestrel shot out of her seat at the couch, her words clipped short with fury.

"How dare you—" a chair hit the ground with a crack as a man at the table shot to his feet as well.

"Captain Levi, control your cadet!"

The shouts of outrage immediately ceased as Hanji spoke above the rest, her voice even, "What will it hurt, Erwin? Give her my pay. She doesn't need to have a squad, just give her the title. She has the skill to match any of the captains in this room."

My gaze began to travel to her before I forced it back to rest on Erwin. I couldn't risk a glance at Levi, I couldn't let my conviction waiver. I had no other choice, this was my only option. If he really wanted me like he had said, then he would have to sacrifice something first; we both would. As a captain, no one could claim a breach in the code of conduct. Even Erwin would have to back off if I proved to be valuable in his little game of chess.

Erwin was once again composed, "Very well. Congratulations, Burrell. You have been promoted to Captain. Hanji, give her the necklace, please. You will be impersonating a Wall Garrison officer. Traditionally, all regions would attend with either a lapel pin for the male officers, or a necklace for the female officers to display their affiliation."

I stared down at the necklace before me, unable to recall how long it had been there or how it had even found its place on the table. The gold had been expertly crafted into thin chain that began to wind together in a tangle of thorny, leaved branches as the chain grew away from the clasps. Small rose buds sprouted from the golden branches. At the center of the branched dance there were two, fully bloomed roses, their stems entwined. It was beautiful, but I found myself longing for wings and feathers.

"Captain Mayfields," talons snapped into a salute at Erwin's call and I groaned inwardly, "You will be tasked with finding an appropriate dress for Cadet Burrell."

I scowled at his, no doubt, intentional use of my last rank, before turning my scowl on the woman. Granted, Mayfields had a build very similar to my own, but her hips were too slim, shoulders too broad. Despite that oversight, I couldn't help but give a snarling grin to Erwin. _What would you have done if I hadn't offered myself up? You already had your necklace and mannequin at the ready_ , _how would you have forced me to take part?_

He ignored my sneer.

"You have a week to procure the required items and prepare yourself. At that time, Captain Mayfields, you will return with the appropriate attire and the operation will commence. If there are no further items of business to discuss, I would like to adjourn this meeting and leave Levi's squad to their current mission."

* * *

I had to talk to him.

The thought had been replaying in a loop in my mind since I had turned my back on him and the rest of the captains. It was woven between thoughts of _what have I done_ and _I'm going to have to actually go through with this_ and various different scenarios all ending with me dead, tortured, or-the worst-alive. Returning with to him with mussed lipstick and the remnants of someone else inside me. The thought had left me heaving what little I had managed to scavenge from the kitchen.

I couldn't stand it any longer, if I was trapped with my own thoughts for another moment I would lose my mind and my conviction.

I pulled back my blanket and crept out of the room, careful to avoid Mikasa and Rowen's beds, wary of their light sleeping tendencies. The stagnant chill that had befallen the house sunk under my skin as I pattered across the hall towards Levi's room. As I got closer, I hesitated, my hand trembling above the door knob. What was I going to do if he told me to get out? I bit my lip, tasting the copper of blood, before squeezing my eyes tight and pushing into his room.

His window was open, the frigid night air rolling across the floor in lazy tendrils. His bed was empty, the covers still arranged impeccably, hospital corners serving to add a sense of cold abandonment to the room. There was a desk sitting in a corner at the foot of the bed and a chair from the dining room table had been brought and placed before the worn piece. Levi sat in the chair, arms folded, legs crossed, chin resting on his chest, and shoulders sagged in sleep.

Shock froze my limbs and left me in the doorway. Seeing him there, I was struck with the memory of his words earlier that night. How intimately he had spoken of torture. I shuddered and began to close the door, resigned to fighting my demons singularly.

A tear fell from his lashes.

I was on my knees in front of him, the door forgotten behind me as I cradled his face in my hands, "Levi? Levi, what's wrong?"

He woke with a start, his breath catching in his throat, eyes wild. Levi's hand immediately went to the knife at his back. I gritted my teeth but couldn't fight off the pained gasp he pulled from me as he shoved my shoulders against the desk. His knife hovered as bloodshot eyes focused on me, his breathing still ragged.

"Yesenia?" he breathed, voice hoarse, eyes heartbreakingly hopeful.

I reached a shaking hand toward him and brushed a lock of hair away from his tear stained face, "Hi, Captain."

The knife fell to the ground with a soft clatter and his knees hit the ground not long after. Searching fingers pushed my hair and chin back, tips pressing against my neck. Levi sank to the floor as he found my pulse, a strained sound of relief escaping him as he wrapped his arms around me.

I lowered to rest against my heels as I brushed a hand through his hair. Levi's shoulders shook and my chest clenched painfully, "Don't worry, Levi, I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't lie to me."

His words were no more than a whisper but I flinched. I swallowed hard and steadied my shaking hands against his shoulders. I should have come and talked to him sooner. I should have held him as we both drifted to sleep. I shouldn't have let him feel this alone.

"Levi, the door is open," I murmured, tugging at his shoulders.

"So is the window."

He didn't move.

I sighed, "I promise I won't leave. Let me close the door—and the window—and we can get in bed."

Levi let out a humorless laugh, "Like how you promised you would just be like this with me?"

I recoiled, "That's not fair."

He finally moved away and when his gaze met mine I couldn't find any anger, just pain.

"Isn't it?"

I swallowed and stood on shaking legs, turning to close the door and window before pulling him to his feet. The sight of him like this left a physical ache in my chest and pull in my gut. I pushed his coat off his shoulders and untied the cravat from around his neck before stepping forward and wrapping my arms around him. I whispered an apology into his skin, the words heavy with sincerity.

"Don't lie to me," Levi repeated, his voice stronger this time.

Anger stirred in the pit of my stomach. I pushed away from him, "What, you think I want to do this?"

"Don't you?" Levi asked, his voice hard, "You were so quick to volunteer yourself. Am I smothering you? Is this just a chance for you to get away and screw some other random captains?"

I looked away from him, his words stinging more than I would have expected them to. My nose and eyes burned with the threat of tears. I let out a huff, working my jaw. I looked towards the ceiling to keep the tears from escaping down my cheeks.

"Is that what it is?" Levi muttered, recovering his knife only to bury the tip in his desk, "Were you so against the idea of being with me that you jumped at the first out you saw?"

I shook my head and laughed, turning toward the door as my first tear fell, " _Skies_ , you're an ass."

Fingers curled around my wrist, spinning me back towards him, "Why aren't you saying I'm wrong?"

"Because it should be obvious!" I burst, ripping away from him.

"What should be—"

"That I'm doing this for _you_!" I shot, crying in earnest now, "Just because your mother got to decide her clients, did that make her any less of a whore?"

Levi flinched this time and I felt a small sense of victory to see my reaction mirrored on his face.

"This isn't some gallivanting trip, this is a payoff. I do this for Erwin so I can be a captain, _with you_. So I can be _with you_. Are you really so blinded by your insecurities that you can't see that?"

His eyes were still hard, "Why didn't you wait? Erwin would have found someone else. He would have found a different way for you to pay. We could have fought him together."

"And—what— end up dying together on the frontlines? How is that any better? At least this way there's a shot and we won't have to worry about hiding anymore."

Levi's lips parted once more but I cut him off, "You don't think I hate the idea of dressing up as his little spy? You don't think I want to vomit every time I think about trading my body for information? That I don't pray that maybe—just maybe—I'll get caught and they'll just end my miserable life? So I won't have to come back to you with someone else on me— _in_ me? No, you're too busy worrying about me 'trying to get away from you.' And all I can think about is—I—I don't want to _do_ this—"

A violent sob tore the last of my words from me and I brought a hand to my mouth, biting on a knuckle in an attempt to block the hiccupping breaths that shook my frame. The scent of autumn surrounded me as Levi pulled me into his chest.

"DON'T," I snarled, shoving him away harder than I had intended, " _Don't touch me._ "

"Yesenia-"

"Oh, _now_ it's Yesenia? So I've moved up from bitch, to whore, and we're back to Yesenia now?"

Slate gray eyes narrowed, "I never called you a bitch or a whore."

"You might as well have," I pulled away from him again as he cautiously reached out to me, throwing my hands out between us like a barrier, " _Don't_. Just- don't."

I turned away from him and threw open his door, ignoring his exclamation as I pivoted to the right and tore out of the cabin.

I ran.

My feet crunching against the frozen leaves and sticks. My breath puffing out in front of my in uneven sobs. I ran, with no thought for the cold that enveloped me and sunk into the marrow of my bones.

Was he following me?

I couldn't hear anything past my own sobs and sniffling.

Did I want him to follow me?

No.

But underneath that thought, a quieter voice disagreed.

With a strangled grunt, I spun towards the horse paddocks. I moved toward the section I remembered coaxing Sugar into and slammed into the first warm body.

My vision was swimming and clouded, but I recognized the startled snort and tense muscles. _Shit._ I dragged my arm along my eyes to dispel some of the traitorous tears to find a giant black stallion where I was expecting my slight Chestnut. _Shit!_

The beast's head reared back, eyes flashing white and ears pressed tightly against his neck. I had only a second to recognize the shine of teeth before he shot towards me. Without a thought, I backhanded the creature.

Peals of laughter cut through the night air as the horse shook his head and let out a confused whinney, ears swiveling forward and back as he apraised me.

I turned slowly, blood still thundering through me and adrenaline making my limbs shiver.

Levi was doubled over, hand braced on a beam as pure, genuine, laughter spilled past his lips.

I blinked at him.

"You-you just backhanded my horse!" He panted out between his fading chuckles.

I bristled, "He was going to take my hand off."

"I know, he's a damn prick. If more people did that when he charged at them he'd probably stop."

Levi straightened as his chortles subsided, his eyes on me. I couldn't do more than stare at him blankly. This was the first time I had heard him laugh. Actually laugh. Not just chuckle under his breath or snort, but _actually laugh_.

I wanted to hear it again.

The world snapped back into place as his eyes tightened with remorse and his lips parted.

I spun back toward the stallion who flinched away, head pulled back to avoid another wayward hand, "I told you to stay away from me."

There was a quiet sigh behind me followed by a flippant, "I just came to see my horse, it's not my fault there was a brat backhanding him."

I tried to snap at him but the situation was effectively smothering the flame of my anger and all I could manage was a weak grumble, "Don't talk to me-"

"Are you having a rough night, Ebony? Is this devil woman hitting you?" Levi murmured over me as he ducked under the slat, his serious tone at odds with his words. Levi offered a hand that the stallion hesitantly shoved his nose under before dropping his head on Levi's shoulder and letting out a monstrous huff.

" _Devil wo-_?"

"Shit, what have you been eating, you overgrown cow?" Levi grunted as the mass of black muscle pushed forward onto his shoulder, neck curling around his hip as Ebony pulled Levi even closer, wide brown eyes fixed on me. Despite Levi's grumbles, he didn't push the monster away. Levi smoothed a hand over the wide column of the horse's neck and rubbed against his chest affectionately.

I folded my arms, "He's like this because you spoil him."

"Ebony, don't listen to the evil brat. We're not allowed to look at her. Actually, since you're mine, you probably shouldn't look at her either-"

"Oh, by the skies-!"

"C'mon, monster, turn around-"

"Levi, this is ridiculous-!"

"Come here."

I froze, mid-eye roll, to find Levi half hidden behind Ebony-who was turned catty corner in his makeshift stall-watching me with sober eyes, his hand outstretched toward me.

I bit the inside of my lip and scowled, "No, fuck you."

Levi shrugged noncommittally, "Alright, fuck me. Will you just come make up with the horse? The big baby hasn't taken his eyes off of you since you made his eyes rattle."

I chewed against my lip for another second before I inched toward the stallion. Levi murmured reassurances to Ebony as he snorted, his nostrils flaring wide and ears flicking forward and back to listen to his words and my hesitant approach.

I lowered my eyes and stretched out a hand toward his nose.

I tensed as fingers loosely guided my hand toward Ebony's shoulder instead, "He's head shy."

Levi's hand retreated as my palm met the wide expanse of Ebony's shoulder. His muscles twitched under my hand and he shifted his weight but was soon calmed by Levi's quiet reassurances and soothing touch.

I watched the beast's head carefully as I stepped forward and placed my shoulder against the top of his leg. Ebony stomped his hoof in warning. When I didn't move away he huffed and pushed his chin against Levi's back before turning to nip at my nightgown. Levi placed a hand against his cheek and coaxed his head back to his side.

I sighed as I put my forehead atop my hands and looked down at my feet. The night air was finally getting to me, and I savored the warmth that was emitted from the stallion. I wiggled my toes in the hay covering the packed dirt, wincing at the pins and needles that shot through my legs at the motion. I peeked underneath Ebony's stomach toward where I knew Levi stood, still rubbing assurances into his steed's hide.

His feet were bare.

I looked away.

Silence stretched over the paddock, eased by Levi's quiet murmurs and the hollow swirl of air that pushed the horse's sides.

"This is all new to me."

I blinked my eyes open but didn't move.

"I've never done anything like this. I don't know the right words to say or the right things to do. I don't know how I'm supposed to do any of this."

My eyebrows pulled together and I stood slowly, staring through the horse where I imagined Levi would stand, "What is 'this'? Cause it's definitely not sex."

A quiet snort, "Not sex. A . . . relationship."

My gaze narrowed, "And that's supposed to make everything okay? I don't care if you've been with someone, you don't talk to people-"

"No," Levi agreed quickly, "That's not what I mean. I'm an ass and I said some really fucked up shit-"

"Damn right you did-"

"-but," he continued like I hadn't interrupted, "I don't want you to do this. I've never tried to have anything with anyone. It would mean hell for both of us. With you, I want to try. But I can't do that if you're going somewhere I can't follow."

There was another intake of air followed by a forced sigh.

My eyes were wide as I stared into an endless black coat, my mind completely and utterly blank. I floundered for something to say.

"That's still not an apology," I muttered lamely.

"I'm sorry, Yesenia. I'd whisper it into every centimeter of your skin if you'd let me so much as look at you."

Frustration strained his voice causing Ebony to shift anxiously with me.

"Well, for one thing," I began unsteadily, "you have to trust the other person. When you're in a relationship, you have to talk, not just throw accusations at them. You have to be patient and work through things with them. . . Honestly, it's been years since I've been in a relationship. I might be a bit rusty."

"Jerome?"

I flinched at the glib use of his name and squeezed my eyes shut until I was confident I could open them without seeing flashes of wide smiles and tousled curls.

A strangled whine escaped me. When I lifted my forehead from my hands, I found Levi beside me, his eyes desperate. I knew if I asked he would say please, I could see it in his face, in the way he held his arms outstretched, trembling just moments away from my shoulders.

I decided I would save his pleas for another time, and stepped forward into his embrace. Levi curled around me, releasing a pent up breath that rushed against my skin. Chilled lips brushed against my temple in a murmured repentance. Warmth fluttered in my stomach as he moved to whisper against my jaw, seemingly intent to follow through with his words.

"Stop it, Levi. I don't have time for you to do that, I'm exhausted," his words halted but his lips didn't leave my skin and his arms tightened around me. I didn't mind the security of his hold and fully leaned against him, "just, tell me why you are so scared."

I didn't have to specify. He knew what I was asking; it was the same question I had been asking since I had found him folded in on himself on the floor of a cave. _What are you afraid of, Captain?_

Silence.

I sighed, "Come on, Levi, if we are going to do this we both need-"

"I just can't seem to die," the words died in my throat as Levi continued to mutter with disgust, "I was a bastard of a whore. She died from lung disease. I should have died with her, but I didn't. I stayed beside her for countless days before someone found me. Starvation should have killed me, then. I was raised to be an Underground fighter. There were so many fights that should have seen me dead at the end. Everyone around me keeps leaving and I-I just can't seem to die. You can't leave me, too. Don't do this, Yesenia. Don't go. Don't leave me."

I let out a shuddering breath but didn't reply. There was no meaning behind promises both of us knew we wouldn't—couldn't keep. Instead, I offered my own reassurances. It wasn't until they left my lips that I recognized them as truth, "Every moment I spend with you, I do of my own free will. Not because there's no one else. Not because I'm so desperate for sex that I'd commit to one man out of conveniency. Because I want to."

Levi pulled back and pushed the curls out of my eyes, "Why?"

I faltered, "I don't know."

He sighed, "You've said that a lot tonight."

I winced, "I have, haven't I? Well then, let me tell you what I do know. I know you will do anything to keep your cadets safe. That you are as stubborn as I am but you let me get my way _cause you think I'm sexy_ ," I teased, earning a quirked eyebrow and smirk, "I know that you still love and respect your mother. I know that you are loyal to a damn fault. I know you've got a shitty sense of humor but, I like it anyway. I know I like your voice when you say my name. I like the way you hold me. I like the way it feels to be with you like this. . .

"I know I'm scared shitless."

Levi snorted softly before asking, "About what?"

I curled into him, hiding my face in his chest, "About us. About this damn mission. About this damn war. About not knowing anything."

Levi hummed, "If you want someone who knows everything, go talk to Four-Eyes."

"No, I think I like it right here," I paused, "Actually, it's cold as. . . wait for it. I know there's a demeaning jab in there somewhere."

Levi raised an eyebrow but didn't interject.

"It's as cold as. . .Erwin's sex life?"

Levi tsked, "weak."

I shoved him away, "Oh, shut up. Point is, it's cold as fuck, and I'm tired. Can we go inside?"

Levi nodded, "But first, apologize to Ebony."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not apologizing to the horse."

"But, look."

I turned at his insistence to find the stallion's head lowered, eyes half-lidded, and hind leg cocked. His ears swiveled forward as I turned and after watching me for a moment he stretched out his neck to nuzzle my hair. I smiled and ran a hand down his neck.

"See? Such a good brat. And you backhanded him. You should say you're sorry."

"Levi?"

"Hm?"

"You don't drop it and you're going to be sleeping by yourself."

Levi crossed his ankles and leaned back against Ebony's shoulder, smirking at me, "You sure about that, brat? That's as much a threat for me as it is for you."

I felt my face heat as he called my bluff, "Fine. Damn horse. I'm sorry you decided to be a prick and charge me. I'm sorry I had to _defend_ myself or lose a _fucking_ _finger_. Happy?"

Levi raised an eyebrow but walked past me to duck underneath the plank and start back towards the cabin. I cautiously ran a hand down the stallion's neck and flank, offering a sincere apology before wrapping my arms around my middle. I started off after Levi only for him to loop an arm under my knees and carry me back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I hope the fluff helped pad the newest plot development for you. This concludes part 1 of Yesenia and Levi's story! Honestly, I'm not really sure how dedicated I am to writing the rest of it. I love this story and I love all of the characters and all, but this has been going on for a while. I mean, I started this as a freshman and am going to graduate in a semester. So, what I saw another author do was just release plot points and snippets they had written so they didn't leave the readers hanging, but didn't have to continue writing a story they weren't really dedicated to. I'm considering doing that or just speeding up the story to get it all done in part 2. (I go a little overboard when I start creating plots.) Thoughts? Thank you guys for sticking with me, I hope finals treated you decently!


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